Taking Care of Reno
by Desha
Summary: Reno and Elena are driving each other nuts... Tseng and Rude are getting into the act, too... Updated with Part 11: Ghost Stories
1. It Starts...

Taking Care of Reno  
by Desha  
Note: This is my first attempt at FF7 fanfic... I hope I've done well... Please Review! :)  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Tseng sighed, forcing himself not to roll his eyes, as Reno staggered into the office that morning. Rude glanced up briefly from the report he was writing but said nothing. The red-head's sunglasses, for once, were over his eyes rather than perched atop his head, and stray locks of fiery hair hung over his face.  
  
"You're late," Tseng said simply. Reno swiped absently at one particularly annoying strand of hair, wincing both because of the annoyance that underlaid his leader's tone and because the throbbing in his temples seened to amplify Tseng's voice tenfold. 'Why didn't I just stay home this morning?' Reno thought, trying to ignore the splitting headache.  
  
"I overslept," the younger Turk mumbled, and then promptly collapsed at Tseng's feet. 'I wonder why?' Tseng thought, sarcastically. He could just picture what Reno had been up to last night. Upon hearing the thud of Reno hitting the floor, Rude looked up again. Tseng just shook his head, as if to say 'I'll handle it'. Rude shrugged and went back to his report.  
  
The idea of simply leaving Reno right where he was briefly entered Tseng's mind, but he quickly decided against it, imagining the image that such a scene would put forward to anyone who happened to come in. He frowned, bending down to move him somewhere out of sight where he could finish sleeping off what Tseng suspected to be the results of last night's barhopping, mentally rehersing the lecture he was going to give Reno when he woke up. He rolled Reno onto his back none to gently, intent on carrying him off to the corner behind his desk where any visitors would fail to notice him. It was then that Tseng noticed just how deathly pale his fellow-Turk really looked this morning. A night of heavy drinking wouldn't do that... not to Reno at any rate. Almost reflexively, he placed a hand to Reno's forehead, frowning again as he found it to be unusually warm.  
  
Tseng lifted him from the floor, eliciting a soft groan from Reno, and set him down on the couch that sat against one wall of the office.  
  
"Reno?" he ventured, wondering just how out of it the younger man was at the moment.. Reno shifted slightly and turned away from him, curling up on his side..  
  
"I don't wanna go ta school..." came the muttered reply. Tseng shook him lightly and Reno's eyes slowly fluttered open as he turned back toward Tseng.  
  
"Something wrong?" asked Rude from across the room. Tseng nodded. Just then, the door opened, admitting Elena.  
  
"Good morning, sir," she said, smiling at Tseng, "Morning Rude..." Her smile faded slightly when she caught sight of Reno lying on the couch. "What happened to you?"  
  
Reno managed to sit up just long enough to glare at her before falling back onto the cushions, panting softly from the effort. 'Damn, I should have just stayed in bed,' he thought.  
  
"He's sick, Elena," Tseng replied for him, noting with some concern that Reno was shivering slightly. "Do us all a favor and take him home."  
  
Elena beamed. 'He asked me to do him a favor... me!' she thought to herself.  
  
"Y-yes sir." she replied, glancing at Reno's unfocused, fever-bright eyes and pale complexion, wondering just how she was supposed to get him to her car. Luckily, Tseng solved that dilemma for her, scooping Reno into his arms again and carrying him toward the door. Elena quickly followed.  
  
  
Reno let his head hang limply over Tseng's arm, fascinated by the wall panels that seemed to be moving past him of their own accord. "Hey Tseng... The walls are moving..." He tried to lift his head, but that only made his splitting headache more noticable, and he closed his eyes.  
  
"Just relaxed Reno... Elena's going to take you home to rest."  
  
Reno managed a nod. By the time they reached Elena's car, Reno was asleep again, and still shivering. Tseng set him in the passenger's seat.  
  
"It may not be a good idea to leave him alone... and since it doesn't look like we're going to be very busy today," said Tseng, closing the car door, "Would you mind staying with him?"  
  
"Y-yes sir... I mean no, sir... I'd be happy to stay with him," she replied happily, smiling at the thought of Tseng asking her instead of just ordering her to take care of her fellow Turk. How could she say no to such a request... and from *Tseng* no less!  
  
Tseng nodded and disappeared back into the Shinra building, leaving Elena to look after Reno. She climbed behind the wheel and started toward his apartment, sighing in resignation as Reno's limp form ended up pressed against her after every righthand turn. What was more, she soon noticed that he was drooling on her shoulder.  
  
"Eeeeeww... You'd better appreciate this, Reno," she muttered with some disgust, reminding herself that she was doing this because Tseng had personally asked her to. At last she turned into the parking lot of Reno's apartment complex. Parking the car, she got out and walked around to the passenger side, opening the door.  
  
"Come on... If you think I'm going to carry you up to your place, you've got another thing coming, mister," Elena said, poking Reno until his eyes opened.  
  
Reno groaned, and dragged himself to his feet, almost immediatly stumbling as his head began to spin in protest. Elena grabbed hold of him before he could hit the ground. pulling his arm around her shoulders to support his weight. She'd always thought he looked almost painfully thin, but even with that in mind she was surprised by just how light he really was. She half-carried him into the building, making her way to the elevator and hitting the button for the fifth floor.  
  
Reno let his head rest on Elena's shoulder, wanting nothing more than to find the nearest bed and fall asleep for a very long time. He nuzzled his cheek against Elena's shoulder, deciding that she made a rather nice pillow. A moment later, Elena was forced to support his full weight as his body went limp.  
  
"Reno?!"  
  
The only reply she recieved was a soft snore. She sighed and poked him hard in the ribs. Reno yelped.  
  
"What'd ya do that for?" he asked sleepily, pouting as the elevator doors slid open.  
  
"Just come on." She guided him out of the elevator and down the hall, stopping at Reno's door... and then realizing that she didn't have the keys. She quickly shifted Reno's weight and began searching his pockets.  
  
"Heh... Never knew you cared..." Reno murmured as Elena finally located the keys in his back pocket.  
  
"Shut up Reno," she muttered, trying to ignore that smirk that now graced his face. She inserted the key into the lock and opened the door, manuvering them both inside, looking around the apartment and shuddering. "God, Reno, you really are a slob"  
  
The cold remnants of a pizza sat in an open pizza box on the couch. Clothes were strewn about in a trail leading from one room to the next. Dishes were piled in the sink in the small kitchenette, and the counter that separated it from the living room was littered with beer bottles and take-out wrappers... and she was relatively certain that she didn't even want to know why a pair of boxer shorts were slung over one of the blades of the ceiling fan... The bedroom was no better. She guided Reno to the bed, not wanting to look down at whatever the squishy object she'd just stepped on was. Elena dropped him into the rumpled blankets, wondering why anyone in their right mind would want to live like this... and then remmebered that this was Reno she was wondering about. Reno immediately pulled the blankets close, still shivering as he tried to bury himself under the covers.  
  
Elena bit back a laugh at the sight of Reno tangled in the blankets, already half asleep, and tugged the shoes off his feet. She quickly untwisted him as much as he would let her, tucking him into bed as best she could. Then she made her way out of the room, not daring to look down at the floor.  
  
"Ugh... This is disgusting," she said to herself as she picked her way through the living room, avoiding things that looked like gods-know-what might be living on them. She groaned, realizing that she have to clean the room a bit just to find a relatively sanitary place to sit down.  
  
Walking into the kitchenette, she managed to find a roll of garbage bags stuffed underneath the sink. The beer bottles, wrappers, pizza, and countless other things that looked like that should have biohazard warnings on them went into the bag. She shoved the clothes that littered the floor into one massive pile in the corner just so wouldn't end up tripping over anything. Finally Elena sat down on the couch and flipped on the TV, deciding that if Reno wanted the rest of his filth cleaned up, he could do it himself.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Reno yawned and rubbed a hand over his eyes. 'Mmmm... How long have I been out?' he wondered, reaching a hand down alongside his bed to search for his alarm clock... finally finding it underneath a discarded tee-shirt. Three in the afternoon. He sat up, pleased to find that the splitting headache he'd had earlier had been reduced to little more than a dull ache. He stretched his arms over his head, working out the stiffness in his muscles from being in bed for the better part of the day. A sudden sound from the other room startled him, and instinctively, he slid his hand under one of the pillows, fingers curling around the gun he kept there just in case.  
  
The door to his bedroom slowly crept open, and he laid back against the pillows prepared to surprise the intruder.  
  
"Reno? You awake?" a familiar voice asked softly. Elena. Reno's hand released the gun.  
  
"Yeah," he replied. Reno wondered if she'd been ordered to stay with him.  
  
"Well it's about time. You've been asleep all day. Feeling better?"  
  
He sunk farther back into the pillows. 'Heh... as long as she's here to take care of me, I might as well enjoy it...' he thought.  
  
"A little," Reno said with a slightly exagerated moan.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Several hours later, Reno was stretched out on the couch in the living room, flipping through the television channels. He took a bite of the sandwich Elena had been kind enough to make for him, as he finally settled on the Chocobo Racing Network. A moment later, the door opened, and Elena entered, holding a bag of groceries.  
  
"They were out of sour cream and onion chips but I got everything else you wanted, Reno," she said, setting the bag down on the now-spotless counter. Thus far Reno'd manged to get her to not only clean his apartment, but make him lunch, and do his shopping. He hadn't hand any luck convincing her that she should do his laundry for him as well, but all in all, he'd managed to make the most of having Elena around for the day. 'I oughtta get sick more often,' he mused silently.  
  
"Thanks Elena," he replied in soft voice, hoping to keep her convinced that he still wasn't feeling his best. "Hey Elena? Could you come rub my back? Hmm?"  
  
Elena inwardly groaned. She'd been waiting on Reno hand and foot all day. She was tired... She was cranky... and above all she was developing a terrible headache. 'Tseng asked me to look after him...' she repeated to herself for the hundredth time that day, as sighed and walked over to the couch. Reno happily rolled onto his stomach and she gently began to massage his shoulders. After awhile, she bagan to wish Reno would just fall asleep for awhile so she could get soem rest too... She was beginning to feel very tired. She silently prayed she wasn't coming down with whatever Reno had.  
  
A sharp knock on the door finally gave Elena an excuse to stop rubbing Reno's back. She stood up and made her way to the door, opening it to reveal Tseng.  
  
"Hello sir," she said, glad to finally have some company other than Reno.  
  
"Good evening Elena... How's Reno?" he asked, eyes scanning the amazingly clean room - he'd never seen Reno's apartment in such order - before settling on the couch where Reno was stretched out looking rather smug... a look that quickly faded when he turned away from the television and noticed just who was at the door. Reno sunk into the cushions, somehow doubting that Tseng would be as easily fooled as Elena had been. "I see you're feeling better, Reno."  
  
"Uh... A little, yeah..." he moaned.  
  
"Cut the act, Reno..." Tseng replied. 'Damn...' thought Reno, 'Busted.'  
  
"ACT?!" Elena shrieked, a murderous look in her eyes, "This was all an act?!" She grabbed the nearest object, which forunately for Reno happened to be a pillow, and flung it at him, nailing him in the face.  
  
"Hey... I really *was* sick... this morning..." he protested.  
  
"You... !" Elena yelled, as she tried to run at him, but Tseng's arms wrapped around her waist preventing her from reaching him. "Let me go sir... You have no idea what my day has been like... I'm going to kill him!"  
  
"Calm down Elena," said Tseng, and after a moment the irrate woman stopped struggling.  
  
Elena glared at Reno, suddenly not having the energy to do anything more. Yelling at him had only made her headache worse. She took some solace in the fact that Tseng currently had his arms wrapped around her waist, ignoring the fact that her eyes were slowly closing.  
  
"Elena?" Tseng's voice prodded. She snapped to attention, suddenly realizing that she'd been leaning back against her leader.  
  
"I-I'm sorry sir... I guess I'm just a little tired..." She felt herself being guided towards the couch... heard Tseng order Reno to move... and was set down on the soft cushions. A cool hand touched her forehead. 'Tseng!' she thought, somewhat overjoyed.  
  
"She alright?" asked Reno.  
  
"It would seem that she's come down with the same thing you had this morning..." Tseng replied, "And since she spent the day looking after you... and I hesitate to ask just what you've had her doing all day... it seems only fair that you should take care of her tomorrow."  
  
"Me? But she probably won't even be sick by tomorrow morning... I was over this in a matter of hours!" Reno protested.  
  
"You don't have a choice Reno... I'm ordering you to do it," Tseng replied, eyes narrowing into what was an almost sadistic smile, "Of course you could always wait for her to recover and take whatever punishment she decides to inflict on you... I'm not going to stop her from trying to kill you next time."  
  
"Yes sir," Reno muttered, noting the smirk on Elena's face as she fell asleep on his couch. 'That's it... I'm never getting sick again.' he thought just imagining what was in store for him come tomorrow.  
  
*~fin~* 


	2. Elena's Revenge

Taking Care of Reno: Elena's Revenge  
by Desha  
  
Note: Thanks to all who reviewed my first fic. :) This is a sequel to Taking Care of Reno... Heehee, kinda obvious, huh? It was written during a really boring 75 minute Geochemistry lecture after consuming a half dozen 25 cent brownies... So if you hate it, blame the chocolate induced insanity. ;) Rated PG for some not-nice words. Please review. :)  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Here," said Elena, thrusting a toothbrush into Reno's hand, "And once you've finished the kitchen floor, you can dust the shelves, wash the windows, take out the trash, and... um... well, I'm sure I'll find something for you to do once you're done with all that..." She smiled and walked back into her bedroom, leaving Reno standing there, scowling.  
  
'Maybe I should have just told Tseng to let her kill me,' he mused. Elena's apartment was spotless from his point of view... She was doing this just to irritate him. With a growl of indignation, he stormed into the kitchen where he found a bucket of soapy water waiting for him. 'Damn... I bet she's got this all planned out, too,' he thought, wondering if he would survive his "punishment". It was his own fault he was in this mess... he'd gotten over confident - complacent, even. And he certainly hadn't expected Tseng to show up to check on him, If he'd just been paying a little more attention, he might have gotten away with it...  
  
He sighed and dropped to his knees, toothbrush in hand, and began the seemingly endless task of scrubbing each and every tile on the kitchen floor... No sense dwelling on what he should have done... There was nothing he could do to change it now.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Elena smiled to herself as she rifled through the shopping bag in her closet. Tseng had been nice enough to give her the entire day off to compensate her for Reno's little trick the day before. And he'd actually *ordered* Reno to do whatever she told him to. Elena's smile broadened at the thought of Tseng doing that just for her.  
  
She'd been exhausted the night before, and slightly feverish, but like Reno she'd slept it off in a matter of hours. Now she was ready to see Reno suffer. She never been an overly vindictive person, prefering to follow orders, get the job done, and move on... but Reno had crossed the line. She shuddered at the thought of actually having cleaned his apartment... and shuddered again at the thought of some of the things she'd found while cleaning the apartment... and all because he'd had her convinced that he was too sick to lift a finger. That alone was enough to make her want to get back at him. He'd made her look like a naive little trainee... and in front of Tseng no less!  
  
'Well he's going to pay for that,' she thought as she removed a certain garment from the shopping bag... one that she'd gotten up early that morning to pick up specifically for Reno.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
'Scrub, scrub, scrub... God, this is going to take all fucking day,' Reno seethed, mashing the bristles of the toothbrush hard into the tile in irritation. 'I gotta admit, though... I never thought Elena would be so vindictive...'  
  
"Oh Reno!" a voice tauntingly sang out, "I've got something for you..." Reno hesitatingly looked up and flinched.  
  
"No. No way in Hell," he hissed. He folded his arms stubbornly across his chest.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"I hate you," said Reno, tugging the poofy, high-cut black skirt of the maid's uniform down in a pathetic attempt to make it less revealing, "I really, really hate you."  
  
Elena just smiled and straightened Reno's frilly white apron.  
  
"I think you look cute," she replied, looking him over. Smothering a laugh, she handed him a pair of three-inch heels to do with the dress. Reno scowled and snatched them from her hands, making a point of of not even attempting to hide how he felt about this new humiliation as he put the shoes on.  
  
"Hee hee... Back to work Reno."  
  
Reno turned, muttering curses under his breath, staggering back into the kitchen as he tried to maintain his balance in the shoes. 'How do women walk in these things?' he asked himself as he wobbled and nearly fell. He tried unsuccessfully to tune out Elena's musical laughter and went back to his assigned task. The worst part of this was that Tseng had given her permission to do this to him... and instructed her to give him a full report tomorrow! And then there was Rude... he'd never let him live this down.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
At last he was finished with the floor. He knees ached terribly from having been crowling around the kitchen for the last three hours. Reno stood and walked out of the kitchen, using the wall as a support as the high heels he wore threatened to send him sprawling to the floor. He found Elena curled up in a chair, reading a book.  
  
"I done. Can I take this off now?" he asked gesturing to the outfit he wore.  
  
"Nope," she replied, not looking up from her book, but instead holding up a feather duster. Reno took it, and Elena heard yet another string of muttered profanities as he stormed - or came as close to storming as he could in heels - over to the bookcase in the living room and began dusting. He hadn't been at it more than ten minutes before a loud knock at the door pulled him from his thoughts of escape.  
  
"Answer that, would you Reno," Elena called out from the chair.  
  
"What?! NO!"  
  
"You have to do what I say, remember? Now answer it."  
  
"Fine," he hissed through clenched teeth, "Maybe I'll get lucky and it'll be the friendly neighborhood serial killer."  
  
He walked toward the door wondering if it was a good thing or a bad thing that he was starting to get the hang of walking in heel. He twisted the knob and opened the door to reveal...  
  
"Tseng!" he yelped in surprise, attempting to dart behind the door before his leader could get a good look at what he was wearing. Unfortunatly, he wasn't quite as used to the shoes as he'd thought, and feeling his ankle twist rather painfully, he suddenly found himself falling face first into the carpet. Tseng stepped into the apartment, carefully avoiding Reno's prone form.  
  
"I see you're not having any trouble with him," he said as Elena set her book aside and came over.  
  
"No sir... No trouble at all," she replied.  
  
"Oh don't worry about *me*... I'm just *fine*... Really..." Renointerupted from his position on the floor, his voice muffled by the carpet. Elena bit her lower lip so as not to begin a fit of laughter she couldn't stop. Reno remained motionless on the floor, deciding he was more comfortable now than he'd been since this day started.  
  
"Hmm... Well, I just stopped by to make sure one of you hadn't killed the other..." said Tseng, ignoring Reno's sarcasm with a slight smile, "But it seems you have things well in hand, Elena."  
  
"T-thank you sir," she replied, somewhat flustered by the compliment. Tseng reached down and helped Reno to his feet. Reno glared at Elena for a moment before limping back into the living room to resume his dusting rather that standing around being ridiculed. His ankle throbbed with every step, and the wobbly heels didn't help, but he ignored it.  
  
"Try not to hurt him too much, Elena... I want you both back on duty once Reno's learned his lession," said Tseng.  
  
"Yes sir," Elena replied, nodding.  
  
"Hmph... Rude is going to regret not coming with me when I tell him what you've got Reno wearing..." he added, with one final glance in Reno's direction before nodding a farewell to Elena abd walking out the door. Elena closed the door behind him and grinned to herself, pleased that Tseng had approved of how she was handling things.  
  
She turned back toward Reno, snickering as she watched his display of alternating between limping and dusting as he moved around the room. Reno caught her watching out of the corner of his eye and gave an exagerated whimper as her rested her weight on the injured ankle.  
  
"Oh fine... You can take off the shoes... before you break your neck," said Elena.  
  
'Thank god,' Reno thought as he gladly kicked the shoes off his feet and under the couch, wincing as the blood flow he hadn't even realized had been cut off returned to his toes. 'I need a drink,' he thought to himself, wondering if Elena had any beer in the fridge.  
  
"Wow... I hadn't even realized it was after noon," Elena said suddenly, interupting Reno's thoughts once again, "Go make us some lunch."  
  
"Yes, your majesty," Reno grumbled, heafding for the kitchen.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Figures," he sighed, noting the distinct lack of alcoholic beverages in Elena's kitchen. In fact, the majority of what was in the refrigerator looked disgustingly healthy. At last he found something that seemed vaguely edible... Egg salad... It was either that, or starve. The woman didn't even have a nice piece of week old pizza. He slapped together two sandwiches, gathered a few other items from the pantry, and carried it all over to the table.  
  
"Smile Reno!"  
  
He looked up just in time to be momentarily blinded by a bright flash of light.  
  
"What the... ?" Another flash. "No!" He could hear Elena giggling like a child as he rubbed his eyes, trying to get rid of the spots that now dotted his vision.  
  
"That's it! I've put up with your little orders all day... I cleaned, I made you lunch... I even wore this stupid dress... But this ends now, dammit!" Reno yelled, eying he camera in Elena's hand. He lunged for it, dreading what she might do with those pictures if he didn't destroy them. Elena let out a surprised yelp and dove out of the way just before Reno could tackle her, his own momentum sending him to the floor, facedown. Before he could recover, she bolted for the kitchen door, timing her steps to plant a foot firmly between Reno's shoulder's and slamming him in the floor again. Elena disappeared into her bedroom, locking the door.  
  
"Elena!" Reno's voice sounded muffled through the door. "Give me that camera!"  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
'Oh, now what do I do?' Elena thought. The lock wouldn't keep Reno out for long. Sure enough, a few moments later, she heard the first soft clicks of Reno's attempt to pick the lock. Having no other way out of the room, she would have no choice but the give him what he wanted. She hadn't planned on something like this. Elena didn't have much time, so she did the only thing she could think of. Opening the camera, she removed the film and shoved it safely into a drawer. Digging through the draewer, she quickly located a second roll of film and put it into the camera, felling very pleased with her ingenuity. Just then, that lock clicked loudly, and Reno threw open the door.  
  
"Hand it over Elena," he growled, and Elena thought that he probably would have looked very intimidating were it not for the dress with the frilly little skirt and cute, lacey apron he was currently wearing. She cautiously held the camera out to him. Reno grabbed it from her, turned on his heel, and stormed out of the bedroom, and then out of the apartment altogether. Just when she thought he'd left, laughter rang out from the hallway of Elena's apartment building, and a moment later, Reno stormed back into her apartment, slamming the door behind him.  
  
"Alright... Now hand over my clothes..." he said in measured tones. Elena could still hear someone laughing outside in the hall.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Tseng arrived at the office the next morning to find Reno sulking in a chair in the corner. He tapped his watch, amazed to find that it was indeed still working.  
  
"Reno... You're... on time," he stated with some surprise, "Early, in fact..."  
  
"I wanted to get here before Elena..." said Reno, yawning, "Just in case she decides that what she put me through yesterday wasn't enough."  
  
"Don't you think you're being a bit paranoid, Reno?"  
  
Before Reno could answer, the door opened and in walked Rude. On seeing Reno at work so early, he paused for a moment, and Reno was almost certain he saw an eyebrow rise in curiosity behind the dark lenses of the man's sunglasses. Rude shrugged and sat down at his desk, still eying Reno oddly.  
  
The last to arrive was Elena, a cheerful smile on her face and two colorfully wrapped boxes under her arm.  
  
"Good morning Rude... I have a present for you," she said strolling over to her fellow-Turk and handing him one of the boxes. "And one for you too, sir..." she continued, holding the second out to Tseng, who took it with a small smile. "Open them."  
  
"Hey... What about me?" Reno pouted.  
  
"You'll get what's coming to you, Reno..." Elena replied. Tseng raised an eyebrow quizzically and began removing the wrapping paper. Rude did the same. The two men opened the boxes, Tseng chuckling softly, and even Rude letting out a quiet laugh.  
  
"What? What is it?" asked Reno. Rude answered him by standing and reaching up to remove a framed version of the Shinra logo from the wall and replacing it with the framed photograph from the box Elena had given him. Reno groaned, as he saw an enlarged picture of himself... The same picture he thought he'd retrieved from Elena when he'd taken her camera.  
  
"I think it really adds something to the room, don't you Reno?" Elena said, smiling sweetly.  
  
'Why me?' Reno said to himself, catching sight of the amused expressions on Tseng's and Rude's faces.  
  
*~fin~*  



	3. Rude Awakenings

Taking Care of Reno 3: Rude Awakenings  
by Desha  
  
Note: Part three of what has somehow become a trilogy... LOL... Once again, thanks to everyone who reviewed my previous story.   
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"She's going to pay for this," Reno hissed, stalking into the office.  
  
"What..." Tseng began, slowly looking up from the email he'd been reading, "... now? Oh, I see..." He fought back the smile that tugged at the corners of his mouth.  
  
"How could she do something like this to me?" Reno continued, pacing the room.  
  
"I would guess that it has something to do with the cayenne pepper incident on Monday," Tseng replied calmly.  
  
"She's gone too far..." Reno growled, "She really has..."  
  
"Calm down Reno. I'm sure it will wash out."  
  
"My hair is blue, Tseng... BLUE!" Reno nearly screamed, his voice rising a full octave, "Do you have any idea what it's like being forced to walk around this building with blue hair? I'm sure those bastards down in the lobby are still laughing their asses off right now!"  
  
Tseng sighed. This was getting ridiculous... though he had to admit, it had been amusing to watch, and as Reno and Elena had kept their little feud confined to off-duty hours and times during the day when their pranks wouldn't interfere with business as usual, he had little room for complaint. Reno flicked a lock of azure hair out of his face.  
  
"The question is, what am I going to do to get her back for this?" Reno added, more to himself than to Tseng.  
  
"I don't suppose you could possibly take the mature route for once, and just let it go?"  
  
Reno flashed him a mischievious grin. "You know me better than that, boss..."  
  
"I thought as much," Tseng replied. This had been going on for two weeks now... After Elena had given Tseng and Rude some rather unflattering pictures of Reno, - pictures of Reno dressed in a maid's uniform, looking like a chocobo caught in the headlights of an oncoming truck - Reno had returned the favor by having Elena's car airlifted to the roof of the Shinra building. Elena had then retaliated by faxing said pictures to every employee in the building... And so it had gone on, back and forth, day after day, neither one of them willing to call a truce just yet.  
  
"Good morning, sir... Good morning Reno... I love what you've done with your hair..." a cheery voice called from the open doorway. Elena giggled softly at the sight of Reno's hair... It had been so easy... Reno just cast her a glare that could have warped steal.  
  
"Good morning Elena," Tseng said, stopping Reno before he had a chance to reply... or go for his gun... "Now that you're both here, I have an assignment for you. President Shinra will be travelling to Junon today to welcome the new recruits to SOLDIER. The two of you are going to accompany him as bodyguards."  
  
"Yes sir," Elena said, proud that Tseng had judged her worthy of such an important assignment. Reno, on the other hand, paled.  
  
"Tseng... You can't seriously expect me to go out looking like *this*!" he gasped, mortified, gesturing to his shockingly bright blue hair. Elena snickered loudly. Reno inwardly cringed at the thought of being forced to face the crowd of new recruits looking like this while the president delivered one of his long-winded speeches.  
  
"I expect you to follow orders... And I expect both of you to behave professionally. If I hear otherwise..."  
  
"You won't, sir," Elena quickly stated. Tseng looked pointedly at Reno.  
  
"Yeah, I got it..." Reno grumbled, "Ceasefire until this job is over... Fine..."  
  
"Then get going," Tseng ordered. Elena nodded curtly and marched out the door.  
  
"You sure you can't have Rude do this instead of me?" Reno asked once Elena was out of earshot.  
  
"Rude has his own... assignment," Tseng replied, the barest hint of a smile turning up the corners of his mouth. Reno, however, didn't seem to notice, and sighed, heading off after Elena. Once he was gone, Tseng allowed the smile to spread across his face, reading once again the email Rude had sent him earlier that morning.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Rude was easy to pick out among the scattered people who littered the bar that afternoon. Tseng walked in and sat down next to him. The bald Turk was, unsurprisingly, nursing a beer.  
  
"Now just what did you have in mind?" Tseng asked, waving away the waitress that had approached. Rude smirked and tossed Tseng a key. Printed on the keychain were the words "Sordid Rose Inn, Room 212".  
  
"On second thought, I'm not sure I still want to know..." Tseng chuckled.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
'This is never going to end,' Reno thought to himself as he watched the gathered crowd from his position on the platform, just behind and to the right of President Shinra. Elena stood to his left, keeping an eye on her half of the crowd. The speech had already lasted nearly forty minutes, as near as Reno could tell... Even the recruits, who had seemed so eager and attentive at first, when the president had stepped up to the podium, were begining to look bored. Some of them shifted restlessly from one foot to the other, undoubtably tired of standing at this point... And still the man droned on and on about power and company loyalty and how Shinra and mako energy were the future of the Planet...  
  
'Blah, blah, blah... Hurry up already,' Reno mentally commanded.  
  
What was worse, though, was that Reno seemed to be drawing at least some of the attention that should have been focused on the president... As the speech wore on... and on, and on, and on... more and more of those in attendence seemed to shift their gaze slightly from the speaker to the blue-haired Turk behind him. A number of them turned away when Reno scowled at them, but he still had the unnerving feeling of being under the microscope, so to speak. He anxiously awaited the end of this day.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Just how are you planning to..." Tseng began, stopping in mid-sentance as Rude reached into his jacket and produced a small vial bearing the label of Shinra Labs.  
  
"They'll be out for hours," Rude replied, simply. Tseng thought for a moment about the implications of drugging his own men, but decided that this was for their good. He took a sip of the tea he'd been surprised to find on this establishment's menu and nodded his approval.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Thank god... I didn't think that would ever end," Elena muttered under her breath as President Shinra disappeared into the executive helicopter.  
  
"Tell me about it..." Reno replied bitterly, remembering the multitude of stares his hair had recieved. The tone in Reno's voice almost made Elena feel sorry for him... almost... They boarded the helicopter and passed the trip back to Midgar without speaking to each other.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Come on Rude... After the day I've had, I need a drink or twenty," Reno said, all but dragging his stoic friend out of the office. The remainder of the day had been fairly uneventful. Still, Reno was more than ready to get away from the muffled laughter that seemed to follow him wherever he went... or at least get drunk enough that just didn't notice it anymore. He mentally renewed his vow of revenge against Elena. Rude glanced over at Tseng.  
  
"Coming?" he asked. Reno paused in his efforts to get Rude out the door, casting him a questioning look as to why he assumed that Tseng would want to join them. Even more surprising was that Tseng stood and nodded, joining the other two men at the door.  
  
"Whatever... Let's just go," Reno said with a shrug. He turned back toward the door.  
  
"Care to join us, Elena?" Tseng asked in an offhanded manner before Reno could take another step. Reno visibly cringed at his words.  
  
"Y-yes sir!" she stammered out, caught off-guard by the unexpected invitation. She happily joined the group, Reno's obvious aversion to her coming an added bonus to spending time outside of work with Tseng.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Reno sat happily at the bar with Rude. His complaints about his day, his hair, Elena - which had been unending during the drive over - had finally ceased. Tseng, for one, was grateful for the relative peace in the bar. He and Elena were seated at a small table set off to one side. The conversation had been little more than small-talk, as Tseng paciently waited for the opportunity to put Rude's plan into effect.  
  
"Sir, may I ask you something?" Elena said, looking up from her drink.  
  
"Of course," Tseng replied.  
  
"Has Reno... er... mentioned anything he might be planning to do to me? Because of the blue hair, I mean..."  
  
"Worried, Elena?" Tseng asked, smiling understandingly.  
  
"Well... a little, sir. I think he was a lot more embarassed than I'd originally intended him to be... Especially after the president himself commented on Reno's hair on the trip back..."  
  
"I think Reno's ego will survive this little blow," he replied, "But to answer your question, no. He hasn't mentioned any elaborate schemes for revenge to me today. You'll just have to wait and see."  
  
"Yes sir," said Elena, twisting her napkin in her hands. Tseng placed a hand over one ot Elena's tightly clenched fists.  
  
"I'm sure it won't be anything you can't handle," he said reassuringly. Elena smiled, and Tseng marvelled at just how easily a simple compliment or kind gesture could brighten her mood.  
  
Elena finshed her drink, and Tseng ordered her a second. He watched Rude and Reno out of the corner of his eye, and eventually caught sight of Rude's hand moving oh, so subtly to drop something into Reno's glass. When Elena suddenly turned to glance suspiciously at Reno, Tseng took the opportunity to pour a small amount of white powder into her drink, watching it quickly dissolve and disappear.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"I don't know what I'm going to do to her..." Reno said, as he finished off the last few drops in his glass,"... but it's not... gonna be... pretty..."  
  
As he uttered the last syllable, he fell forward, his head hitting the counter in front of him with a loud thud. Rude smirked and looked over at Tseng and Elena, watching as Elena slumped over in her chair, Tseng moving quickly to catch her before she could hit the floor. Rude slung Reno over one shoulder, carrying him effortlessly toward Tseng, who by now had lifted Elena into his arms. They ignored the odd looks they recieved from some of the bar's other patrons and headed for the car.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The hotel room was small and in desperate need of a coat of paint... Preferably of a color that didn't turn a person's stomach to look at it as the hideous brownish-yellow that covered the walls did now. The furniture was limited to a chair that didn't look like it could support even the slightest weight for any amout of time, a similarly constructed nighttable, and comparatively large bed. A narrow window was the only decoration on the walls.  
  
"I hesitate to ask how you know about this place..." Tseng commented. The hotel itself had been well-hidden, it's entrance unmarked in a back-alley, as if isolated from all of the respectable businesses on the plate. Rude just shrugged and dropped Reno onto the bed. Tseng set Elena down a bit more gently.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Several hours later, Elena yawned and stared at the backs of her eyelids, not wanting to open them and face the sunlight that was encroaching on her sleep. She rolled over, away from the source of the light, and found herself pressed against something soft and warm... and moving... Her eyes snapped open. She looked around the umfamiliar surroundings for only a moment before her eyes settled on the large, blanket-covered lump on the other side of the bed... the large, blanket covered lump that was snoring softly. She sat up in bed, hugging her own half of the blanket against bare skin. With a feeling of dread, she realized that she couldn't remember anything after going to the bar last night with Tseng...  
  
'Tseng?' she thought, hesitantly reaching to pull back the blanket.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
A blood-curdling scream jarred Reno from his sleep, looking around frantically as he tried to figure out where the hell he was. His eyes at last locked onto a blond-haired figure clutching a blanket to her chest, the look on her face a mixture of horror, revulsion, and utter shock. He blinked, still dazed from being so rudely awakened, and the face took on a familiar look... Reno's eyes widened as realization set in, and he let out a scream to echo Elena's...  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Across the hall from room 212, the twin screams could be heard plainly through the walls.  
  
"Sounds like they're awake," Rude said, reclining back in a chair, his feet propped up on the nighttable. Tseng turned away from the window he'd been standing at.  
  
"So it would seem," he replied with a soft chuckle. The two men had been waiting all morning to hear the reaction to the previous night's set-up. "Maybe now those two will call off this foolish little war of theirs..."  
  
"How long do we let 'em suffer?" asked Rude.  
  
"I haven't decided yet," Tseng replied, with an uncharacteristically sadistic grin.  
  
~fin~  



	4. Of Cheap Hotels and Condiments

Taking Care of Reno 4: Of Cheap Hotels and Condiments  
by Desha  
  
Note: I couldn't decide how to integrate Reno's and Elena's reaction into one section, so I decided to tell half of the story twice, once from each point of view, at first and then bring them together later. Does that make sense? Well, read it and you'll see what I mean. :) Reviews are appreciated! :)  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Her scream, and Reno's as well, seemed to echo in the little room for a few seconds, and then all was silent. A sickening feeling of dread came over Elena as she stared in shock at Reno. 'We didn't... Did we?' she wondered, her mind forming the question that her lips couldn't quite manage. What had happened? How could Tseng had let her... She worked futily to piece together the previous night's event.  
  
"Not to ruin the moment here, but you wouldn't happen to know where our clothes are, would you?" Reno asked. Apparently he had recovered from the initial shock faster than she had. She looked at him blankly for a moment.  
  
"Please just tell me that this is some sick joke you came up with to get me back for the blue hair..." She hated the way her voice wavered as she said that. She half expected Reno to tell her not to be so weak in that irritating, smartass, almost delusionally superior way of his. Instead he just smiled at her. She flinched at that grin, wanting to smack him for it.  
  
"Nope," he replied, leaning over the edge of the bed. She heard him utter a soft "Ah ha!" and a moment later, he sat up, grin still plastered across his face in triumph as he held up his pants. Elena's last spark of hope was extinguished.  
  
'That jerk... I can't believe he's so calm about this...' she thought. She sank down into the covers, pulling them over her head. 'Could this possibly be any more humiliating?' She rolled over, away from Reno, pulling the blanket along with her. Thoughts of Tseng questioning her on where she'd disappeared to last night played through her mind like some grotesque movie, and the possibility of actually having to explain made her shudder. How could this have happened? She clutched the blanket tighter.  
  
"Hey... Where d'ya think you're going with that?" Reno asked, tugging at the blanket, amusement evident in his voice. That settled it... She'd just have to kill him. Or herself. Or both. Elena twisted her fingers into the material and pulled still more of it away from Reno, cocooning herself in cheap cotton. He poked her through the material.  
  
"Elena?" She remained silent. Damned if she was going to answer him. She felt him shift on the matress, the sound of cloth sliding over skin and a moment later, a zipper being done up.  
  
"Elena..." Reno's tone was teasing, as if trying to entice a small child out of her hiding place. Elena began a mental list of all the unfortunate "accidents" Reno could meet with in the near future. The matress rose slightly as Reno left the bed.  
  
'That bastard,' she thought, 'He's just going to leave and pretend none of this ever happened... or worse, go off and brag about it...'  
  
Elena was about to wrestle aside the covers she'd buried herself under and give Reno a piece of her mind... if not rip his throat out... when something large and heavy slammed down on the opposite side of the bed. Simultaneously, she heard Reno's voice call out, "Elena!" The impact drew a loud groan from the bedsprings, and catapulted Elena onto the floor with a thud.  
  
For a moment, she was too dazed to even move as she tried to figure out what had just happened. The confusion slowly lifted, and she worked to untangle herself from the blanket. She could heard him laughing quietly from above. When she finally succeeded in peeking her head out from the confines of the material, she found herself looking up at a very smug Reno, stretched out on his stomach across the width of the bed.  
  
"You... Oh you son of a bitch!" she screamed, too angry to think of anything more original to say.  
  
"Oh good... I was afraid you weren't speaking to me." he said, the smile never leaving his face for a second.  
  
'Death is too good for him,' Elena thought, glaring at him with every once of anger she could summon.  
  
"Relax, Elena... I think we've been had," Reno added.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The disorientation of waking up in a strange bed... Finding Elena next to him, blanket clutched to her chest... The sudden shriek that had awakened him in the first place... No wonder he'd echoed her scream.  
  
'I couldn't possibly have been *that* drunk last night...' Reno thought to himself as Elena gawked at him wide-eyed, mouth slightly open. 'It just had to be Elena... Of all people...'  
  
He sighed softly and looked over at Elena again. The shock was so clearly etched across her face that he almost laughed. 'How could Rude have let me... Wait a second...' Rude had been there last night, and so had Tseng. There was just no way they'd have let something like this happen. Which left only two possiblities in his mind. Either both men died sudden, horrible deaths, leaving Elena and Reno alone in a drunken stupor, or the more likely choice, they'd had something to do with the current situation.  
  
He thought back to the night before. Rude had invited Tseng along. Reno hadn't been able to figure out why, nor did he really care at the time. He'd just wanted to get out of the building and into the nearest bar. The more he thought about it, the more sense it made... Rude's sudden inquiry of "Coming?" as Reno had been trying to drag him out the door... And Tseng had simply stood and joined them, as though it had been expected.  
  
'God, they were both in on it...' he thought, resisting the urge to smack himself in the forehead. Suddenly, he realized that Elena hadn't made a sound since she'd screamed, and he noticed that she was still staring at him in shocked silence, probably trying to figure out how in the hell she'd gotten here.  
  
"Not to ruin the moment here, but you wouldn't happen to know where our clothes are, would you?" Reno asked. He wondered who'd come up with the idea... It seemed too immature for something Tseng would do. Then again, he'd never thought of Rude as being the sadistic sort, either.  
  
"Please just tell me that this is some sick joke you came up with to get me back for the blue hair..." Elena replied. The quivering tone of her voice betrayed the distress and mortification she must have been feeling. Reno smiled, thoroughly enjoying it. 'Serves her right...' he thought, smoothing back a lock of still-blue hair.  
  
"Nope."  
  
'Wish I'd been the one to think of it though,' he added mentally, as he leaned over the side of the bed. 'Pants... Pants would be nice...' They were nowhere in sight, though the rest of his clothes, as well as Elena's were strewn about the room. He fished around under the bed for a moment, fingers at last encountering fabric.  
  
"Ah ha!" he murmured, sitting up and grinning in triumph. 'Thought you could hide from me, huh?' he silently chastised the pants. Elena leaned back, pulling the covers over her head and dragging them away from Reno.  
  
"Hey... Where d'ya think you're going with that?" he asked as he found his bare skin being slowly exposed, trying not to laugh. He made a half-hearted attempt at reclaiming his half of the blanket, to which Elena responded by stealing all of it and rolling herself to the opposite edge of the bed.  
  
"Elena?" he ventured, poking the blanket. He received no answer from her. Despite the fact that his hair was still blue, he couldn't help but think this had gone far enough.  
  
'Damn conscience,' he thought as he lay back and slid into the one article of clothing he'd retrieved, 'A perfectly good opportunity to torment her and I can't bring myself to do it...'  
  
He rolled onto his side, propping his head up with one hand so he could ever so slightly lean over the hiding Turk.  
  
"Elena..." he called in an almost sing-song voice. Still no answer. 'Well, fine... Two can play at this game...' he thought. Reno slithered off the bed and stood to one side for just a moment before launching himself back onto the matress, hitting it hard on her knees.  
  
"Elena!" he cried loudly as the impact had the desired effect. Blanket and all, Elena was bounced upwards and tossed to the floor. Reno stretched out across the bed, looking down at her as she struggled to peek her head out.  
  
"You... Oh you son of a bitch!" She was definitly angry. Reno flashed her an innocent smile.  
  
"Oh good... I was afraid you weren't speaking to me."  
  
Oh, if looks could kill... Reno let his smile spread, noting the murderous look on Elena's scowling face.  
  
"Relax Elena... I think we've been had."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"It's gotten quiet."  
  
"I doubt they've kill each other just yet," Tseng replied. The last sound they'd heard from the room across the hall had been a loud curse directed at Reno. Tseng and Rude had decided to hold off on revealing the truth to their warring compatriots for the time being and just wait and see what happened.  
  
Rude shrugged and leaned back in his chair, content to let Reno and Elena suffer a bit longer.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"What are you talking about?" Elena asked from her position on the floor.  
  
"Think about it... Would Tseng and Rude really let us wander off to some cheap hotel after a night of binge drinking?"  
  
"*I* wasn't the one who was binge drinking," Elena muttered.  
  
"Which brings up another point... Last I remember I was only on my fourth or so drink. Takes more than that to obliterate an entire night."  
  
"So you think they set us up?" she asked, obvious relief flooding her features, "But... Tseng wouldn't... I just can't imagine him being in on something like that..."  
  
"Oh wake up... He practically started this whole little feud in the first place," said Reno.  
  
"What?! You're the one who started it!" Elena replied, shuddering at the memory of Reno's apartment.  
  
"Alright, alright... I'm not going to argue that point with you... But Tseng did encourage us to continue it, at least. Who ordered me to be your slave for a day? And who told Rude to leave that god-awful picture of me on the wall in the office? And he didn't exactly try to disuede me when he caught me borrowing cayenne pepper from the cafeteria..."  
  
"I don't believe this," Elena moaned. Reno chuckled and slid off the bed, and began to round up the stray articles of clothing that had been scattered around the room.  
  
"Well, while you're waiting for reality to set in, I'm going to take a shower and pray that my hair is red again when I get out," he said, tossing Elena's clothes onto the bed and disappearing into the bathroom.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Reno closed his eyes and let his muscles relax as the water hit his skin, turning up the heat as hot as he could stand it. He let the stream wash through his hair, daring to open one eye and sighing in relief when he saw the clear water turn to a sapphire blue as it swirled down the drain at his feet. He just hoped that all of the dye came out so he wouldn't end up with purple hair or something.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Once Reno was gone, Elena had quickly dressed and sat herself down on the bed, trying to decide what to do. She hated to admit it, but Reno was right... Tseng and Rude had to have set them up. She didn't want to believe that Tseng of all people would toy with her like that, but it just made too much sense. Suddenly, a new thought occured to her... If Tseng and Rude really had set them up, then they would have wanted to be around to see the results... which meant that they were quite possibly still somewhere in the hotel. She pulled her gun from it's holster beneath her jacket. A couple of gunshots were bound to get their attention...  
  
Just then, Reno emerged from the bathroom, fully dressed, his damp hair now restored to its natural color. He raked his fingers through the tangled mess a few times before tying it back into a ponytail.  
  
"Uh... Elena? What exactly are you planning to do with that?" he asked, noting the gun in the woman's hand and the look of sadistic intent in her eyes.  
  
"Reno... I think it's time we called a truce and worked together for the greater good," she replied.  
  
"Hey... If that 'greater good' involves a little retribution for last night, count me in..."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ten minutes later, Reno climbed back up the fire escape and squeezed himself through the narrow second floor window and into the room.  
  
"Ketchup?" Elena asked, eying the bottle clutched in his hand, "Are you sure they won't know?"  
  
"It's all I could get on such short notice... It's still pretty early, ya know... Besides, what are they going to do? Taste it to see if it's real?"  
  
"Alright, fine... Shall we then?" she asked, holding up her gun. Reno laughed quietly and nodded.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Think we should check on them?" Rude asked. Tseng was silent for a moment. Normally, he was a very patient man, but Elena and Reno had been too quiet for too long. Something didn't sit right. He nodded.  
  
"Perhaps we've taken this far enough. Let's..." he was interupted by a loud crash from across the hall.  
  
"You bastard!" screamed Elena's voice, muffled only slightly by the thin walls of the hotel. Another crash.  
  
"Elena! Put it down!" Reno's voice this time. A third crash followed by a cry of pain.  
  
"How could you?!" Elena shrieked. The sound of a body colliding with a solid wall.  
  
"No! Elena, don't!" The sharp report of a gunshot and then a second. The sound of glass breaking.  
  
"Get back here, Reno!" And then silence. At the first sound of gunfire, Tseng and Rude had been on their feet in a matter of seconds, running for the door of their room. By the time they'd reached the door opposite them, not a sound could be heard from within the other room. The door yielded easily to Tseng's shoulder as he forced his way inside, his co-conspirator not far behind. The two men stopped in mid-stride, taking in the shattered furniture, the broken window... and the red stains on the carpet and windowsill. Without a word, they turned back to the door, racing down the stairs and past the front desk, emerging in the alleyway that the window of Elena and Reno's room faced.  
  
"Which way?" asked Rude.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Elena laughed as Reno curled up behind the dumpster, looking at his ketchup-covered shirt.  
  
"Why the hell did I even bother with a shower this morning?" he asked. That just caused Elena to laugh harder.  
  
"Just remember why wre're doing this," she said.  
  
"Yeah, I know... Just go hide before they track us down!"  
  
Elena nodded and hid herself further down the alley. She fired two more shots into the air, and then sat back to wait for Tseng and Rude.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"That way," Tseng replied, turning in the direction of the gunshots. He and Rude ran down the alley, looking for any sign of their fellow-Turks. Tseng frowned as they came upon a bright red handprint on the side of a dumpster, fearing the worst.  
  
'This is my fault,' thought Tseng, 'I should have put a stop to this weeks ago.'  
  
Tseng crept around behind the dumpster, discovering Reno curled up, his knees to his chest, clothing stained an angry red.  
  
"Rude... Back here," he called, crouching down in the narrow space beside Reno. The younger man's eyes were closed tight, and his breathing was barely noticable.  
  
"Let's get him out of here," Tseng said to Rude, as he reached down to lift the slender red-head.  
  
Suddenly, Reno's eyes flew open, and he twisted out of Tseng's grasp, reaching into his jacket. That was the last thing either Tseng of Rude had expected, and neither man could react in time to avoid the spray of red liquid that spattered them as Reno squeezed down on the ketchup bottle. Tseng took the most direct hit, and when Rude realized what had happened, he tried to back away, only to be shoved forward again from behind... directly into the path of a second wave of ketchup. Feminine laughter could be heard behind him.  
  
"..." Rude looked down at his suit.  
  
Reno smirked as he finished emptying the contents of the bottle onto the two men. Tseng shook his head and sighed.  
  
"I suppose we deserved that," he said, wiping the ketchup away from his face with his sleeve. He grimaced slightly, taking in the condition of his normally immaculate clothing.  
  
"You had us worried," Rude commented.  
  
"Yeah, well you two scared the living hell out of me and Elena this morning," Reno replied, pulling himself to his feet by way of Tseng's proffered hand, "This was you're idea, wasn't it Rude?" he added, grinning. Rude nodded.  
  
"Perhaps now things can get back to normal?" Tseng questioned, pivoting slightly to look back at Elena as well.  
  
"Yes sir... Reno and I have called a truce. No more jokes. Right Reno?" said Elena.  
  
"Right," Reno replied, sounding a little disappointed at the prospect, "Though it doesn't seem fair that you came out of this without a single drop of ketchup on you..."  
  
"Just my luck, I guess..." Elena said, smiling, "And since that bottle's empty, I guess I'll just have to stay clean."  
  
Rude studied Elena for a moment, and before she could fathom what he intended, he wrapped his ketchup-covered arms around her in a hug. Elena squealed and tried to get away, but Rude didn't release her until he was satisfied that she was sufficiently stained.  
  
"That's much better," Reno said, clapping Rude on that back and grinning. Tseng chuckled lightly.  
  
"I think we should all go home, clean up, and change into some clean clothes," Tseng said, "If we hurry, we can make it into the office just in time to be late."  
  
"Sounds good to me," Reno agreed as they headed off down that alley, "Oh...um... Elena?"  
  
"Yeah Reno?"  
  
"Since this war is officially over now, I really should warn you.. I kinda did something to your bathtub... I hope you like orange Jell-O..."  
  
"What?! Reno!"  
  
Reno's eyes widened slightly, and he quickly turned, sprinting away from the group, with Elena hesitating only a moment before persuing him.  
  
"What do you think she'll do if she catches him?" asked Rude.  
  
"I don't think I want to know," Tseng replied.  
  
*~fin~* 


	5. Long Way Down

Taking Care of Reno 5: Long Way Down  
by Desha  
  
Note: Welcome back to the story that just won't die... LOL... I don't know, I was going to end it at three parts, but then someone told me it needed a finale. Then I was going to end it at four parts, until a friend of mine gave me this idea... So on with the wacky adventures of Reno and Elena! Whether or not there will ever be a Part 6 is entirely up to inspiration and the reviews I get for this... ;)  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Look... A bird!" said Reno, fluttering his fingers in front of the light that emanated from the tip of his electro-rod, eyeing the vaguely avian-like shadow his hands cast on the wall.  
  
"I don't believe this..." a voice moaned from the opposite side of the darkened elevator car. Of all the people to be stuck with... Why couldn't the power have waited one more minute to go out? Now she was trapped in here with Reno and his pathetic puppet show.  
  
"Yeah, I'm pretty good, aren't I?" Reno grinned, "Heh... an elephant!"  
  
Elena let her head bang once against the metal wall... Elephant indeed. Reno's little shadow puppet looked more like a mutant sea urchin than anything else. It was never going to end. Sure things had quieted down since that little... incident... at the Sordid Rose Inn, but they'd gone from public humiliation to subtle torture... driving each other nuts in little ways, striving to irritate each other without drawing attention to their antics. She had to admit it could be fun, though. Elena couldn't remember ever having so enjoyed watching a person eat J-ello, for example... She smiled to herself in the dim light as she pictured the expression on Reno's face as she'd forced him to choke down every last drop of the lime J-ello he'd taken the liberty of filling her bathtub with... Ever since, the mere sight of the wobbly dessert turned him a shade of green to match.  
  
"And now... A bunny!"  
  
"Dear Holy, will you just stop?!" she cried, her reminiscence interrupted. Reno flashed her a grin, the odd lighting from his electro-rod making the expression look downright evil... At least she *hoped* it was just the lighting.  
  
"How about a dog?" he asked innocently. She would definitely have to find some way to pay him back for this...  
  
"Reno, I swear, if you don't knock it off, I'll shove that nightstick of yours so far up your..."  
  
She was cut off in mid-threat by Reno's laughter. "Now, now Elena... That's no way to speak to a fellow-Turk," he chided, smirking.  
  
'I'm not going to let him get to me... I'm just going to ignore him until someone gets us out of here,' she thought, glaring at him, 'Oh, why couldn't I have gotten stuck in this elevator with Tseng?'  
  
"So what, now you're gonna pout?" Reno teased, "Don't act so weak."  
  
'Don't act so weak... Don't act so weak...' she mimicked silently, 'Can't the bastard think of a better insult?' Weak? She hated it when he called her that. She honestly didn't know if it was Reno's twisted idea of motivation, or if that was how he really thought of her. Either way, it infuriated her to no end. One of these days, he was going to say it one too many times...  
  
"Damn... You'd think they'd have us out of here by now," Reno said, his tone turning momentarily serious. Elena looked at her watch, squinting to see the tiny hands in the dim light.  
  
"We've only been in here for fifteen minutes," she said.  
  
"Fifteen minutes too long," Reno muttered, "I hate elevators..."  
  
"Scared of elevators? Ha! Now who's weak?" Elena replied smugly.  
  
"Never said I was afraid of 'em... Just don't like 'em," Reno said, returning to his shadow puppets, though with less than his previous enthusiasm.  
  
"Aww... Reno, the big tough Turk is scared of a widdle elevator..." she taunted, laughing as she spoke. Finally, something she could do to annoy *him* for a change.  
  
"Oooh... Real mature," Reno retorted.  
  
"As if you're one to lecture *me* on maturity, Mr. I-Still-Sleep-With-A-Stuffed-Animal!"  
  
"I do not!"  
  
"Oh yeah? Then what's that ratty old stuffed bunny you keep on your bed for, hmm?" she said accusingly, daring him to defy the fact. She'd noticed the disgusting looking thing during her stay at Reno's apartment while he was pretending to be utterly and helplessly ill. The bunny had definitely seen better days... In fact, it looked like it'd been dragged through the most vile gutters of the slums and then tossed into a washing machine in the hopes of restoring it to at least a sanitary condition again. She'd even caught him curled up under the blankets with the plush toy, evidence that she was more than prepared to use against him.  
  
"Mr. Foo-Foo is *not* ratty!" Reno yelled back, realizing a moment too late what he'd just said.  
  
"Mr... Foo-Foo?!" Elena managed to choke out before falling victim to a fit of uncontrollable laughter.  
  
"Yes, Mr. Foo-Foo," he replied with as much dignity as he could muster, "And he's not ratty... Just a little worn!"  
  
"Hee hee hee... Just wait until Rude hears about this..."  
  
"You wouldn't..." Reno hissed, narrowing his eyes.  
  
"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't... I still owe you for what you did to my lunch two days ago... And don't even *try* and tell me that was an accident! You *know* I'm allergic to garlic!"  
  
"If you say *one word* to Rude, I will hunt you down and make sure no one ever finds the body," he replied, knowing full well that his normally stoic partner would never, ever let him live this down.  
  
  
"Oh this is just too perfect... Finally something I can hold over you..."  
  
"You've been hanging around Rufus too much, Elena... You're starting to think like him."  
  
"Oh, that's not a very nice thing to say. I don't think Mr. Foo-Foo would approve... Not at all." She could literally *see* Reno repressing the urge to strangle her. 'Good... Now he knows how *I* feel...' she thought happily.  
  
"Just... Shut up!" he said at last, folding his arms over his chest and leaning back against the wall, turning his eyes away from her. Elena decided to do just that, for the moment at least. Let him think over his position for awhile. She sank to the floor, trying to find a comfortable position to sit in. The elevator was silent, aside from the incessant buzz from the glowing electro-rod and the occasionally creak of the wires that held them suspended fifty stories up.  
  
'The maintenance crew sure is taking their sweet time getting here,' she thought to herself as Reno sat down across from her, the electro-rob between them as a sort of mutually acknowledged boundary. She wondered how long its power supply would hold out. Somehow, the idea of being trapped alone, in the dark, with Reno was not especially appealing... not when he was in the kind of mood she'd managed to put him in, at any rate.  
  
"Damn... is it hot in here, or what?" Reno muttered.  
  
"It's that stupid flashlight of yours that's making it so hot," said Elena, nodding to the electro-rod. It was probably overheating, it'd been on so long.  
  
"Well, we could always sit around in the dark," he spat back. Elena chose not to dignify that with a response. It would just lead to another argument.  
  
Reno shrugged his jacket off and tossed it on the floor. He shifted uncomfortably for a moment before beginning to unbutton his shirt as well.  
  
"Just what do you think you're doing?"  
  
"What's it look like?" Reno drawled, "It's like a sauna in here."  
  
"It is *not* that hot," Elena replied, rolling her eyes. Reno smirked and started to whistle innocently. Elena cringed and the half-hearted whistle turned into an obnoxiously nasal tune. She glared at him and he paused just long enough to grin at her before continuing with what was probably, knowing Reno, a popular drinking song from one of his favorite bars.  
  
He knew she hated it... which was probably why he only did it when he really wanted to get under her skin. She'd tried asking him calmly to stop, tried screaming at him, tried throwing various office supplies at him, but that had only seemed to reinforce in his mind that this was a great way to get on her nerves.  
  
She hated that sound so much, and it didn't help that Reno's whistling always had a shrill, grating quality to it... nor did it help that the obnoxious Turk pretended to be utterly tone-deaf when he did it so that even songs that might not have been truly irritating was butchered and mangled so horribly it was unbearable. And of course, he did *that* on purpose, too... She'd heard Reno sing any number of times - mainly times he'd been drunk off his ass - and while he definitely didn't have a singing career in his future, he could at least carry a tune.  
  
At last she could take it anymore. The sharp whistle bounced off the walls of the little elevator car, which only served to amplify the detested sound. Elena could already feel the beginnings of what was sure to become a splitting headache. Sadistically, she toyed with the idea of drawing her gun and simply putting him out of *her* misery... but that was out of the question. Besides the fact that Tseng wouldn't be at all pleased, any shots fired in the confines of the elevator would undoubtedly ricochet. With her luck, she'd probably end up shooting herself instead of Reno. She'd never get away with it anyway. The little red light on the security camera in the corner told her that they were being recorded, and she silently cursed the fact that security was on a separate set of generators. Finally she settled on doing the next best thing. She slipped off a shoe and flung it at Reno, nailing him squarely in the forehead. The whistle promptly died on his lips.  
  
"Ow!" he yelled, running his forehead. He snatched Elena's shoe from the floor, "Just for that, I'm keeping it!"  
  
"Fine!" she replied, "In that case, you'll want the other one to go with it!" She hurled the other shoe at Reno as hard as she could, hitting him in the chest. He flinched.  
  
"Geesh... Come on, Elena. I bruise easy, ya know..."  
  
She wished she had something else to hit him with.  
  
"Yeah? Tell it to Mr. Foo-Foo," she muttered, and glanced down at her watch. 'Half and hour stuck in here.' she thought, 'Where are those repair guys? They've gotta know we're in here...'  
  
She leaned back against the wall and sighed, gazing up at the security camera. Someone had to be watching... And if they weren't, that someone was going to lose his job just as soon as she got out. But that thought was suddenly shoved aside as the faint odor of smoke registered.  
  
"Reno?" she said, alarmed.  
  
"What?" he replied, only barely acknowledging her.  
  
"Do you smell smoke?"  
  
Reno's eyes widened and he sat up, just as the light from the electro-rod began to flicker.  
  
"Damn it! It's overheating..." he muttered, reaching for the weapon to turn it off. A stream of electricity arced out from the tip just before he touched it and for a moment, Elena could see the current flowing up his arm. Reno let out a pained yelp, skittering backwards as the electro-rod shorted out, "Great! This is just great! Now I'm going to have to get it repaired!"  
  
In the pitch dark, Elena could hear him moving around for a moment before he sat back down.  
  
"Wonderful... Perfect!" he continued, "This is just what I always dreamed of. Stuck, in the dark, in an *elevator*... with *you*!"  
  
"What's the matter Reno? Don't like the dark? Maybe you'd feel better if Mr. Foo-Foo was here..." she teased.  
  
"Would you just drop it?!" his voice screamed at her from the darkness, "My mom gave me that toy, ok?! It's the only thing they let me keep when..."  
  
"When what?" Elena asked a moment after Reno lapsed into silence. "Reno?"  
  
"When they dragged me off to the orphanage after she died. There. Happy now?"  
  
She been prepared to respond with another biting remark, but the sudden admission stopped her cold. She just didn't know what to say to that.  
  
"I'm sorry," she said dumbly, lacking anything more intelligent.  
  
"Whatever."  
  
Neither of them said a word after that. They sat silently in the dark elevator until suddenly the car lurched and the fluorescent lights flickered back on as they began to rise.  
  
'Oh thank you... Thank you, thank you, thank you...' Elena thought as she climbed to her feet, and a few seconds later the chime sounded and the doors opened.  
  
The two Turks stepped into the hallway, finding the corridor empty. Elena had expected someone to be waiting there... preferably with an explanation and an apology for leaving them stranded for so long... but the fact that she was finally free overshadowed that annoyance as she followed Reno down the hall.  
  
"Um... Reno?"  
  
"Now what?" he sighed.  
  
"Can I... um... have my shoes back please?"  
  
Reno stopped in mid-stride and spun around to face her. The frown he wore quickly turned into his trademark smirk.  
  
"No... I think I'll keep 'em... They'll look great on Mr. Foo-Foo..."  
  
Elena stared at him, her mouth hanging open. 'That's it... I hate him...'  
  
"Hey!" she yelled as Reno turned and started down the hallway, "Give those back! Those shoes cost me 900 gil! On sale!"  
  
Reno laughed wickedly and broke into a run, to which Elena had no choice but to chase him...  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
Rude turned away from the video monitor showing the interior of the elevator, and switch off the microphone he'd planted inside the car. It had definitely been worth all the trouble he'd gone to setting it up.  
  
"Mr. Foo-Foo, huh? I'll have to remember that one..." he said to himself.  
  
*~fin~*  



	6. The Case of the Disappearing Bunny

Taking Care of Reno 6: The Case of the Disappearing Bunny  
by Desha  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
Note: This only makes sense if you've read part 5... Of course if you're reading this, you've probably at least skimmed the preceding installments of this twisted fic... and if anyone out there has actually been wondering whether or not I was ever going to post anything again, well, I should have at least two more new stories up this week... If my typing fingers don't get lazy on me again... LOL. :)  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
"You!"  
  
Elena squeaked, startled by the sudden shout, and spun around to face a none-too-happy red haired Turk. Her coffee mug slipped from her hand and shattered on the floor.  
  
"Where is he, Elena?" he hissed menacingly.  
  
"W-where is who?" she managed after a moment, thoroughly confused and more than a little concerned by the near-homicidal looking in Reno's emerald-green eyes.  
  
"You know *exactly* who I mean," said Reno, eyes darting back and forth, assuring himself that they were indeed alone for the moment before saying any more, "Mr. Foo-Foo!"  
  
"What?!"  
  
"I want him back... Right now!"  
  
"Well *I* don't have him!"  
  
"Don't lie to me! I know you took him!"  
  
"I did not!"  
  
"Did so!"  
  
"Did not!"  
  
"Did so!"  
  
"Did not!"  
  
"Did not!"  
  
"DID SO!" Elena screamed.  
  
"Ha! I knew it!" Reno crowed triumphantly. Elena raised a hand to her forehead, already feeling the beginnings of a very bad headache... and feeling more than a little pathetic for actually falling for that.  
  
"Grow up," she said flatly, pushing her way past him and heading for the safety of her own office.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
Oh, if looks could kill... Reno'd never have needed his electro-rod again. Elena had spent the better part of the day doing her very best to avoid him and his childish harassment, but by lunchtime, Reno was practically stalking her, a murderous glare etched on his face as he followed her all around the building. And Reno, being Reno after all, had quite literally followed her everywhere... even into the women's restroom, where he spent his time scrawling his phone number and the phrase "For a good time, call:" on the wall while Elena attended to... personal matters. And as if that weren't enough, Tseng kept casting her disapproving glances all day, as if it were *her* fault Reno had gone completely and utterly insane. Thankfully, she'd finally lost psychotic Turk somewhere between the conference room and the parking garage.  
  
She sighed as she climbed into the driver's seat. 'I am going home to soak in a nice hot bath, and forget all about Reno and his stupid lost toy,' she thought to herself, decidedly. And just why the hell was he so convinced that *she* took the damn thing anyway?  
  
"Where is he, Elena?" a dead calm voice asked from the backseat. Elena nearly jumped out of her skin.  
  
"Reno, have you lost you mind?!" she cried, twisting around in the seat to face him, "I don't have your stupid rabbit, you lunatic!"  
  
"Yeah? And I suppose you didn't send me these, either!" he yelled back, flinging a small envelope at her. She ducked and it hit the windshield instead, its contents spilling out across the dash. Photos fluttered to the floor of the car, scattering everywhere. Elena picked up a few... and began to laugh.  
  
"I want him back!" Reno stated again.  
  
"I didn't take these pictures... But I almost wish I'd thought of it!" she replied, fighting to hold off a fit of giggles as she snatched more of the photos from where they'd landed.  
  
Mr. Foo-Foo climbing a tree... Mr. Foo-Foo drinking a beer... Mr. Foo-Foo bungee jumping... Mr. Foo-Foo being kissed on each cheek by two rather attractive women... Apparently Reno's little stuffed bunny really got around... Reno, however, didn't seem to find it quite so amusing.  
  
"It had to be you... You're the only one that knows about... Mr. Foo-Foo. Unless, or course, you opened that big mouth of yours!" he sneered.  
  
"Reno, I didn't say a word," she sighed, "Now get the hell out of my car."  
  
"Not a chance. It you didn't tell anyone about him, then it had to be you that took him... and I'm not going to give you a moment's peace until I get him back!"  
  
"For the last time, I don't have your stupid stuffed bunny! OI wouldn't *touch* that drool-covered lump of fuzz if you paid me!" she yelled. She was getting more than a little sick of Reno's incessant accusations.  
  
"Are you implying that I drool?" Reno replied, narrowing his eyes at the insult.  
  
"Out!" she screamed, fighting the urge to put her Turk training to good use and strangle him.  
  
"Fine... I'll go... But you'll be hearing from me again... Oh, yes..." He grinned evilly, climbing out of the car. Elena hit the accelerator the moment the door slammed shut, leaving a trail of rubber on the ground as she peeled out of the garage.  
  
"I know it was you, Elena... I shall have my Mr. Foo-Foo!" he shouted after her.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Oh, Tseng..." she murmured.  
  
*RING*  
  
The obnoxious sound roused her from a truly wonderful dream...  
  
*RING*  
  
"What the hell...?" she muttered, and it took her a moment to realize it was her phone. She glanced at the clock and her half-awake mind somehow managed to register that it was three in the morning.  
  
*RING*  
  
"This had better be an emergency..." she moaned as she reached for the phone, "Hello?" she said in a groggy voice.  
  
"Yeah, I want a large pizza, with pepperoni, green peppers, bacon, pineapple, extra cheese, and anchovies, and a large order of breadsticks, extra garlic..." a high-pitched, nasal voice whined.  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"I said, I want a..."  
  
"I heard you... Look, you've got the wrong number..."  
  
"Oh, well in that case, I'll have the house special number five with a side of onion rings..."  
  
"Listen pal... I don't do takeout!" she yelled, and hung up the phone before collapsing back into her pillows. It wasn't long before her eyes began to drift closed...  
  
*RING*  
  
"Yes?!" she hissed into the phone.  
  
"Hey, can I get a turkey sib with mayo, lettuce, cheese, mustard..."  
  
"Stop calling me!" she cried as she slammed the receiver down.  
  
*RING*  
  
'I'm just gonna ignore it... He's gotta give up eventually,' she thought.  
  
*RING*  
  
She pulled a pillow over her head.  
  
*RING*  
  
She picked up the receiver and set it down again, and waited. The darkened room remained silent, and when she was satisfied that the phone would continue to be quiet, she lay back down, determined to salvage whatever was left of the night.  
  
*RING*  
  
"Ahhh!!!" she screamed, and yanked the phone cord out of the wall before hurling the offending object across the room. It smacked into the wall with a loud thud and fell to the floor, and she did her best to put aside thoughts of what the wall would look like in the morning.  
  
'It probably would have been easier to just leave it off the hook,' she thought, pulling the covers over herself and soon drifting off to sleep again.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
Unfortunately, Elena's peace and quiet lasted only another couple of hours... While she slept, a shadow crept silently into her apartment, nimble fingers having made short work of the lock. It stole into her bedroom and paused beside her bed for a moment, watching her sleep, before tossing something to the floor. A greyish-white smoke began to fill the room, and the shadow quickly retreated, dropping more of its little surprises as it made its way back into the night from whence it came.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
Elena sat up, coughing and gagging on the unimaginable stench that was quickly filling the air in her room. Her eyes watered, and whatever was spewing out that god-awful odor, she couldn't see it. She made a mad dash for the door, groping for the handle in the darkness and al last escaping into the living room... only to find that the smell was just as thick there, and utterly nauseating. Having not other option, she abandoned her apartment. It was four-thirty in the morning.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
She reeked... It was that simple. Not only did her pajamas smell horrible, but the odor seemed to cling to her skin as well.  
  
Elena yawned as she drove toward the Shin-Ra building, occasionally rubbing her bleary eyes, and thanking her lucky stars that there wasn't much traffic this early in the morning as she accidentally ran her third red light.  
  
She could shower at the gym, she told herself, and she always kept a clean set of clothes in her office, just in case... With Reno, one never knew what one might end up being cover in at some point during the day.  
  
It was going to be a long day. She was running on less than three hours of sleep, and she felt more tired now than she had when she'd gone to bed the night before. Elena glanced at her reflection in the rearview mirror and winced.  
  
'Dear Holy, I hope Tseng didn't come into work early toady... I can't let him see me like this...' she thought as she pulled into the parking garage.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
The tile floor was cold under her bare feet as she made her way to her office.  
  
'I'll just get my clothes, head for the showers, and hope like hell I don't run into anyone,' she told herself.  
  
"Mornin' Elena... Did we sleep well last night?"  
  
She turned around, even half-asleep able to recognized Reno's smug drawl.  
  
"You..." she replied, narrowing her eyes.  
  
"I'll take that as a 'no'," he grinned, then wrinkled his nose in disgust, "Whew... 'Lena, Babe... Ever hear of bathing?"  
  
"I hate you."  
  
"Hey, I warned ya... All you had to do was give Mr. Foo-Foo back..."  
  
"I don't have him, I don't have him, I DON'T HAVE HIM!" she screamed, her voice growing louder with each repetition.  
  
"Isn't it a bit early for this? And what *is* that smell?" a new voice asked.  
  
"Heh... That would be Elena..." said Reno, his grin widening even more as Tseng made an unexpected appearance... Things were going even better that he'd hoped. Elena flushed bright red as inherently violent vision of what she was going to do to Reno flashed before her eyes.  
  
"I... er... that is, sir... It's all *his* fault!" she managed, pointing at Reno, who stood a few feet off, giving Tseng his best "I'm innocent" look.  
  
"I don't even want to know..." Tseng said, shaking his head as he walked off.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
She'd picked the wrong guy to mess with, and Reno was going to get Mr. Foo-Foo back even if it killed her. He grinned wryly as he put the finishing touches on his latest torture device. She'd never see this one coming...  
  
He was interrupted by a knock on his door.  
  
"Yeah, come on in..." he called out, quickly stashing his project in a drawer. When no one entered, he stood up, cautious as always, expecting it to be Elena, most likely with some lame attempt at retaliation. He opened the door and saw no one. Reno was just about to return to his "work" when he noticed a small box on the floor outside. Raising a suspicious eyebrow, he picked it up and carried it inside. He set it down on his desk and lifted the lid, carefully watching for anything out of the ordinary...  
  
"Mr. Foo-Foo!" he sighed with relief, scooping the beloved toy out of the box and hugging it tight... until he remembered where he was. He quickly tucked the bunny away in his desk, where it would be safe until he could get it home.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
"I knew it wouldn't be long before you caved..."  
  
Elena glared at the irritating red-head who leaned against the doorframe of the entrance to her office. The day was almost over... hadn't she suffered enough? "What are you talking about now?" she muttered.  
  
"I know... I know... I'm the master... Ya know, it's a good thing you gave him back when you did, cuz my next little surprise was gonna be *ten times* worse than last night..." he said with a grin, ignoring Elena's confused look, "Anyway... no hard feelin's, eh?"  
  
And then he walked off, a cardboard box tucked under on arm.  
  
"No... Hard... FEELINGS?!" she cried in disbelief when he was gone, as she imagined her apartment smelling of rotting garbage for the next few weeks.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
"No... Hard... FEELINGS?!"  
  
A bald figure chuckled softly as the frustrated and confused cry reached his waiting ears.  
  
*~fin~* 


	7. Mr FooFoo's Day out

Taking Care of Reno 6: Mr. Foo-Foo's Day Out  
By Desha  
  
Author's note: Yes, that does say "Taking Care of Reno 6" up there... Yes, I know there's already a "Taking Care of Reno 6" in this series. Consider this an alternate plot for part six. (In other words, I misplaced the notebook I was writing this in originally, ended up starting over from scratch, and posted the second version of the story instead of this one.) That being said, enjoy, and to those who are waiting for me to update "Every Now and Then"... I'm getting there...  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
"You look like hell."  
  
He felt like hell, too, but decided against saying so. That was probably the longest sentence he'd hear from the man for the rest of the morning. Reno honestly couldn't remember being so tired in his life.  
  
"Yeah... I'm goin' for a new look... Like it?" he finally muttered in reply.  
  
"..."  
  
Reno let his head flop back and closed his eyes, determined to will himself to sleep, I only for just a few minutes. At just that moment, his attempt at a nap was foiled by an overwhelmingly cheerful and far-too-chipper-for-eight-in-the-morning voice.  
  
"Good morning!" Elena all but shouted to the other two Turks. Reno winced and sat up, glaring at her, "God, Reno... What happened to you? You look terrible..."  
  
"Thanks for noticing," he said, dryly, "For your information, I haven't been sleeping real well lately."  
  
"Yeah? How come?"  
  
He very nearly answered that question, but it seemed that for once the Fates were going to give him a break, as his half-awake mind caught up with his mouth just in time to stop him from uttering the name of a certain stuffed toy...  
  
"Don't really know," he answered. There was no way in hell he was going to let Rude find out about Mr. Foo-Foo... It was bad enough that Elena knew, the little blabbermouth. He was still living in constant fear that she'd blurt out what was probably his most humiliating secret in front of the others.  
  
"Don't really know what?"  
  
Reno gave a startled yelp at the sound of the new voice, and nearly fell off the arm of the overstuffed chair he was perched on. 'Man, I must really be out of it... Didn't ever hear him come in...' Reno thought to himself, as he swiveled to meet the gaze of the man who was suddenly standing directly behind him. Tseng raised an eyebrow, taking in Reno's - even more than usual - disheveled appearance. He was used to the younger man's seemingly natural sloppiness... but this morning, Reno looked like he'd gotten dressed - not to mention shaved, eaten, and been trampled by wild chocobos - in the dark.  
  
"He couldn't sleep last night," Elena offered, as Reno didn't seem intent upon answering any time within the next hour.  
  
"Or the night before last," Reno mumbled, "Or the night before that... or the night before that... or the night..."  
  
Tseng held up a hand, motioning for the Turk to stop. "Just how long have you been awake?" he asked. Reno thought for a long moment.  
  
"Uhhh... What day is it?" he asked at last.  
  
"Go home, Reno."  
  
"But..."  
  
"You're no good to anyone like this. Go home and get some rest. Consider it an order," said Tseng.  
  
"Yeah, yeah..." Reno muttered, hauling himself to his feet, and sluggishly dragging himself out the door.  
  
"Elena, would you mind..." Tseng began.  
  
"I'll make sure he gets home in one piece, sir," she said quickly, already having guess what he was about to ask. Tseng nodded and waved her off.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
"I'm not a child, Elena," Reno hissed through clenched teeth as she dutifully buckled him into the passenger seat.  
  
"Coulda fooled me..."  
  
Reno just glared at her as she walked around to the other side of the car and climbed in.  
  
"So come on... What's really going on?"  
  
"What? I just can't sleep, ok?! It's not a big deal!" he growled as they started toward his apartment.  
  
"Well, you've got to have some idea why."  
  
Reno was silent. He knew exactly why he couldn't sleep. And the worst part was, Elena was the only person he could tell without looking like a complete idiot... She already knew about Mr. Foo-Foo...  
  
"Ha! I knew it! You do know why!" she said after a moment, interpreting his silence for what it was... hesitation, "So? Spill, already!"  
  
"You are not to repeat one word of this to anyone..." he replied in a dangerous tone, "Not. One. Word."  
  
"I won't!"  
  
"Yeah... sure."  
  
"Really... You can tell me, Reno. I swear, no one else will ever know."  
  
Reno debated it for a moment, before finally relenting. He had to tell someone... it was driving him nuts.  
  
"Mr.FooFooismissing," he mumbled quickly, turning his gaze out the side window.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Mr. Foo-Foo is missing!" he cried sadly, wincing in disgust at just how pathetic he sounded. Elena very nearly ran a red light, stomping on breaks and squealing to a stop just in time, as the cross-traffic flew by.  
  
"And *that's* why you can't sleep?!" she asked incredulously. Reno felt his face flush slightly in embarrassment.  
  
"I've had him almost my entire life, ok? I've never had to sleep without him, and now that he's gone, I can't sleep at all!"  
  
"You've never had to sleep without him?" Elena replied, "What about on missions?... I mean you don't actually..."  
  
Reno shrank down as far as he could into the seat.  
  
"You... You bring him with you... Don't you?!" she said, doing her best to stifle the laughter that begged for release. Reno covered his eyes with one hand, as if trying to hide from the world.  
  
"Look... hee hee..." she continued, clearing her throat to cover up a giggle, "He's probably just buried under a pile of junk in your apartment. I'll help you look..."  
  
"You will?" Reno asked, looking up at her in surprise.  
  
"Sure... I mean, I know how much that thing means to you..."  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Ewwww! I never should have offered to help... Reno, how can you live like this?!"  
  
She was almost afraid to move beyond the threshold of the door. Elena wouldn't have thought it possible without actually seeing it with her own eyes... but Reno's apartment looked even worse than the last time she'd been there.  
  
"Cleaning hasn't exactly been my biggest priority lately... It just a little cluttered. That's all," Reno said with a shrug as he waded through the mess, "Just watch where you step."  
  
'No kidding,' she thought. The man was a pig. She slowly followed him inside, closing the door behind her. As she surveyed to room, she thanked the heavens that it didn't smell the way it looked... That in itself was no small miracle, given the various remnants of food and laundry that were scattered everywhere.  
  
"This is absolutely disgusting!" she cried, cautiously picking up what looked to be a half-eaten peanut butter and cheese sandwich, holding it gingerly between two fingers at arms length.  
  
"Hey, that's still good!" Reno replied as he snatched it from her hand and took a bite. Elena felt like gagging.  
  
"Reno..." she moaned, somewhat nauseated.  
  
"What?" he replied, mouth full of food. Elena shuddered and quickly changed the subject.  
  
"Let's just start in the bedroom..." she suggested, hoping that he at least kept that area relatively livable.  
  
Reno nodded and led the way... and Elena squealed as something skittered across her feet. She leapt onto a nearby chair, scanning the floor for whatever the creature was, only to find herself falling a moment later as the chair wobbled and then tipped. She closed her eyes, picturing herself face-planting into the filth that surrounded her. Instead, she landed awkwardly in Reno's waiting arms... Unfortunately, in his haste to catch her, he ended up throwing himself off-balance and sending them both to the floor. Reno end up flat on his back with Elena sprawled over his body.  
  
"You alright?" he asked.  
  
"Yeah... Thanks."  
  
"Heh... What? You could wait to get to the bedroom before throwing yourself at me?" Reno teased as Elena lifted herself up.  
  
"Shut up, Reno," she said, reddening slightly.  
  
"Hey, lighten up... You're the one who suddenly decided that you could fly, remember?" said Reno, indignantly.  
  
"There is *something* crawling around on the floor in here!" she replied, standing up and straightening her uniform.  
  
"Oh... Well, that's probably just Snuffy."  
  
"... Snuffy?" she asked, cocking an eyebrow and wondering what in the hell was a snuffy.  
  
"My new pet... Kid across the hall brought him home a couple weeks ago, but his mom wouldn't let him keep it... And before you ask, the kid named him... not me."  
  
"And... just what *is* Snuffy?" she asked, fearing the worst.  
  
"He's a ferret. Don't worry... He won't hurt ya... He's just..."  
  
"There's some creepy little rat-thing wandering around in here?!" Elena cried, cutting him off.  
  
"He's nothing like a rat!" Reno replied defensively, "Gimme a minute and I'll find him for ya so you can see for yourself."  
  
"Really, Reno... I don't want to see it... Let's just go find Mr. Foo-Foo so I can get out o f here," she said, inching herself away from the area Reno had started searching in, and leaning against the counter that separated the living room from the kitchen.  
  
"I thought all women loved cute little furry creatures..." he replied, stifling a yawn.  
  
"Not when they're..." she began, stopping abruptly as something climbed her jacket sleeve and perched on her shoulder. She turned her head slowly to look, and came face to face with two beady little eyes.  
  
"Not when they're what?" Reno asked, not bothering to look up.  
  
"Get... it... off of me."  
  
"Huh? Oh, hey... You found him!" said Reno, catching sight of a very statue-like Elena and the little ball of fur that was nosing through her hair, "Come're Snuffy."  
  
He picked up the ferret and set it on his own shoulder.  
  
"Ugh... You know... *normal* people hire exterminators to get rid of things like *that*..."  
  
"What? He's a great pet. He's quiet... He's friendly... Pretty much takes care of himself. Wanna pet him?"  
  
"NO!" Elena cried, jumping back a step or two, "No, I don't want to pet your rat! Let's go find Mr. Foo-Foo. Now."  
  
She turned before he could say anything else and trudged off to the bedroom, hoping that Snuffy was the last of the surprises Reno's apartment had to offer.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Alright," she said, surveying the room, "Where did you see him last?"  
  
"I left him on my bed, just like I always do... I'm sure of it. And when I came home from work, he was gone."  
  
"Well, a stuffed rabbit can't just walk off on its own. You must have... Reno, will you *please* get that thing away from me!" she cried, eyeing the little ferret in Reno's hands. He smirked and took his pet back into the other room.  
  
"Ok," she said when he returned, "The easiest way to do this would be to just clean up this mess a little..."  
  
"Thought you said you're never in a million years clean my apartment again..." he teased.  
  
"Keep it up, and you can just look for your precious little bunny by yourself!" Elena retorted.  
  
"Ok, ok... I'll shut up now..."  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
"This is ridiculous... It's got to be somewhere," said Elena. They'd been over the entire apartment with a fine-toothed comb. No bunny... though they had found a large stash of other missing items that had been ferreted away by a certain new pet...  
  
"Well, he's not," a disheartened Reno replied, "We've looked everywhere."  
  
Looking around at the now-orderly apartment, Elena had no choice but to agree. Reno sighed and sank down onto the couch.  
  
"Now what am I gonna do?" he lamented. A knock at the door interrupted the female Turk before she could reply.  
  
"Could you get that?" asked Reno. Elena silently complied, walking away from Reno and the rat-thing now curled on his lap. She opened the door, only to find the hall empty, and was about to step back inside when a large envelope on the floor caught her eye. "Reno" was printed across the front in bold type-written letters, and Elena quickly stooped down and retrieved it.  
  
"Who was it?" Reno asked listlessly.  
  
"No one... Someone just left this for you," she said, handing him the envelope. Reno tore it open and withdrew its contents. He eyes narrowed.  
  
"If this is your idea of a joke, I'm not laughing," he said, scowling at her.  
  
"W-what?" she stammered.  
  
"Real funny, Elena... Now give him back!"  
  
"What the hell are you talking about?!" she yelled back.  
  
"Reno shoved a large photograph into her hands.  
  
"And don't even try to deny that you took that! You're the only person I've *ever* told about Mr. Foo-Foo!"  
  
Elena looked down at the picture, and sure enough, there was the little stuffed bunny. He was gagged and tied to a section of train tracks, like the stereotypical movie heroine.  
  
"But I didn't... I swear!  
  
"Then who did, huh? Who'd you tell?!"  
  
"I didn't tell anyone! *You* probably let it slip to someone when you were drunk," she accused, tossing the picture back at him. It fluttered to the floor, landing face down, and for the first time, they notice the writing on the back.  
  
"Dear Reno... Save me! Love, Mr. Foo-Foo..." Reno read, "Oh, that is just so wrong..."  
  
"You know," said Elena, picking the photo back up, "This looks like the Sector One Station... Maybe whoever left this wants you to go there."  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Whoever is doing this, is going to pay..." Reno seethed despite his growing fatigue. Their visit to the station had yielded no bunny-shaped toys, but they *had* found a second photo. This one depicted the small toy tied spread-eagle to a bed and blindfolded. The back contained the same message as the first.  
  
"That room looks familiar," said Elena studying the picture.  
  
"It should..." Reno replied, pointing to a small mark on the grimy-looking wall next to the window. Elena squinted, trying to make it out.  
  
"What is that?" she asked.  
  
"That's the bullet hole you shot in the wall... Remember?"  
  
She blinked, not understanding for a moment. Suddenly, it clicked...  
  
"The Sordid Rose?" she asked. Reno nodded. Memories of the little mind game they've played with Tseng and Rude came back to her, "Do you think they're behind this?"  
  
"Dunno... I know *I* never said anything about Mr. Foo-Foo to either of them... But then, who else would know about that room? So either you told them..." he said, narrowing his eyes at her, "... or they found out some other way."  
  
"Or maybe its not them at all and someone else knows..."  
  
"Yeah?" Reno asked suspiciously, "Like who?"  
  
"I didn't tell anyone!" she screamed at him, drawing stares from the citizens of Midgar who were waiting for their trains.  
  
"Whoa... Alright, alright... Chill," Reno replied, cringing, "Looks like our next stop is the Sordid Rose Inn."  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
Another picture... This one had the poor, innocent Mr. Foo-Foo lying on a metal table, hooked up to all kinds of strange machinery. It wasn't hard to figure out where the picture had been taken.  
  
"Hojo's lab..." they said simultaneously.  
  
"Well, now we know for sure... Not too many people have access to those labs. It's got to be either Rude of Tseng!"  
  
"Or both," Reno added. Elena nodded, and the headed to their next destination.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Careful we don't run into Tseng... If he's not in on this, he'll send me home again. I'm supposed to be resting, after all," Reno said.  
  
"Can we just hurry up... I don't want to be in those labs a second longer than I have to be."  
  
"Same here."  
  
They crept silently past two lab technicians who seemed to be setting up some sort of experiment. The two Turks ignore the whimpers of the caged specimens lined up on a counter.  
  
"I think it's this way," Reno whispered, leading the other Turk into the next room. And sure enough, another photograph lay on the cold metal table.  
  
"R-Reno... That's..."  
  
"President Shin-Ra's office," Reno confirmed, staring at the picture. More than that, Mr. Foo-Foo was sitting at the president's own desk, the phone receiver in his hand. On the back of the photo was scrawled "A call for help".  
  
"We can't just walk in there and ask if someone left a picture of a toy rabbit on his desk..." she said.  
  
"I'm aware of that."  
  
"Maybe we should just forget about it. For God's sake, Reno... It's just a toy!" she reasoned. Reno glared at her.  
  
"He's not 'just a toy'... But if you don't wanna help anymore, then you don't have to. I'll get him back myself." Reno replied as he headed for the elevator.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
"I'll distract his secretary... You sneak into the office and look for another picture," said Reno, staring into the mirrored wall of the elevator, and attempting to make himself a little more presentable.  
  
"Why can't *I* keep the secretary busy while you look for the picture?" Elena asked, at the same time trying to remember what she'd been thinking when she'd decided to follow Reno and come along on this suicide mission.  
  
"'Cuz I know her... She's used to me comin' up here to hit on her," Reno replied with a tired grin. Elena rolled her eyes. Reno brushed some of the hair out of his eyes and attempted to straighten his clothes.  
  
"What do you think?" he asked, posing for her.  
  
"I think you're gonna get me fired..."  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
She crept silently up the carpeted staircase, leaving Reno behind with the young woman at the desk.  
  
'Why the hell am I doing this?' she wondered as she reached the heavy mahogany doors that opened into the presidential office. She eased one open, mentally willing it not to creak, and sighing softly in relief when it didn't.  
  
The office was empty... so far, so good. She just hoped her luck held out. She hurried to the desk, and began to sift through the papers on top of it.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
"So? What do you say?" he asked with a mischievous grin. The young woman blushed.  
  
"Reno... You know I'm married," she giggled.  
  
"Doesn't bother me..." he shrugged and sat on the corner of her desk.  
  
"Oh, you..." she chided and made a half-hearted attempt to get back to work. Reno's grin widened, and he stretched out across the desk, propped up on one elbow, effectively blocking her from her papers.  
  
"Aw, come on, Rissa... You're gonna ruin my reputation around here... You wouldn't want that on your conscience, now would you?" he asked, giving her his best pout and toying with a lock of her curly strawberry-blond hair. She giggled again.  
  
"Don't you have work you should be doing?" a very cross voice interrupted.  
  
'Oh shit...' Reno thought.  
  
"Yes, sir... Sorry, President Shin-Ra, sir... I'll get right to it, sir," the young lady quickly responded, shoving Reno's elbow out of her way, and nearly knocking him off of her desk altogether.  
  
"And you," he said, staring Reno down, "Isn't there someone that needs to be killed... or something?"  
  
"I'm sure I can find someone, sir..." Reno drawled. The president snorted in contempt and headed for his office.  
  
"Hold my calls," he muttered as he ascended the stairs.  
  
'If Elena survives this... She's gonna kill me...' Reno thought.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Ah ha!" she cried triumphantly, at last discovering the plain manila envelope under a stack of papers. She opened it to make she it was indeed what she'd come for...  
  
The doorknob rattled as it turned, and Elena froze.  
  
"Oh no..."  
  
There was nowhere to really hide. She could try to make a run for the door that led to the balcony, but as the heavy wooden doors swung open, she knew she'd never make it without being seen... So, she did the only thing she could think of... Elena scrambled under the desk.   
  
It was probably the worst place she could possibly be in... especially if she got caught... but there wasn't much choice. Footsteps approached the desk and suddenly the chair was pulled back. A moment later, she was much closer to the president than she'd ever wanted to be.  
  
'If I survive this... I'm going to kill Reno...' she thought.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
He wished he knew what was going on in that office... Thus far, he hadn't heard any enraged shouting or shrieks of terror. But then, by now, he'd had to retreat back to the elevator... he probably wouldn't be able to hear anything from that office.  
  
'I better come up with some way to get her out of there,' he thought to himself, '... otherwise she'll have my head for this...'  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
'One hundred ways to kill Reno,' she thought, as she shifted out of the way of the president's foot for the fourth time, 'Number one, drop him in a mako reactor... Number two, feed him to the Midgar Zolem... Number three, tie him up and hand him over to Hojo...'  
  
He didn't even have the decency to try and get her out of the mess he'd gotten her into. He'd probably set the whole thing up, pictures and all!  
  
Her muscles her beginning to ache from holding herself pressed to the underside of the desk... and just when she thought things couldn't possibly get any worse...  
  
President Shin-Ra stretched out a bit, forcing Elena to move again in order to avoid being detected. Then he proceeded to nudge his expensive shoes off. The choking odor of sweat and old socks filled her hiding place, making her eyes water.  
  
'Number four, gag him with the president's socks...'  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
'Sorry about this, Rissa,' he silently apologized, taking a drag from the cigarette he'd just lit up... despite the very noticeable "No Smoking" sign hanging on the wall right in front of him.  
  
He raised the cigarette above his head, letting the smoke waft up toward the sensor on the ceiling. A moment later, a loud beeping filled the air, and one by one, the fire sprinkler all over the sixty-ninth floor went off. The secretary squeaked in surprise as she, her desk, and the memo she'd been typing were completely drenched. The sudden downpour caught Reno as well, but he'd have to worry later about finding dry clothes.  
  
"What is going on out here?!" the president's voice bellowed from one of the flights of stairs that led to his office. The sprinklers finally shut off.  
  
"Something set off the fire system, sir," his secretary replied, pulling wet locks of hair away from her eyes. While the two of them were trying to figure out what had happened, Reno crept up the second flight of stairs.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
'Number forty-two, um.... Electro-rod enema.'  
  
Suddenly there came the annoying tones of the fire alarm, and then a scream... and then Elena found herself with a good deal more space in her hiding place as the president abruptly stood up and headed out the door to investigate.  
  
Elena crawled out into the open as soon as she was sure he was gone, gladly leaving the cramped quarters she'd spent the last thirty minutes or so in. She ran for the door, hoping that whatever was going on out there would keep the man busy for awhile.  
  
Just as she reached for the doorknob, it began to turn on its own. Elena backed up a step, not knowing where to go. At the last moment, she dove behind the opening door... and ended up sandwiched tightly between it and the wall when the door was flung wide open.  
  
"Elena, let's go!" Reno called in a hushed voice, "... Elena?"  
  
"I hate you, Reno."  
  
"Hate me later," he replied, letting her out from behind the door, "We gotta get out of here."  
  
Elena nodded and followed him down the stairs to the elevator.  
  
"Reno... Stop dripping on me!" she yelled at the soggy Turk on they were safely on their way down.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Rude... I knew it was all his doing!" Reno grumbled, shoving the new photo back at Elena, as the elevator descended. The bunny sat on a sofa in the Turks' private lounge. A hand held a gun to its plush little head... a very familiar hand.  
  
"He has got on sick sense of humor," Reno continued.  
  
"Hey, Reno? It's that's Rude's hand holding the gun, then who took the picture?" Elena asked, not-so-subtly pointing out the obvious.  
  
"... I knew it was all *their* doing!" Reno amended.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
"As soon as I get Mr. Foo-Foo back, I'm going to bed... And when I wake up, I'm going to get them both for this," Reno said, yawning. Now that the excitement of their escape had died down, he was once again feeling the fatigue caused by multiple sleepless nights, "I don't know how yet, but I *will* make them pay..."  
  
They made their way toward the Turk lounge, Reno leaving a trail of water everywhere he went, and Elena doing her best to ignore the looks they received from anyone they happened to come upon.  
  
"Wait..." she said, just as Reno's fingers wrapped around the doorknob.  
  
"Now what?" he whined irritably.  
  
"Well, they're expecting up..." Elena pointed out.  
  
"Dammit... You're right. They've probably got some big finale to this little game of theirs," the wet and sleepy Turk muttered. He thought for a moment, but then turned back to the door, "... Ah, the hell with it. I'm too tired to care."  
  
With that, he flung the door open with a loud bang.  
  
"Give him back or die a slow, painful death!" he declared, eyes falling upon the sole occupant of the room. Something smacked into his chest with bruising force, splattering him with a splash of green, "Ow! What the..."  
  
Another projectile hit his shoulder, and then followed a full-out barrage as Rude unloaded round after round of paintballs on the unarmed Turk. Behind him, Elena squealed, and he caught a brief glimpse of her purple-streaked figure as she dove for cover. Tseng emerged from his hiding place down the hall, and began pelting both victims with purple. Reno had nowhere to run, and he knew it. The "non-lethal" ammunition struck again and again, and for lack of a better option, Reno hit the floor.  
  
"Alright, Rude. I think they've had enough," the Turk leader called out. He strode over to Reno's prone form.  
  
"Can I just have him back now?" Reno groaned.  
  
"I'll take that as a surrender," Tseng replied. He chuckled and stepped over Reno's body, into the lounge. Elena was huddled behind an armchair in the corner, having been ignored during the latter part of the attack, but still cover quite thoroughly in purple and green paint. Reno's multi-colored form followed Tseng into the room a moment later.  
  
"I hope you're happy..." the red-head muttered, "I'm gonna be nothing but one giant bruise tomorrow... Those things hurt!" He peeled off the paint-soaked jacket, doing his best to wipe the worst of the paint off of his hands and face.  
  
Tseng reached under the cushions of the sofa and produced the requested bunny. Reno immediately snatched the toy and collapsed onto the couch in relief.  
  
"Elena... You can come out now," said Tseng.  
  
"Y-yes, sir," she replied, slowly emerging from her impromptu shelter.  
  
"Sir... How did you find out about Mr. Foo-Foo?" she asked, "I know I never said anything..."  
  
"I have my ways," Tseng stated. His eyes imperceptibly glance toward Rude for a second. "I trust that I've made my point and the two of you see just childish the two of you have been acting?" he continued.  
  
"Yes, sir," Elena repeated.  
  
"Reno?" he questioned, awaiting the younger man's admission of defeat. When he received no reply, Tseng turned back toward the couch, half-expecting to see Reno ready to continue the paintball war as a matter of honor, now that his precious Mr. Foo-Foo was safe. Instead, the red-haired Turk was curled up at one end of the couch, hands clamped tightly around the bunny, fast asleep, a rare look of peace and utter contentment settling over his features. Tseng shook his head.  
  
'Well... I suppose I did order him to get some rest,' he thought.  
  
*~fin~* 


	8. The Island Closest to Heaven and Hell

Taking Care of Reno by Desha

Chapter 8: The Island Closest to Heaven and Hell

----------

Author's Note: Yes, I'm reviving my most popular series once again. Now that I've FINALLY finished Every Now and Then, and it is no longer haunting my every waking moment, I've decided that Taking Care of Reno needs to continue. So, enjoy! Please note that this makes several references to the previous stories in the series, so if you haven't read those yet, now would be a good time to do so. To those of you hoping for Elena X Reno romance... sorry, but they're just friends, and unless something changes drastically in my view of the characters, they'll stay that way. But this addition will definitely bring them a lot closer. As friends. Just as friends. :lol:

----------

"Elena... Would you mind explaining to me just why you are standing in my office, looking like that?" Tseng asked, keeping his voice even, his face neutral, despite the extrordinarily comical sight that stood before him.

"They... They won't come off, sir..." the woman replied. Her cheeks flushed bright red in embarassment as she motioned to the multi-colored feathers that someone had affixed to her face and arms. Tseng stood and slowly circled his newest Turk, absently wondering just what sort of adhesive Reno'd used to get them to stay on so well...

"I see," Tseng deadpanned, "This wouldn't, by chance, have anything to do with Reno's new-found aversion to toast, would it?"

Tseng was still trying to figure that one out... Reno refused to discuss it. But he was certain it had something to do with the continuing feud between the two.

"Yes, sir... I think it's possible that the two incidents might be related, sir..." Elena responded, staring straight ahead at the wall behind Tseng's desk.

"Indeed..."

He'd gone all out this time, Reno had. She's awoken groggy and disoriented this morning... and when she looked in the mirror, she'd instantly known why. She'd been drugged... That was the only possible way he could have...

"This has gone, I think, a step too far, Elena."

She was certain she went a shade or two paler at those words. Was she being suspended? Or worse, dismissed altogether?

"S-sir?" she queried, uncertainly.

"The two of you are turning the name 'Turk' into the company joke," the Wutaian Turk said, gravely.

"Y-yes, sir..." she replied, swallowing the lump in her throat.

'Oh gods... He really is going to fire me...' she thought in horror.

"I really expected better of you, Elena..." Tseng continued, circling her again... and so she didn't see the smirk that flickered briefly across his face.

"I... I'm sorry, sir," she said with an audible tremor in her voice.

"As you should be. I'm afraid, Elena, that this merits severe punishment," he said calmly, "For both you and Reno."

He took a seat at his desk.

"To begin with, you're both suspended for one week... without pay."

That, of course, might work on Elena, but it would hardly deter Reno from such behavior in the future. Though, he noted, somewhat amused, Elena actually looked rather relieved. Probably she had expected much worse. Well, Tseng certainly didn't want to disappoint her...

"Furthermore, during that week, you and Reno are going to be spending some... ah... quality time together," he added, and it took a supreme effort of control on his part not to laugh sadistically at the expression of horror now etched on Elena's face.

"Q-quality time, sir?" she squeaked.

"I'll fill you both in on the details once I've finalized the arrangements."

That was clearly the final word on the matter, and Elena silently left Tseng's office, closing the door behind her as quietly as she could, as if making too much noise might further anger the man.

"That's right! See the amazing chocobo woman, only five gil!" a voice suddenly shouted. Elena's eyes widened in horror as she entered the hallway. A crowd had gathered, and she was not even remotely surprised to see Reno in the middle of it all.

"Yes, just a mere five gil for a look at this hideous freak of nature! Ahh, there she is now! Careful... Don't get too close! She's a very dangerous creature!" Reno continued, speaking like some deranged carnival side-show barker.

"Reno!" she screamed, furious, and lunged for the redhead, clawing her way through the raciously laughing crowd. But Reno's lithe little body easily slipped away from her amidst the gaffawing spectators, and once he was clear of them, he broke into a run. Elena cleared a path for herself and sprinted toward him, looking like some kind of giant, enraged chicken, but Reno was already in the elevator car at the end of the hall. By the time she made it that far, the doors had slid closed, and he was safely out of her reach.

----------

The message Tseng had left on her voice mail had instructed her to pack light but pack well... specifing that if it couldn't fit in a backpack, she was to leave it behind. He had given no further details other than a planned time and location for her departure. Elena groaned, thinking of the implications of his instructions, as she carefully packed several sets of clothing and various other necessities into her bag.

"Thanks a lot, Reno," she growled to herself. This was all his fault. Her toast assault had been a work of genious... more so, given that even Tseng hadn't figured exactly what she'd done to Reno... and she certainly wasn't about to reveal the secret to anyone... it was just too good. It had gone off without a hitch, and almost no one was the wiser. But Reno... the little troll... He had to go for public humiliation. If he'd just done something more subtle to get back at her, they wouldn't be in this mess. But no...

Her pack was filling up quickly, she realized, as she tried to shove her hair dryer into it.

She thought about it for a moment. Tseng had said she'd be spending quality time with Reno. Was a hair dryer really something that would help her survive that? In a pinch, she supposed she could beat him with it... With a sigh, she tossed it onto her bed, and in it's place tucked her spare sidearm into the bag. After all, one never knew when a backup weapon might be needed. Her main weapon, of course, was holstered in it's usual place, beneath her jacket.

Satisfied that she was packed sensibly for whatever Tseng was going to throw at her, Elena decided that a few small luxuries could still fit. She retrieved a package of cookies from the kitchen, and also stowed her MP3 player and some spare batteries in the pack. Now all that was left to do was await the pre-arranged departure time.

----------

"Reno... I thought I told you to pack for a week-long trip... not a party..." Tseng noted. The contents of Reno's pack looked like he'd just cleaned out a convenience store of their entire inventory.

"I did, Boss," Reno said, grinning at him, as he tapped his electro-mag rod on his shoulder, "Got all the necessities... Chips, beer, candy bars, beer, smokes... beer..."

Tseng fought the urge to smack himself in the forehead.

"Your funeral..." he sighed. A helicopter was standing by to airlift the misbehaving Turks to their punishment.

"So what'cha got in store for us, anyway?" Reno asked, "One of those sensativity seminars or some new age crap like that?"

"Not exactly..." Tseng smirked. Reno was about to question him farther, but Elena arrived at that moment, looking glumly at the two men.

"Ready to go, sir," she said to Tseng.

"Good... Let's be off then, shall we?" Tseng said, just a little too cheerfully.

They boarded the helicopter, and soon they were heading east, hugging the coastline for a long while before swinging north out over the open ocean. Elena gazed down at the water as it reflected the warm afternoon sunshine. It really was a beautiful sight, and for awhile, it took her mind off whatever it was Tseng had in mind for her and Reno. The aforementioned Turk, on the other hand was passed out, his forehead leaning against the plexiglass window, arms folded across his chest.

Elena shook her head. How he could sleep with all the noise generated by the helicopter was beyond her. She momentarily toyed with the idea of waking him, just because it would annoy him. Tseng was in front with the pilot... he'd never know. But she decided against it... if she woke him up, she'd have to put up with him for the remainder of the flight, and who knew how long that would be.

'Dear Holy... A whole week, stuck with Reno...' she thought miserably to herself.

----------

The helicopter set down with a thump that jarred Elena from the light doze she'd somehow managed to fall into. She blinked and rubbed her eyes, gazing out the window with a yawn. They had set down on a wide expanse of beach.

"Hey... this 'punishment' might not be so bad after all," Reno commented upon seeing his surroundings.

"Alright, you two... out," Tseng ordered, and Elena, grabbing hold of her backpack, moved quickly to disembark. Reno, on the other hand, took his time. Tseng stood calmly as Reno sauntered over to join him and Elena. Behind him was a small mound, covered by bright blue tarp that had been anchored into the sand. Tseng reached out and pulled the tarp away, and Elena cringed at what it revealed.

Two sleeping bags, tightly rolled and secured... some rope... a pair of canteens... two small bags that could be slung over a shoulder... and one last thing...

"Uh... s-sir?" said Elena, hesitantly.

"Yes, Elena?"

"T-there's only one tent... sir..."

"I'm aware of that," Tseng replied.

"Ah, come on, Tseng... You can't be serious," Reno moaned.

"When I said 'quality time', I meant it," Tseng said, "Now then... The pair of you have one week to get from this beach to the opposite side of the island, where you will rendezvous with your ride home. There's a map in one of those bags marking the trail you're to take. You are to follow the trail exactly. There will be global positioning markers for you to activate along the way. If you try to cheat and skip a marker or markers..." At this point Tseng looked directly at Reno before continuing, "... you will not like the consequences, I assure you."

"Is it too late to promise to be good?" Reno sighed.

"Far too late, Reno..." Tseng replied, looking uncharacteristically smug, "Have fun..."

With that, he slid back into the helicopter and ordered it into the air, stranding the other two Turks on the beach.

"Well, this is just great," Elena growled as she watched the helicopter vanish into the horizon, "Thanks a lot Reno... This is all your fault, you know!"

"My fault!" Reno yelled, "How is any of this my fault!"

"If you would just act your age once in a while..." she began.

"If you'd just pull that stick out of your ass..." Reno cut her off.

"How dare you!" Elena shouted before he could finish that sentance.

"What? Can't take a little constructive criticism?" he countered.

"Oh like anything you have to say is 'constructive'," she growled back.

"Now, now, Elena..." Reno said, wagging a finger at her, "Remember who the superior officier is here..."

"Higher ranking doesn't necessarily imply superiority," she retorted, turning her back on him and crossing her arms huffily.

"Ouch... That stung..." Reno said in a mock-hurt voice. He set down his backpack and wandered over to the supplies Tseng had left for them. Picking up one of the sleeping bags, he threw it hard at Elena, shouting, "Here!"

She turned, and it smacked her in the face, catching her by complete surprise, and knocking her over.

"RENO!"

She snatched up the sleeping bag, stomped over to the laughing Turk, and swung it hard at his head. Reno saw it coming, though, and ducked, laughing even harder as Elena's momentum spun her in a circle.

"Arrrgh!" she screamed in frustration.

"Aw, chill out, 'Lena..." Reno drawled, "All we gotta do to make Tsengy-kins happy is follow the map, and avoid killing one another for a week. Tell ya what... I'll call a truce if you will. Deal?"

He held his hand out. After a moment's hesitation, Elena shook it.

"Deal," she replied, grudgingly.

"Great... so now that that's settled, where the hell's that map? Might as well get moving..."

They rumaged through the two bags, finding food, a first aid kit, matches, a flashlight, a compass, and, nestled at the bottom, the map. Elena unfolded it.

"Ok..." she said, pointing at the southernmost part of the map, "Right now, we're here. And we need to get here..."

Her finger trailed up to a second beach almost directly opposite their current location.

"Ugh... Tseng's didn't wanna make this easy on us, did he?" said Reno, "Look at the trail he's got marked out!"

The trail wound all around the island, never crossing itself, but backtracking serveral times, leading over streams and cliffs, through the densely forested interior of the island... all in all, it looked as through Tseng had created the most hellacious path he could manage. Every seven inches or so, the map showed a bright blue dot on the trail... Elena assumed they were the GPS markers that she and Reno were supposed to activate. There were twelve in total.

----------

"Ow! Reno... Slow down!" Elena called, "Ow! Stupid rocks..."

She balanced on one foot and yanked her shoe off, shaking out the pebble that had been driving her nuts for the last five minutes. Reno had disappeared among the trees by the time she got it back on her foot.

"Reno!" she yelled again.

"Hurry the hell up, Elena," Reno yelled back.

"Asshole," she muttered as she set off again in the direction of his voice. When she eventually caught up to him, he was leaning against a tree, looking annoyed.

"Keep up, will ya? Ya keep falling behind like that and it'll take us a month to get out of here instead of a week."

"I was keeping up just fine until I got a rock in my shoe! Would it have killed you to wait two seconds while I got rid of it!"

Reno rolled his eyes, and set off again, ignoring her. Well if he was going to ignore her, then she was just gonna do the same right back. Elena glared at Reno's back as she fell into step behind him. They continued on in silence for a little while, and eventually, Elena's anger at her fellow Turk began to gradually abate.

'So much for a truce,' she thought to herself. They hadn't gone more than an hour without getting into an arguement over some stupid thing or another. By now, the sun was starting to set, and they hadn't covered anywhere near the amount of ground they had planned on for the first day of their 'punishment'. She sighed... it was going to be a very long week...

"Hey... Reno?"

"What?" he snapped at her. Apparently he hadn't cooled off as much as she had.

"Geez... I was just gonna say that maybe we'd better find a spot to camp for the night. It... It's gonna be getting dark pretty soon," she replied, hoping that if she appealed to his sense of reason, they could avoid another fight. Reno sighed.

"Yeah... I s'pose you're right," he said. He stopped and pulled out the map, "Looks like there's a decent spot not too far ahead of us."

Elena nodded, and they moved on. As it turned out, Reno was right... less than ten minutes later, they found themselves in a clearing. Elena dropped her pack at the base of a tree. Reno did the same, stetching as the burden was removed from his shoulders at last.

"Oh man, my back is killin' me," he muttered, "You get to carry the tent tomorrow... uh... You know how to put it up, right?"

Elena smirked at him.

"Why? Don't you?" she goaded.

"Hell no..." Reno replied, digging through his bag, and coming up with a pack of cigarettes. He pulled one out and stuck it between his lips, fishing around in his pocket for his lighter, "I'm a city boy, born and bred..."

He lit the cigarette, and took a long drag from it, and leaned back against a tree, closing his eyes.

"You mean to tell me you've never been camping before?" Elena asked. Not that she was exactly the outdoorsy type herself... but she'd been on her share of campouts. Her father had taken her and her brothers camping and fishing every summer when she was a little girl.

"Me? Come on, 'Lena..." Reno replied, snickering, "Do I seriously look like the kind of guy who's into camping on the weekends."

"Not even when you were little?"

Reno raised an eyebrow at her.

"'Lena, unlike some people on this island, I grew up in the slums..." he replied, pulling in another lungful of smoke, "I had more important things to do when I was a kid. Like not starvin'."

"... Oh," Elena said. She hadn't really thought about that, and she certainly hadn't meant to bring up any bad memories... especially since the two of them finally seemed to be on civil terms again, "Err... sorry."

"Tch... Ancient history. Don't worry 'bout it," said Reno, waving a hand dismissively, "So... about that tent..."

"Oh right!" Elena cried, snapping out of her reverie, "I'll set it up."

It had been a long time, but she managed it without too much trouble. She caught Reno watching her a couple of times, out of the corner of her eye, though he did his best to look completely uninterested as soon as he was noticed. By then, the sun had nearly set. There wasn't much light left at all.

"You hungry?" Reno asked. He was going through one of the bags Tseng had packed for them.

"Definitely," Elena replied. Hungry was an understatement. She was half starved.

"Looks like we got a bunch of sandwiches to start us off," Reno said, "Might as well eat 'em now. They won't last long out here."

He tossed one to Elena, and she quickly unwrapped it and devoured half of it immediately. Reno settled himself down beside her, pulling the cellophane off of his as well.

"Easy," he smirked, "You'll make yourself sick."

"Mmmph mmm mph uph," Elena retorted, her mouth full.

"Sorry... could you repeat that? I seem to have forgotten my pig to English dictionary..." he laughed. Elena glared at him, and took a swig from her canteen.

"I said, 'Shut the hell up'. Besides... you eat like a pig all the time and it never makes you sick..."

"Yeah, well, that just means I'm conditioned to it," Reno said, cramming half a sandwich into his mouth. Elena rolled her eyes and reached for a second sandwich...

----------

"Oooh..."

"Told ya so," Reno's voice said from the darkness.

"Shut up, Reno..." Elena responded. Her stomach ached. And the worse part about it was that Reno had warned her, and now that smug son of a bitch was gonna rub it in. She really hoped that she'd just fall asleep... preferably sooner, rather than later.

"And you'd better not puke on me," he added.

"Seriously, shut up," she moaned, pulling her sleeping bag tight around her.

"I mean, come on..." Reno continued, "As far as we hiked today? You'd think that your Turk training would have taught you that high impact cardio and binge eating don't mix..."

"Reno, I mean it..." Elena said as she sat up in the darkness of the tent, intent at yelling at him... but as she did so, a wave of nausea hit her hard, "Ohhh..."

She clapped a hand over her mouth, and lunged for the tent's doorway, practically throwing herself through it.

"'Lena?" Reno called. The only answer he received was the sound of retching from somewhere outside.

"Tch... told ya so," he said again, and then lay back down, drifting off to sleep before Elena even returned to her sleeping bag.

----------

The next morning, Elena awoke feeling moderately better... though her stomach still felt sour, and she had a truly awful taste in her mouth.

"Mornin'," Reno's voice drawled. He was perched on a fallen log, a candy bar in one hand, and a cigarette in the other.

"Nice breakfast," Elena muttered. Reno shrugged.

"Ready to head out?" he asked around a mouthful of caramel and nougat, "Or you want something to eat first."

"Ugh... Don't even mention food..."

"You oughta eat something, ya know," Reno prodded.

"Reno, are you trying to make me sick again?" she snapped at him.

"No, I'm tryin' to make sure you're not gonna pass out from hunger later this afternoon," he replied lazily, "Bad enough I gotta lug all this stuff along... I am not carrying you, too."

"Fine!" she growled, and dug a granola bar out of one of the bags. She took a tentative bite of it and swallowed. At least it stayed down. She forced herself to finish it off... slowly. Reno was rolling up the sleeping bags, getting ready to sent off again.

----------

Hours later, they found themselves lost.

"I'm telling you it's this way," Elena insisted.

"I know how to read a fucking map, Elena," Reno replied. They'd made good time for awhile. The trail was straightforward and easy going. They'd found and activated two of their markers, and both of them had previously been in an exceptionally good mood... until they'd somehow wandered off the trail.

"I know how to read a fucking map, Elena," the female Turk mimicked, "Well, ya could've fooled me!"

"Fine! You wanna go that way, go that way!" Reno yelled, "I'm going this way!"

With that, he stormed off into the woods.

"R-Reno!" Elena called after him, not having expected to have been abandoned. He wouldn't really just leave her, would he? And without a map?

"Reno!"

When she got no answer, she really started to worry. He was going to leave her, the bastard!

"Reno! Wait for me!" she shouted, running after him. The trees were dense, and she couldn't see him anywhere. It was as if he'd just melted into the forest and vanished. He had to be able to hear her... he wasn't that far ahead. He was just being a jerk, and not answering her... letting her squirm.

Suddenly, there was a rustle in the bushes behind her. She turned, but as soon as she did so, the noise stopped, and everything went still.

"Reno?"

No answer.

"Real mature, Reno..." she muttered, and headed off in the direction of the rustling. Then she heard more rustling... back in the direction she'd just come from.

"Ha, ha, Reno... knock it off," she called out to him. The other Turk still didn't answer. Elena sighed and walked back to where she'd just been. Just as she reached the spot, more rustling, again from behind her. She spun around.

"Reno, come on... This isn't funny anymore!"

In fact, it was starting to freak her out a little bit. This was how every bad horror movie she'd ever seen started out.

"Kill, kill, kill... Die, die, die..." a voice whispered right next to her ear. Elena screamed, and spun around, half expecting to come face to face with a guy in a hockey mask. But the only thing she saw was one very amused Turk. Reno snickered and then broke out laughing hysterically.

"That... That was fucking priceless!" Reno managed to spit out.

"Reno, you asshole!" she yelled, punching him in the chest, "You scared me half to death!"

"Ow! Come on... it was a joke," Reno said.

"Do that again, and next time I'll shoot you!" Elena yelled. Reno smirked.

"Go for it... I'd love to see you explain that to Tseng..."

----------

As the sun was setting on their second day of punishment, Reno and Elena set up camp for the night. They'd managed to find one more of their markers before it had started getting too dark to go any farther. It had taken them almost two hours just to find their way back to the trail earlier, a detour that they'd have to make up for the next day. Elena sighed and poked the fire with a stick. Only two days, and already all she wanted to do was go home and have a nice long soak in her bathtub.

To make matters worse, for the latter half of the afternoon, the sky had taken on an ominous grey hue, as wave after wave of dark clouds began to block out the sun. She really hoped it wasn't going to rain... but she was fairly certain that she could already hear thunder rumbling in the distance, and the wind was picking up noticably.

"Yo, 'Lena..." Reno called, "Better get everything into the tent... Doesn't look like the weather's gonna be too pleasent tonight."

She nodded, and grabbed her pack, hastily tossing it inside, along with her other bag and her canteen. Reno carried his stuff over as well, just as the first few drops of rain began to spatter the ground.

"Uh oh..." he muttered.

Elena crawled inside, before the downpour could start, and Reno wasn't far behind, zipping the tent door shut behind him. The next thing she knew, their little tent was being pounded by rain, and lightning was lighting up the clearing all around them. Reno pulled his boots off and tossed them into a corner.

"Guess we're stuck in here 'til this stops," he said, stretching out on his sleeping bag.

"Looks that way," Elena agreed, making herself comfortable. A deafening crash of lightning split the air, making both Turks jump.

"Fucking A, that sounded close..." Reno muttered.

"Y-yeah, it did," Elena replied, nervously. She'd never been a big fan of storms... and being stuck out here with only a flimsy tent for cover was not exactly her idea of a good time. Reno didn't look too thrilled about it, either. More thunder sounded, and Elena hesitantly lay back down, pulling her sleeping bag close. After the third clap of thunder, Reno sat up and started rummaging through his pack.

"Reno? What are you looking for?" Elena asked, curious.

"Nothin'," Reno said firmly.

"Well you must be looking for something," Elena pointed out. Reno didn't answer... but apparently he had found whatever the object of his search was. Whatever it was, he didn't let her get a good look at it, and before she could maneuver into a better position, he'd tucked it into the folds his own sleeping bag.

"Reno?"

"Just try and go to sleep, Elena," he said. He was curled up on his side, his back to her. Lightning illuminated the tent, and thunder crashed.

"Sleep... yeah, right," Elena snorted, "Come on... what've you got?"

"Nothing!" Reno insisted.

"Fine... You don't wanna tell me? I'll just have to find out for myself!" She said, grinning maniacally, ready to extract a little payback for earlier in the day. Elena pounced on the male Turk, pinning him so that his own sleeping bag was working against him, holding his arms tight against his sides. Reno growled and tried to squirm away, but he'd been caught off-guard, and Elena now had the upper hand.

"What is it, Reno?" Elena demanded.

"Ahhh... get off me!" Reno grunted as Elena's knee can dangerously close to planting itself in a very sensative region of his anatomy. By then, she was wrestling the sleeping bag open, trying to get at whatever it was he was hiding. Her fingers closed around something soft, and she snatched it, stealing it away from the pinned Turk and rolling back to her own side of the tent.

"Give him back!" Reno yelled.

Elena clicked on her flashlight to get a better look at her prize... and burst out laughing.

"M-Mr. F-Foo-foo!" she cackled, staring at the little stuffed bunny.

"I said give him back!"

"I cannot believe you brought a stuffed animal camping!" Elena said, wiping away tears of mirth. Reno glared at her in the dim light. The storm was still raging outside.

"Just give him back, Elena," Reno sighed.

"Say please..." Elena smirked.

"... Please," Reno complied, barely audible above the thunder.

"Say 'Pretty please'..." Elena taunted him.

"Dammit, Elena!"

"Say it!"

"... Pretty please."

"Now say 'Elena, I'm sorry I'm such an asshole and I promise I'll be nice to you from now on'..."

"In your dreams..." Reno snorted.

"Fine... then I'm keeping him," Elena said with a shrug.

"'Lena..." Reno said, his tone suddenly serious, "Come on... seriously, give him back. Please? I'm asking ya nice, ok?"

Elena sighed and handed the bunny back. The look of sheer relief on Reno's face was so pronounced, she broke out laughing all over again.

"It's not funny!" Reno muttered, clutching the bunny against his chest.

"Reno what's the deal with the bunny, anyway? I mean, it's just a toy!"

"It's not just a toy," Reno growled, and buried himself and Mr. Foo-foo in the sleeping bag, turning his back on Elena once again.

"Reno?"

"Just fucking drop it!" Reno yelled, his voice muffled by the fabic of the sleeping bag. The anger in his voice caught Elena by surprise. For a moment, she just stared her fellow-Turk.

"Reno..." she tried again, lightly prodding him.

"Leave me the hell alone," he replied. He was definitly angry... and in retrospect, making fun of the bunny might not have been the kindest thing to do. She didn't know the whole story behind it, but she did know that the toy meant a lot to Reno, and she knew how that was. She'd had her share of treasured childhood possessions. They still had a full five days to go... and it was going to be a horrible five days if Reno spent the entire time deliberatly trying to make her life hell. Finally, Elena decided to swallow her pride and appologize before things came back to bite her in the ass. She sighed and moved a little closer to him, pulling the edge of the sleeping bag back, away from his face. Reno glared up at her, the occasionally flashes of lightning making him look even more ticked off.

"I'm sorry," she said, "That was uncalled for."

Reno blinked and peered up at her, clearly not expecting an appology.

"So... Forgive me?" she asked. He sighed and and turned his face to look her in the eye.

"Yeah, I s'pose," he said.

"So are you gonna tell me what the deal is with you and that thing, or what?" asked Elena.

"No," Reno replied.

"Why not?" Elena asked, genuinely curious now.

"'Cause it's personal, and I don't want to discuss it with you," Reno said in response, as he pulled the sleeping bag back up around him, "Now get some sleep. We still got five more days of this, ya know."

"D-does that mean you don't trust me enough to tell me?" she asked, sudden insight hitting her like a ton of bricks.

"Tch... go to sleep, 'Lena," was all the answer she received.

----------

The next morning dawned, a gloomy haze in the air. The sky was still overcast, as if more rain threatened at any moment. Elena had woken first and was fixing breakfast over the campfire. It had taken quite a bit of effort to get it going again after last night's downpour, but finally she had coaxed a meager little flame out of some of the wood that was not so saturated. She was using it to boil water to make oatmeal. Reno emerged from the tent around the time that it was ready, yawning. He had a can of beer in his hand. Elena stared at him.

"Isn't is a little early for that?" Elena asked.

"No such thing as too early... or too late, for that matter," he smirked, taking a long swig from the can, "Want one?"

"Uh... no," she said, and Reno shrugged, "Just out of curiosity, did you bring anything useful with you?"

"Of course..." Reno said.

"Yeah? Like what?"

Reno raised the can and shook it lightly in front of her face.

"I'd hardly call that 'useful'," Elena groaned.

"Not my fault you don't share my priorities..." he said, grinning at her.

'Well,' thought Elena, 'At least he's in a better mood this morning.'

She half-wanted to continue the conversation that Reno had so abruptly terminated the night before... but somehow, she didn't think the man's good mood would last very long if she brought up a certain stuffed bunny again. Reno snagged a bowl from Elena and scooped half of the gooey oatmeal from the pot, downing it.

"Geez, Reno... do you even taste your food?" she asked, opting for a more neutral topic of conversation and blowing softly on a spoonful of her own breakfast.

"I'm more concerned with quantity than quality," said Reno, "'Sides... I'm starved."

"How can you be!" she asked in disbelief, "You ate your dinner last night, went back for seconds, and then ate at least a third of mine!"

"High metabolism," he said with a shrug, and then glanced at her half-empty bowl, "You gonna finish that?"

"Yes, I'm gonna finish it..." she said, gripping her bowl protectivly. Reno snickered.

"I was kidding, 'Lena..."

----------

"Hey Reno! I think I see it!" Elena called. She had taken the lead today, Reno bringing up the rear. Their next marker was in sight. That would make four in total... a third of the way done. Reno hurried to join her.

"'Bout time... I was starting to wonder if we'd gone off the trail again," he commented.

"Well, thanks for the vote of confidence," Elena replied, "Tell me again... who got us lost yesterday, hmm?"

"Do you have to take everything I say as an insult?" Reno asked, somewhat bemused.

"It's hard not to, when nearly everything you say to me is an insult," she countered.

"No it's not... you're just too insecure to see the difference between an insult and constructive criticism."

"Oh, so now I'm insecure!"

"There! You see what I mean? All I did was point out that you take things too personally sometimes, and you snap on me."

"You did not! You called me insecure!"

"Only because you are..."

Elena glared at him, and stomped off down the trail to the GPS marker, leaving him behind. She flipped up the panel on the top and pressed the button to activate it, slamming it down again as the LED indicator light began flashing.

"And you've got a short temper, too..." Reno added with a grin as he caught up to her. Elena stormed off down the trail a second time.

"Not to mention a tendancy to avoid confrontation with authority!" Reno called after her. Elena froze in her tracks.

"Uh oh..." Reno muttered to himself, "That may have been over the line..."

The female Turk turned on her heel, and strode back over to him.

"I'll show you a 'tendancy to avoid confrontation with authority'," she hissed, and slapped him across the face.

"Ow!" Reno yelled, rubbing his cheek, "Ok, ok... I'll admit, I had that one coming..."

----------

Two more markers were activated by the time they'd reached their next campsite. They still had a few hours of light left, but the trail ahead was going to be rougher than it had been up until now, and both Turks were tired. Not to mention the fact that the rain that had been threatening all day was beginning to fall in a cold drizzle. By the time Elena had the tent unrolled and was assembling the poles, her clothes were already well past damp.

"You could help, you know!" she yelled at Reno, who was watching her from under the cover of a tree, "... And didn't anyone ever tell you not to stand under a tree during a storm?"

"We're in a forest, 'Lena... anywhere I stand I'm gonna be under a tree," Reno replied, but he did come over to help her. The tent went up quickly, but not before both Turks had been hit by a deluge of rain as the skies opened up and poured it on them. They scrambled inside, dripping.

"Man that's cold..." said Reno, shivering. Elena dug through her pack, and pulled out some dry clothes. Reno was already stripping out of the saturated fabric, revealing the tone, lean body beneath. Elena didn't even realize how intently she was watching him until he spoke.

"Like what ya see?" he asked, waggling an eyebrow suggestively.

"Dream on," she replied, rolling her eyes before looking away. Of course, the fact was that she did like what she'd seen... it was hard not to. For all his obnoxious personality quirks, Reno was far from unattractive, by anyone's standards. Not that she'd ever...

Elena shuddered at the thought. Reno slid naked into his sleeping bag, as Elena changed into something warm and dry... though not before checking to make sure that Reno was facing the opposite direction.

----------

"Hey 'Lena," Reno said, lighting up a cigarette. He was down to his last three, a prospect that didn't bode well for him, "Why the hell are we doin' this?"

"Doing what?" Elena asked. They'd been hiking for almost three hours, most of it uphill as they neared the center of the island. The terrain rose sharply in the interior, and judging by the map, they'd have a short bit of climbing to do in the near future.

"For the last three and a half days we've been wandering around on Tseng's little camping trip from hell... Why?" he asked, taking a drag off the cigarette and flicking the ash onto the ground.

"... Because we're being punished?" Elena replied, wondering just where the hell he was going with this.

"Yeah... so?" Reno said, "What's the worst Tseng'll do to us if we don't do everything exactly as he says?"

"He could fire us..."

"He wouldn't dare... If he did that, he'd have to replace us, and training a new Turk is a pain in the ass," said Reno.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Elena said, rounding on him.

"Chill, 'Lena... I didn't mean you. You're long past the pain in the ass stage," Reno said, laughing.

"... I am?" she asked. That was news to her... Reno always seemed to think she was a pain in the ass, at least as far as she could tell.

"'Course you are. You're a rookie, not an untrained recruit," Reno replied, "You've got the training... you just need the experience to become a good Turk, and that'll come in time. But recruits... Tch, talk about annoying."

It took Reno a moment to realize that Elena was no longer walking beside him. He stopped, and turned back. She was standing a good six paces behind him, looking at him quizically.

"What?" he asked.

"You... really think that?"

"Think what?" he prodded, completely oblivious.

"That I'll be a good Turk someday," she clarified.

"Come on, 'Lena... be serious," he snorted, turning to head back up the trail.

"I am being serious!" she called after him. Reno stopped and turned around again.

"Fuck, Elena... You really think you'd have been promoted to the Turks if I didn't think you had it in you? Tseng doesn't make that decision by himself, ya know..." Reno replied, trying to gauge her response.

"I... I... You mean, you... Huh?" she stammered.

"'Lena?"

"I thought that you hated me!" she blurted out, finally.

"Hated you? Why would I hate you?" Reno asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, not hate, exactly... but you're always telling me I'm weak and that I talk too much, and... It's just... You're always... I mean, you..."

"Oh please... just 'cause I'm hard on ya doesn't mean I don't like you... or that I don't think you're good at what ya do..." Reno said, snickering.

"So what does it mean, then?" she asked, almost timidly. Reno sighed.

"'Lena, sit," he ordered, motioning to a large rock beside the trail. Too stunned to do anything else, she obeyed.

"Look, 'Lena... I know it'll probably send you into shock, but I'm gonna be serious here for a minute or two," he said with a grin, "You're new to the job. You've got the training, but like I already told you, you don't have the experience... So for the time being, it's my job to make sure you don't get yourself killed out there. I know I'm tough on ya... even mean sometimes... but I do it to drive my point home. You make a lot of mistakes... and you know damn well that you do, so don't even try to deny it. Sometimes it's because you don't know any better, and sometimes it's because you just don't think things through all the way. We've all been there... We all started out just like you. Believe it or not, you impress the hell out of me, Elena."

Elena was staring at him as though he'd suddenly sprouted a second head.

"Ok... serious moment over," Reno declared, "Time to get moving..."

"Reno... just tell me one more thing," Elena said, climbing to her feet.

"Hmm?"

"If I impress you so much, how come you keep throwing all these stupid, humiliating pranks at me?"

"... 'Cause it's fun," he said, with a sadistically wide smile. Elena's look of shocked disbelief slowly morphed into righteous fury. Reno laughed and took off running down the path, Elena hot on his heels.

----------

At the base of the cliff they finally stopped, both out of breath, and collapsed against the cool rocks.

"So..." Reno panted, "Back to my initial question..."

"What initial question?" Elena asked, breathing hard.

"What do ya think's the worst Tseng'll do to us if we don't finish this according to his rules?"

"How should I know?" she replied, "I suppose he could leave us here until we do finish..."

"Nah... He needs us back in Midgar eventually, and he knows I'd be perfectly happy to lay around the beach doing nothing for weeks on end before I finally get sick of it."

"Public humiliation?" she ventured.

"Not Tseng's style... Remember? That's what landed us here to begin with..."

"... Torture?"

"There's a thought... I wouldn't necessarily put it past him. But then we still come back to him needing us to be physically and psychologically able to do our jobs."

"So what do you think?"

"No idea... but he's got something planned, just in case. You heard him. He told us point blank that we wouldn't like the consequences if we slacked off," Reno said, going over the possibilities in his head.

"Are you saying we should stop killing ourselves with this punishment, and take our chances with the alternative?" Elena asked.

"Maaaaaaybe," Reno chuckled, "But if I knew what the alternative was, it'd be a hell of a lot easier to decide."

"We're halfway there... Maybe we should just finish and be done with it?"

"And deny Tseng the sadistic pleasure of disciplining us farther? He'll be disappointed..." Reno said, in a mockingly scolding tone.

"There's an upside to that, though," said Elena.

"Yeah?"

"We get to see the look on his face when he learns that not only did we complete our 'mission' flawlessly, but we also didn't brutally murder one another in the process..."

"Heh... True that," Reno laughed, "Tell ya what... You choose. Either we go ahead as ordered, or we blow the whole thing off, make a run for the beach, and work on our tans for the next three days. I'll go along with whatever you decide, no complaints."

"Tempting as that beach sounds... I say we finish what we started," said Elena.

"Tch... typical goody-goody mentality," Reno groused, "But whatever... like I said, no complaints. Let's go."

He stood up, and helped Elena to her feet.

----------

Elena found that things improved markedly from that point on. By the end of the sixth day, they'd found and activated all of the markers... due largely to the fact that Reno had apparently decided to uphold the truce they'd made at the beginning of the trip. The beach where the helicopter would be arriving to take them home was still a few hours hike. With any luck, they could make it by nightfall, and spend their last day on the island enjoying the sand and surf.

As early evening set in, they were making their way down a steep incline, descending from the cliffs in the island's interior back down into the forested areas that surrounded them. Reno was leading, and Elena was following carefully behind him.

"How far do you think?" asked Elena.

"Not sure... Five... Six miles, maybe?" Reno answered, "If we hurry, I think we'll make it while there's still enough light to see by."

"I'm not sure hurrying is a good idea," Elena said, as the loose grit and gravel beneath her feet shifted, and she slid a bit before catching herself.

"Easy, 'Lena..." Reno cautioned, "You fall, and we both go down."

That was not exactly a welcoming prospect. The northern side of the cliffs, while not too ominous-looking from a distance, were steep and covered in a layer of loose sediment and rock. A misstep wouldn't kill you... just send you sliding out of control down the incline. But you definitely wouldn't stop sliding until you hit the bottom.

So naturally, less than thirty seconds after the words had left Reno's lips, Murphy's Law went into effect full force, and Elena's foot came down on a patch of gravel that wouldn't support her weight. She lost her footing entirely, and the next thing she knew, she was heading straight for Reno. Her cry of alarm didn't go unnoticed... Reno turned around just in time for Elena to carreen directly into his chest. He went over sideways as he made a last ditch effort to stop their momentum. He landed hard on his arm, feeling a particularly sharp-edged rock slice into his bicep. His other arm was busy holding onto Elena, but he hadn't had a good grip on her to begin with, and when she was twisted away by the fall, he couldn't hold on. So, he did the only thing he could do... wrapped his arms around his head, and let gravity carry him down.

After what seemed like a ridiculously long time spent sliding and tumbling, he finally rolled to a halt in a patch of mockingly soft grass.

"Reno!" Elena's voice called to him.

"Over here!" he replied, with a groan. Footsteps ran toward him. With some effort, he sat up, wriggled his pack off, and started taking stock of him injuries.

"Reno, are you alright?" Elena asked, in a panic-tinged voice.

"More or less... You?"

"I... I think so," she replied, "I sort of fell on top of you, and then I just slid the rest of the way."

"Yeah, I noticed the falling on top of me part, believe me..." Reno muttered.

"I'm sorry, Reno... It was all my fault..." Elena cried, and then caught sight of his arm, "Oh! You're bleeding!"

"Tch... We're both in one piece. Don't beat yourself up over it. Just do me a favor and grab the first aid kit, will ya?"

Elena, fumbled through the bags, tossing the contents onto the ground in her search for the first kit.

"Yo, 'Lena... calm down," said Reno, "Not a life or death situation here."

"R-right," she replied, flustered. At last she found what she was looking for. Reno had pulled his shirt off to get a better look at the injury, and was gently prodding the ragged edges of the laceration.

"Damn, it got me good," Reno said, "I'll probably need stitches when we get back."

Elena knelt down beside him and opened the kit.

"Make sure ya clean it real good," Reno said, "Last thing I need is for it to get infected."

Elena nodded, and opened the bottle of alcohol, pouring some onto a piece of gauze. Reno flinched as she pressed it against the gash, feeling the sting of the antiseptic seeping into his flesh. Elena was wiping the dirt away from the wound as gently as she could, but by the look on Reno's face, she could tell it hurt him quite a bit.

"Sorry," she whispered, adding more alcohol, and resuming her assault on the injury.

"S'ok, I'm fine..." Reno said through gritted teeth, though he looked more than a little relieved when she was finished. Elena wrapped his arm in a bandage, applying gentle pressure to slow the bleeding. When she was done, Reno groaned and climbed to his feet, carefully pulling his shirt back on.

"Are you sure you're alright?" asked Elena, noticing how Reno winced as he stood.

"Yeah... just a little bruised is all. Gonna be sore as hell in the morning," he replied.

----------

Their arrival on the beach was made by moonlight. Both Turks were tired, filthy, and more than ready for their punishment to be over.

"Ugh... do we have to bother with the stupid tent?" Reno whined, "Let's just sleep on the sand..."

"Yeah, and what are you going to do if it starts raining again?"

"Lie on my back, open my mouth, and hope I drown in my sleep."

The comment set Elena off laughing.

"The worst part of that," Elena said, regaining control of herself, "is that I can almost picture you actually trying it."

"Fine... we'll set up the damn tent," Reno said, smirking.

It didn't take them long, and eventually they were both ready to be wrapped snuggly in their sleeping bags. Elena checked Reno's bandage, and pulled it a little tighter, before finally letting him lay down to go to sleep. But just before he managed to drift of, she prodded him back to the land of the living by shining her flashlight at him, eager to ask him the one question that had been nagging her for days now.

"Hey Reno?"

"Yeah?" he mumbled sleepily.

"About Mr. Foo-foo..." she began.

"I thought I asked you to drop it," Reno replied, defensively.

"Come on, Reno... I promise I won't laugh or anything," said Elena, "I just... I wanna know. That's all."

Reno sighed softly, and rolled over to face her.

"... If I tell you, you have to swear that not a word of it leaves this tent. Like I said before, it's personal. You're the only other person who even knows about Mr. Foo-foo."

"I promise... I won't breathe a word to anyone. Not even to Tseng," she said, seriously. Reno was silent for a minute, debating on whether or not he could trust her.

"You know my mom gave him to me, right?" Reno said at last.

"Yeah, you told me that much," she nodded, thinking back to the time they'd been trapped together in an elevator, and she'd badgered him about the toy until that little bit of information had slipped out.

"Ok... Well, when I was five, I lived with my mom down in sector two. Born there, ya know? We didn't have a whole lot of money, so I didn't get toys real often, and I never got new toys. But Mr. Foo-foo was different. He was a present for my fifth birthday. My mom must've saved for weeks to buy him," he said, pulling the toy out of his pack, and turning it over, fondly, in his hands.

Elena was on the edge of her seat... Reno never talked about his life before the Turks. At least, not to her. It had always been something of a mystery. Sure, she knew a few little details she'd picked up here and there... that he'd been raised in the slums... that he'd been recruited by Tseng when he was just sixteen... that he still had some friends down below who were engaged in... less than legal professions. But nothing specific about his life had ever been volunteered, and she'd been too shy to come right out and ask until now.

"I guess that's why it meant so much. It wasn't anything I needed... probably could've fed us both for a month on what it cost. It was just to make me happy," he continued, "... Mom died less than a year later, and I got dragged off to a youth center. It's the only thing they let me take with me. Tch... not that I had a whole lot else, besides the clothes on my back, and they even took those. Stuck me in one of those god-awful uniforms they give the kids at those places. You know, I can barely even remember what Mom looked like, sometimes? Mr. Foo-foo is all I have left of her."

Elena could feel tears welling up in her eyes, and she tried desperately to blink them back. She felt horrible about teasing him, now. She must have sniffled or something, because Reno suddenly looked up at her.

"Ah man, no. No, no, no... Come on, 'Lena, don't you dare start cryin'," Reno said eyes widening in panic, "I fucking hate it when women cry..."

"S-sorry," she said, taking a deep breath and reining in her emotions before they got the better of her. Reno relaxed slightly, seeing that she wasn't going to start sobbing.

"So that's the story," Reno said, "Now... I'm trusting you. Remember, you promised..."

"Not a word to anyone," Elena replied. Reno nodded, and slid back into his sleeping bag, taking the stuffed bunny with him. Elena, too, lay back, staring up at the domed ceiling of the tent for a moment.

"Reno?" she called.

"Mmph... Now what? Can't a guy get any sleep around here?" he replied, sounding as if he'd been startled out of the very edge of sleep.

"How come you've never told Tseng and Rude about Mr. Foo-foo?"

Reno was quiet so long, that for a moment, Elena thought that he'd ignored her and just gone back to sleep.

"Tseng knows too much about me as it is... No point in adding more baggage to what he's already carrying," Reno said at last, "And Rude... He's a great friend and all, but he's not the sentimental type, ya know? Doesn't hold onto stuff from his past. He'd understand in his own way, but it wouldn't really mean to him what it means to me."

"So why'd you decide to tell me? They're closer to you than I am... Is it just 'cause I accidentally found out about Mr. Foo-foo?"

"Elena, you talk too much," Reno said, yawning widely, "Gimme a break... I'm tired."

"Last question, I promise."

"Fine... I told you 'cause it would mean something to you," Reno said.

"Why do you think that?"

"Thought you said that was the last question..."

"... Sorry."

Elena rolled over, and closed her eyes, trying to sleep. She heard Reno sigh softly.

"You seem to forget, I've been over your apartment with a fine-toothed comb," he said from the darkness.

"Huh?"

"Back when Tseng made me your slave for a day... You made me clean the whole place. There's a picture in your living room of you as a kid. You're standing next to your dad in a park somewhere, holding a doll... it's got yellow hair, and a blue dress, and pink ribbons..."

"Her name's Marci..." Elena said absently, surprised that Reno could recall so much detail. She thought back to the day that picture was taken. It was a few months before her father had been killed in a reactor accident.

"You still have her. I saw her... sitting on your bed. Figured since you kept her all this time, you could understand Mr. Foo-foo."

Elena didn't quite know what to say, though she felt a new understanding of Reno beginning for her.

"Any more questions you're dying to have answered?" Reno asked, utterly killing the moment.

"N-no," she stammered.

"Good... I'm going back to sleep. Don't wake me up again," he said irritably. Elena was silent, not wanting to bother him any more than she already had. After all, he sounded like he was exhausted. Elena, on the other hand, was suddenly very much awake. She rolled onto her side, but found that to be uncomfortable. She rolled onto her back, but that was even worse. She tried her other side, then her stomach, then her back again, her side, her back, her other side...

"For crying out loud, Elena!" Reno lamented, "Stop with the gymnastics and go to sleep!"

"S-sorry, Reno..."

But she couldn't find a position that would let her sleep. Her mind was just too wide awake. After a few more minutes of her tossing and turning, she heard Reno swear under his breath. She froze, half expecting him to start yelling at her for keeping him up half the night. There was a soft rustle, and the sound of the zipper of Reno's sleeping bag, and then she heard Reno moving around. For a moment, she thought he was just going to leave the tent altogether and take his chances with the possible rain... a thought given more merit when she heard what could only be his sleeping bag sliding over the canvas floor of the tent. But a moment later the sleeping bag flopped down right next to hers eradicating the two or so feet of personal space they'd left between them, and the Turk slid back inside of it. Reno wrapped an arm around her waist, and gently urged her closer to him, pressing himself lightly against her back.

A moment later, she felt something soft and fuzzy pressed into her hands... and judging by the shape, she realized that there was only one thing it could possibly be.

"Now... Go. To. Sleep," Reno said, gently. Elena curled herself around Mr. Foo-foo and finally drifted off.

----------

Later the next day, the thumping of helicopter blades broke the peace and quiet of the beach. Elena looked up and spotted the large craft with the Shinra logo emblazened on the side. She tossed down the shells she'd been picking up as she walked, and headed back up the beach to where Reno was stretched out on the sand, stripped to the waist, enjoying the sun.

"Looks like our ride's here," he commented, sitting up and shoving his sunglasses back to their usual spot on his forehead.

The helicopter set down several yards away, the rotors whining to a stop. Tseng stepped out onto the beach, and made his way over to the two Turks.

"Glad to see you survived," he said, reguarding them both.

"Piece of cake, Boss," Reno drawled, not bothering to get up.

"Is that so?" Tseng asked, "What happened to your arm?"

"Totally your fault, boss-man... that trail you marked out is treacherous," Reno replied, with a smirk.

"He fell," Elena supplied, "Actually, we both did... on the northern side of the cliffs... but Reno got the worst of it. It's a pretty deep cut, sir. I think it might need stitches."

"Nothing too serious," Reno added, "Here... I'll give ya a hand with the gear."

Reno held out his hand, and Elena quickly moved to take it and help him up. Tseng raised an eyebrow in surprise. Not only were the two of them being remarkably civil... they actually seemed to be getting along...

"... Alright," he said, said suspiciously, "Who are you, and what have you done with my Turks."

Reno shrugged.

"What do you mean?" he asked innocently. Tseng just shook his head and waved them off to get their things.

----------

"I think we freaked him out a little," said Reno, once they were out of earshot, "This could be a definite advantage..."

"W-what do you mean?" Elena asked, caught a little offguard.

"I mean," Reno said, grinning widly, "... just think of the havoc we could wreak if we teamed up in the name of mischief..."

"Reno!" Elena said, her eyes widening, "You can't be serious! After the trouble we've already gotten into?"

"Come on, 'Lena... we make a pretty good team. What do you say?"

"Well..."

"Join me, Elena... Come over to the dark side..." Reno said in hushed tones, holding out his hand and grinning maniacally. Elena didn't hesitate. She shook it, letting a matching grin spread across her face.

fin

----------

Author's note: Well? Review, and tell me what you think, dang it! 

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	9. When Valentine's Day Attacks

Taking Care of Reno: Chapter 9 When Valentine's Day Attacks by Desha

----------

Author's Note: Valentine's Day is right around the corner, so I figured... why not? NOT Reno x Elena romance. Not really Tseng x Elena, either, though there are not-so-subtle hints of it possibly worming its way into future additions to this story... and of course cheesy, sappiness, Valentinesiness at the end. Enjoy, and don't forget to review. Desha lurves reviews. They make her happy. 

----------

Reno polished off his third beer of the night, and motioned for another. Another day at work was over, and, tommorrow being Friday, the weekend stretched out welcomingly, just waiting for him to finish off that pesky last day of the week. All in all, Reno was in a pretty damned good mood.

"Hey, Rude," he said, grinning widely, and poking his drinking buddy and fellow-Turk in the ribs "Valentine's day is tomorrow... Spendin' it with anyone in particular?"

"... No."

"Valentine's Day is just another excuse for the greeting card companies to make a little extra cash," Elena grumbled, irritably nursing a wine cooler.

"Aw, you only say that because Tseng didn't ask you out. I told ya... just ask him yourself, and he'd probably say yes... but did you listen? No. You went off into your little fantasy world, hoping he'd come and sweep you off your feet like the guys in those stupid romance novels you're always readin'. It's pathetic, 'Lena."

". . ." Rude inched slowly away from the redhead, suspecting that his mouth was going to get him into trouble... Sometimes Reno just didn't know when to stop goading the rookie Turk. And it usually didn't end well.

"I mean it's obvious you like him... If you didn't turn into such a babbling idiot when he's around, you might even have a chance with him..."

"Shut up, Reno," Elena snapped. But Reno was intent on speaking his mind. Rude sat back and watched, mesmerized. It was a bit like a train wreck.

"Seriously, 'Lena! You should see yourself when you try to talk to him. It's hilarious!" he continued... Reno was definitly buzzed by this point, his inhibitions squashed flat and long forgotten, utterly oblivious to the glare Elena was casting at him, "I've never seen anyone get so tongue-tied, yo..."

This wasn't going to be pretty, Rude was sure. Granted, Elena and Reno had been getting along better than they ever had after Tseng had forced them to spend an entire week alone together, but occasionally Reno just made you want to smack him. And the redhead knew it, too... and seemed to thrive on the fact.

"I've said it before, and I'll say it again," Reno added, turning to face her, "Don't act so weak."

That was definitely the last straw, Rude could see it in her eyes. He ducked.

Reno didn't.

A hard right hook caught the redhead unprepared, and sent him tumbling off his bar stool. He watched, slightly dazed, sprawled on the floor, as Elena stormed out of the bar. Once she was gone, Rude deemed the situation safe once moore, and helped his fallen friend back up.

"Was it something I said?" Reno asked, with a lop-sided grin.

----------

'Roses are red, but this one is white. I'm sorry that I made you punch me last night. I'll make it up to you, I promise to you. Just don't hit me again... My eye's still black and blue.'

Elena snorted in quiet laughter as she read the card affixed to the stem of single white rose. It had been waiting for her on her desk when she'd come in to work. Reno's untidy scrawl was unmistakeable, as was his signature sense of humor.

Truth be told, she'd felt a little bad about hitting him... once her initial anger'd had a chance to abate, that is. And much as she hated to admit it (and she REALLY hated to admit it...), Reno had been right. Obnoxious, but right. She SHOULD have asked Tseng out for Valentine's Day herself. She HAD been hoping against hope that he would ask her. And she DID tend to babble like an idiot when she attempted to speak to the Wutaian Turk in anything less than a professional capacity. Still... had it really been necessary for Reno to point all of that out to her?

Elena lifted the rose, and inhaled it's sweet scent, smiling.

It was awfully nice of him to appologise for it, she had to give him that. The truth was, she felt that SHE was the one who owed HIM an appology.

"So... Am I forgiven? Or should I go into hiding for a few more days?" a voice drawled from the doorway. Elena snapped out of her reverie and looked up. Reno's head was peeking cautiously around the doorframe. His left eye was ringed by large bruise that had turned a hideous shade of bluish-purple overnight.

"Oh, Reno!" Elena gasped, "A-are your alright? I... I didn't realize I'd hit you that hard!"

"Tch... You've got a helluva right hook, girl," Reno said, looking relieved that she wasn't stil angry, "But I think I'll live. 'Sides... you know how easy I bruise. It looks worse than it really is."

"You're sure?" she asked, not entirely convinced.

"Yeah, yeah..." Reno said, waving her off as she got up from behind the desk, "Listen... If we're back on good terms again, I had an idea I wanted to run past you."

"An... idea?" Elena queried, not sure where this was going.

"Well, we do still owe Tseng for his little camping trip from hell, ya know. It's been weeks... and we haven't tried anything. Though I gotta admit, it was fun watching him jump at shadows expecting us to do something in retaliation. But I think he's finally let his guard down. Now's our chance to really get him good," said Reno, sadistic intent in his eyes.

"I... I don't know, Reno..." Elena replied, "I mean... it'll just get us into trouble again."

While it was true that she'd agreed to "join" Reno after their forced camping trip, the heat of the moment had long since passed, and she was beginning to think that she'd been a little hasty.

"Heh... Gettin' cold feet, 'Lena?" Reno grinned knowingly, as he stepped fully inside her small office and closed the door behind him. Her reaction wasn't exactly a surprise... she was still largely testing the waters of her position with the Turks. Stepping out of line... even thinking about stepping out of line... unnerved her, and Reno knew it.

"W-Well..."

"What if I told you that by the end of it, you'll be having a nice candlelit dinner with Tsengy-kins on Valentine's Day?"

Oh, yes... That got her attention. He could literally SEE her beginning to crack.

"Doesn't sound like much of a prank... What's the plan?" she asked, narrowing her eyes at him.

Bingo.

"So glad you asked," Reno said.

----------

"What happened to you?" Tseng asked upon spying his second-in-command reclined on the sofa in the Turk's private lounge, an ice pack held over his eye. Reno lifted the ice pack away, revealing the deep purple bruise it was covering.

"Don't ask," he muttered. Tseng sighed, wondering just how much trouble Reno'd managed to get into last night, and where said trouble had been caused.

"Care to explain?" he dead-panned, his arms folded across his chest. It wasn't a request.

"Tch... I pissed off Elena, that's all," Reno replied. Tseng cocked an eyebrow.

"I should have known having the two of you were on civil terms was just too good to be true," he noted, "What happened?"

"I forgot to duck," the redhead said with a shrug.

"I meant," Tseng patiently spelled out, "What did you do to make her angry enough to give you a black eye?"

Reno opened his mouth to reply, but it was at that moment the very topic of conversation herself walked into the lounge, shot an icy glare at Reno, stormed across the room and poured herself a cup of coffee.

"Mornin', 'Lena!" Reno said cheerfully. Elena pointedly ignored him, picked up her coffee, and stormed back out of the room. Tseng groaned inwardly. Weeks of peace and quiet... weeks in which he had dared to hope that the feud between the two Turks had ended permanently... all brought to an end in a single night. He could already feel the familiar headache beginning.

----------

"Oh... You're good. For a minute there, I almost thought you really WERE ticked at me," Reno said, grinning madly as he slipped into the elevator alongside the female Turk. Elena shyly returned the smile at the compliment.

"Do you think Tseng believed it?"

"Hell, yeah he believed it!" Reno laughed, "You shoulda seen his face. Almost made me feel sorry for him..."

"So what's the next step?"

"Next, we enlist a little outside help..."

"Outside help?" Elena asked.

"Heh... El Presidente's secretary owes me a favor. I plan on calling it in."

"W-what are you going to do?" suddenly not liking the direction this was taking. A joke on Tseng was one thing... but getting the President of Shinra, Inc. involved? Elena wasn't sure she liked that idea.

"Relax, 'Lena..." Reno replied, "It's nothin' that'll get us in any real trouble... 'cept maybe with Tseng, when he finds out he's been had... I just need to borrow a little stationary, that's all. Can't forge a direct order from the President without his personal stationary, after all..."

----------

"What's up, boss?" Reno drawled, sauntering into Tseng's office.

'Right, on cue,' he thought to himself, spying the sheet of paper in Tseng's hand. Of course, he already knew exactly what it said, having composed it himself... and forged Shinra's signature (which had not been an even remotely an easy task). Moments later, Elena joined the little group, narrowing her eyes evily at Reno, but otherwise ignoring him.

"You wanted to see me, sir?" she asked Tseng, in her most professional voice.

"I have an assignment for the two of you," he replied.

'Oh, so predictable,' Reno mused silently, 'A little hostility between Turks, and his natural reaction is to force us to work together. Tseng, you're walking right into our hands...'

"It seems that one of our researchers has been selling company secrets. The President wants him neutralized. Immediately," Tseng continued, apparently oblivious to Reno's inner monolouge, handing a dossier to Elena... a dossier, that Reno knew to be a complete forgery. The man in the file didn't exist... never HAD existed. That part had been a serious risk. If Tseng had sensed something was wrong, and had dug around in the company records to verify the information, the forgery would have been revealed immediately... but using an actual employee file was out of the question. It would not bode well for either him or Elena if an innocent employee ended up dead just because Tseng happened to run into them first. Fortunately, it seemed that Reno's little ruse had been convincing enough, and Tseng had accepted the file at face value.

"Yes, sir," Elena replied, accepting the folder. Tseng glanced at Reno.

"No problem, boss," he said with an indifferent shrug, "We'll have it taken care of by quittin' time."

"Then get going," said Tseng, dismissing the two Turks. Elena turned sharply, and strode smartly out the door. Reno gave Tseng a casual wave and followed suit, not in any particular hurry.

"And now the fun begins..." said Reno, as soon as they were out of earshot.

----------

Sector 4 of the Plate was largely reserved for the most respectable and upscale businesses of upper Midgar. High-end hotels... five-star restaurants... shopping plazas... department stores... It was where high society spent their time. And their money.

And it was where Reno and Elena were casually making their way through the waves of pedestrians busy window shopping on the main street.

"Ok, Reno..." Elena finally said, as she hurried to keep up, "What's the deal... you still haven't filled me in on the details!"

"I know, I know... just hold on a little longer. Soon as we get where we're goin', I'll explain everything."

They moved quickly along the street, Elena practically jogging to keep with Reno's longer stride. Suddenly, he stopped short in front of a large glass revolving door. He grabbed her by the wrist, and pulled her inside.

"R-Reno... This is..."

"Pretty swanky, huh?" Reno grinned. Swanky was an understatement. Elena gazed around at the huge lobby of the The Silver Swan... easily the most expensive hotel in upper Midgar. Plush carpeting spread out in a red swath leading to a huge polished marble staircase. Deep grey columns flanked it on either side. The uncovered portions of the floor were of the same stone, and and the walls were paneled with beautifully rich hardwood. A trio of crystal chandeliers hung from the high ceiling, bathing the entire room in soft golden light.

A man in a very expensive-looking suit was rounding the consierge's desk, making a beeline for the two Turks, whom, Elena belated realized, must have looked horribly out of place. Especially Reno, with his unkempt hair, and generally sloppy appearance.

"Can I help you, sir," the man asked, his tone clearly indicating that he felt the two of them didn't even belong in the general vicinity of the hotel, much less in its lobby.

"Aw, drop the snotty upperclass act, Kel," Reno grinned, "She's not a date."

Elena blinked as the man immediately assumed a friendly expression, grinning right back at the redhead as if he'd known Reno all his life.

"What the hell happened to your eye, man?" the man, Kel, replied, his whole demeaner changing.

"She happened," Reno replied, shooting a half-hearted glare at his partner in crime.

"Yeah? Heh... knowing you, you probably deserved it," Kel smirked. Reno paused a moment before replying.

"... Yeah, I kinda did. Kel, meet Elena... 'Lena, this is Kel Volkman. Ya know, Kel... I swear, one of these days you're gonna start talkin' permanently like the pompous ass you pretend to be."

"Ugh... don't even joke about that," Kel replied, rolling his eyes. The tone of voice and expression on the man's face now so completely contradicted his professional attire that Elena had to try very hard not to burst out laughing, "So you're the rookie, huh?"

"Er... Y-yeah," Elena replied, confused as to how the man knew that, "How did you..."

"Kel's an old friend of mine... We hang out now and then," Reno explained, as Kel led them into the office behind the consierge's desk, "Known him since I was... what? 'Bout ten or eleven?"

"Somethin' like that, yeah," Kel confirmed, "We go way back."

"So... You two grew up together?" Elena asked.

"Nah..." said Reno, "We were in a gang together. Well... we CALLED it a gang, anyway. Mostly dumb kids with nothin' better to do, though. And then Tseng came along and recruited me..."

"And I stuck around in the slums for awhile, until I decided to find something better..." Kel interjected.

"And we met up again 'bout six years ago," Reno finished, "Kel pretty much runs this place. Let's me... ah... drop by... on occasion. When I really wanna impress a date."

"Like you've ever had trouble impressing a date?" Kel smirked.

"Uhhh... Ok, Reno. I give up. WHAT are we doing here?" Elena finally asked.

"Oh yeah... Guess I better fill you both in on the rest of the plan," said Reno.

----------

Tseng glanced at the clock. It was nearing 7:00, and he hadn't heard a word from Reno and Elena. They should have checked in by now. It was regulation on any mission that didn't require a communications blackout. And now, just moments ago he'd tried first Reno's PHS, and then Elena's, but there had been no answer.

It was time, he knew, to start looking for them. He hit the speed dial button for Rude's PHS...

----------

Reno glanced at the glowing screen on his phone. The log showed one missed call. The number belonged to Tseng.

"Looks like we've finally been missed," he commented with a wry grin.

"How long until they find us, do you think?"

"Least another hour... I made sure our trail was obvious, but not blatently obvious."

He and Elena were lounging quite happily in one of the hotel's larger suites, after spending the last few hours in preparation for Tseng's arrival. The first thing they'd have to do was neutralize Rude... as Reno had no doubt in his mind that Tseng would arrive with backup. For that purpose, he'd recruited Kel to keep an eye on the security monitors. Knowing Tseng, he would likely send Rude up along an alternate route to ensure that any major escape routes were covered. Trapping him in an elevator would be ideal... but barring that, there were other means in place of keeping him from reaching the suite.

A knock at the door interupted Reno's thought, and he hurried to answer it.

"All set in here?" asked Kel, as he wheeled in a large cart laden with covered dishes.

"All set," Reno confirmed, "Just give us a call when they get here, yeah?"

Kel nodded, flashed Reno a grin, and headed back to his post at the front desk.

----------

"Mr. Volkman? I believe you spoke to my associate earlier..."

"Ah yes," Kel replied, turning his attention on the two men who had just entered, recognizing the taller of the two instantly.

"And they're here?"

"Yes, sir... as I told him," he motioned to Rude, "... they arrived several hours ago. I sent them to this room," Kel confirmed, handing over the electronic card key for the suite currently occupied the two scheming Turks.

"Thank you... you've been most helpful."

With that Tseng and Rude separated, and the Turk-leader mounting the stairs, as Rude stepped calmly into the elevator.

----------

The phone in the suite rang... Reno had been waiting impatiently for the call, and leapt on it, seizing the receiver.

"Kel?" he queried, then paused, listening to the response, "Sweet... thanks, man."

He hung up the phone and turned to Elena.

"They're on their way up. Kel's gonna hold Rude in the elevator... Tseng's all ours."

"I'm ready," Elena replied.

Reno, whose uniform had been shed in exchange for more intimidating attire... an all black ensemble, from head to two... reached for the two items that would complete his costume. A ski-mask... and a small cylinder with a slender metal pin protruding from the top that fit neatly in the palm of his hand. Without another word, he slipped into the hallway.

----------

Tseng reached the floor that was his destination quickly, pausing outside the heavy wooden doors that lead from the staircase landing to the level's main hallway. His weapon drawn, he soundlessly eased the door open. He wasn't entirely sure what to expect, but whatever it was, he knew it was coming soon. He moved carefully down the hall towards the suite.

He didn't have long to wait. Something metallic clattered loudly against the tiled floor behind him, and a hiss filled the silent air. He whirled around, the gas hitting him immediately, sending him reeling back, dazed. It was potent stuff, and Tseng felt his entire body growing heavy before he could act. Moments later, he slumped to the floor, out cold.

When the air cleared a few minutes later, Reno slipped out of his hiding place, and dragged the unconscious man into the suite. It had all been so easy.

'Almost too easy,' Reno mused, absently.

----------

Tseng fought the drowsiness that threatened to send him back to dreamland, forcing his eyelids open, and surveying his current situation. He was seated at a table laden with mouthwatering dishes, dual candles burning brightly on either side of a floral centerpiece. Weapon... on another table, far out of reach. Wrists... securely fastened to the arms of a sturdy wooden chair with even sturdier steel handcuffs. Ankles... duct taped to the legs of the aforementioned chair. Elena... bound and gagged on the bed several feet away from him. Damn.

The room was dimly lit, the lights turned down low, though whether than was merely for ambiance or to conceal the whereabouts of their captor, Tseng wasn't certain. What he was certain of, though, was that Reno was nowhere to be seen... a fact that left him feeling a bit uneasy and vulnerable. Rude, too, was absent.

"Elena? Are you alright?" he asked. The rookie Turk nodded her head, wide-eyed.

"I haven't hurt her... yet," a rough, somewhat unnatural voice growled from behind him. There was something vaguely familiar about it, though it was a passing memory that Tseng couldn't quite place.

A figure slunk out of the shadows, plucking Tseng's gun from the table, and strolling over to the captive Turk. Holding her at gunpoint, he dragged her to her feet, propelling her into the chair opposite Tseng.

"Now... we're going to have a little fun," he said.

"Indeed, we are... Reno," Tseng a ghost of a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. The other man froze, clearly not expecting that response. In the dim light, Tseng saw the unmistakable "Oh shit," expression in the Turk's eyes. It was right about that time that Rude made his appearance by means of the French doors that separacted the suite from the balcony.

In a matter of seconds, Reno was disarmed, and pinned face down on the floor, his arms behind his back, held firmly in place by his fellow Turk. A pair of handcuffs were snapped onto his wrists moments later, and the ski-mask whipped off his head.

"Aw, come on! You've gotta be kidding!" Reno whined, "How the fuck could you possibly..."

"Reno... A word of advice. Never try to pull one over on me," Tseng replied, cutting him off, "Rude, if you would be so kind..."

He nodded toward his own handcuffs that held him to the chair. Rude left Reno where he was and released the Turk leader, and then Elena.

"I had it planned out perfectly, dammit!" Reno insisted, "How? How the fucking hell did you know?"

Tseng picked up the glass of wine that sat at his place-setting and took a sip. It really was quite good.

"You're good, Reno. But I'm better," he replied half-teasingly, goading the younger Turk's temper, "The 'target' your were to be sent after? That was your first mistake. For future reference... I personally confirm the identity of every target sent to the Turks. Even when it is supposedly sent to me by the President himself."

Reno groaned, and Tseng couldn't surpress a quiet chuckle.

"Your second mistake," he continued, "Was not noticing you were being followed. Really Reno... I'm surprised at you. I would expect such a rookie mistake from Elena, who is, in fact, a rookie. But you? Very careless, Reno. Not to your usual standard at all."

"Rude..." Reno moaned, knowing full well who must have been tailing him, "How could you?"

Rude shrugged. Though in Reno's defense, Tseng couldn't hold him entirely responsible for not catching Rude in the act. Rude was just as skilled and seasoned as Reno in such matters.

"You also relied far too much on the loyalty of your friend downstairs," Tseng added.

"Not Kel, too?" Reno lamented.

"I'm afraid so... It seems he shares your fondness for practical jokes, and was only too happy to help us turn the tables on you."

Reno responded by banging his head repeatedly against the floor. All his planning... All of the set up... All for nothing.

"Your final mistake was assuming that I had let down my guard," said Tseng, looking quite uncharacteristically smug, "I know you far too well, Reno, to believe that you would let a matter of personal revenge simply drop."

"S-sir... W-what are you going to do with us?" Elena asked nervously.

"Hmm... That is the question, isn't it?" he said, not wanting to let them off the hook just yet, "What do you think I should do with you?"

"Let us go with a slap on the wrist and forget this whole thing ever happened?" Reno suggested.

"Keep dreaming, Reno," Tseng dead-panned.

"Damn."

"No... I think I'll use the situation to my advantage," said Tseng, "Rude, take Reno back to headquarters. Since he wants to play kidnapper, and since he's been caught in the act, I think a night in one of the detention cells would be quite appropriate."

"WHAT!" Reno shrieked, as Rude began to drag him bodily out of the room, "Ah, son of a... Tseng, did anyone ever tell you that you're a vindictive bastard!"

The Wutaian Turk simply smiled. The redhead's protests gradually faded as he was 'escorted' out of the room and down the hallway. Tseng then turned his attention on Elena, who swallowed nervously.

"Would I be correct in assuming that this was, primarily, Reno's idea?" he asked.

"Y-yes sir."

"And you went along with it because..."

"I... I... Well, I... just... wanted..." she stammered. Tseng just looked at her with his usual patience, waiting her her explanation, "It... was because of the camping trip, sir."

"Oh?"

"I... sort of got to know Reno a little better while I was stuck out there alone with him. I guess we just... just..."

"Became friends, as well as allies?" Tseng offered.

"Y-yes sir."

Tseng reguarded her for a moment, letting her squirm a bit in her nervousness. Finally he relented.

"Good. It's about time."

"Sir?"

"Elena, as Turks we have to be willing to trust one another implicitly. That sort of trust is not simply given... it has to be earned. And to earn that kind of trust, you have to get to know a person. I'm well aware that Reno isn't the easiest person to get close to. That you've managed to make some progress in that reguard is a sign that you're learning what it really means to be a Turk," he said, smiling warmly now.

Elena was so flustered by the comment that she couldn't say anything in reply.

"Of course... you DID team up with Reno in this endevor. I'm afraid I can't let that go without some sort of reprimand," Tseng added, and Elena inwardly groaned. She should have know he wasn't going to let her get away with it just because it had been Reno's idea. That was part of being a Turk, too... taking resposibility when you screwed up.

"Y-yes sir," she replied.

"Therefore, you will join me for dinner."

Elena blinked in surprise. That was it?

"Oh, no... don't think you're getting off that easy," Tseng smirked, as if he'd read her mind, "I simply think it would be a shame to waste all the trouble Reno went to setting this up. And it is Valentine's Day, after all. Beginning tomorrow, however, you will be joining Reno on a week long guard detail. For Hojo. It should be a very... memorable... experience."

Elena shuddered involuntarily. Hojo, though she'd only met him briefly in passing, was not one of her favorite people. She'd heard stories.

"Yes, sir," she said, resigning herself to her fate.

"But don't let that spoil the evening," Tseng added.

"Yes, sir," she replied, perking up a bit. It wasn't all bad. Reno had promised her a candlelit dinner with Tseng on Valentine's Day, and that was exactly what she'd gotten. And if it came at the price of having to spend a week in the company of the companies creepiest scientist... well... it was worth it. She decided to put tomorrow's punishment out of her mind, and enjoy herself while she could. She picked up a fork, and mused over which of the dishes before her to try first.

"Elena?"

"Sir?"

"Happy Valentine's Day."

-fin- 


	10. We All Go a Little Mad Sometimes

Taking Care of Reno: Part 10 We all go a little mad sometimes

by Desha

----------

Author's Note: Slightly less funny, quite a bit more serious (though not without a bit of humor thrown in here and there). After all, as Reno and Elena's relationship evolves, so too must the storyline. ;) This is a direct follow up to part 9, detailing Reno and Elena's punishment for their little Valentine's Day adventure. Slight angstyness at the climax. Beware of bad language, violence, and a little blood. As always, please review. :)

----------

There was nothing else he could do to stall for time. Tseng was watching him impaciently, arms folded across his chest, waiting for him to get up. Elena was standing, all prim and proper, by the door, ready to go. Reno sighed, hoisting himself off the sofa. Might as well get it over with. For just a moment, he could have sworn he saw a smirk flicker across Tseng's face.

"You're enjoying this far too much, you know that, right?" Reno said, escorting Elena out the door. Behind him, Tseng chuckled. Reno ignored him.

----------

"Maybe it won't be so bad..." Elena said hopefully as the two Turks made their way down the hall. Reno snorted.

"Right. We're stuck with a week of guard duty for Dr. von Creepmaster... I'm sure it'll be great!" he groused. Any amount of time in Hojo's company was far too long, in Reno's opinion. The obsessive scientist just had an air of... wrongness... about him. Not to mention a tendancy to reguard every living thing that crossed his path as a potential "specimen". The two Turks stepped into the elevator, and Reno hit the button that would carry them up several floors to the high security research labs.

"But... it's just guard duty, right? How bad could it be?"

"You ever actually been IN that lab of his, 'Lena?" Reno asked.

"W-well, no, but..."

"Heh... Didn't think so. If you had, you'd never have asked how bad it could be," he admonished, "Seriously, 'Lena. There's some weird shit going on up there. Watch yourself."

Elena very nearly laughed, but the serious expression in Reno's eyes didn't waver for an instant. She swallowed nervously as a chime announced their arrival at the labs and the doors slid open. She half expected to see some bizarre scene unfolding before her, like something out of an old monster movie. The sterile white tiled hallway, humming with the activity of dozens of people in lab coats was so far removed from what she'd pictured, she snickered. Reno eyed her strangely, but shurgged it off.

----------

Organized chaos. If Reno had to come up with a term to describe it, that would have been it. Technicians in white coats scurried to and fro, checking and rechecking the crates and containers that were being carted into the hallway. Those were what he and Elena would be guarding. According to their briefing, due to the increasingly sensitive nature of Hojo's experiments, several of his current projects were being transfered to the military installation at Junon... not only for the added security, but also because the Midgar research staff simply couldn't handle the workload any longer. Teams in Junon would be taking over a total of six projects over the course of the next week, during which time all specimens and research materials relating to those projects were to be transfered from the Midgar labs to the Junon labs. The Turks were there to provide security during said transfer. And of course, Hojo himself would be traveling with his "precious specimins" to ensure that they were treated with the proper care.

"It's about time you arrived. The first shipment has been ready for nearly an hour!" a thin, bespectacled man with long, slightly greasy hair shouted over the din of the bustling lab assistant. Reno inwardly groaned. Speak of the devil...

"Yes, sir," Reno replied, subtley stepping in front of Elena. Hojo shuffled forward and glared at him. Reno was easily a head taller than the man, but his grey-eyed gaze was still slightly unnerving. Even more so when Reno realized that Hojo was looking him over rather intently.

"Hmm... A good physical specimin," he stated, clearly speaking to himself, rather than the Turk, "Prehaps lacking in higher intelligence, but decently suitable."

Reno narrowed his eyes, feeling more than a little insulted, and opened his mouth to comment on that remark, but Hojo had already turned his attention on Elena... who had, Reno noticed, taken a half-step backwards. He smirked slightly. Maybe now she'd believe him about just how bizarre the guy was.

"Yes, excellent. Excellent. Very healthy-looking, strong, of prime age... likely very fertile... This one would make a fine breeding specimen for project 217..."

"E-excuse me!" Elena squeaked. Reno smoothly stepped between the rookie Turk and Hojo.

"If the preparations for transport are finished, sir, perhaps we should get going," he ground out, suddenly feeling very protective of his fellow-Turk, and not about to let things go any farther down THAT road. Hojo gave him a cold look.

"Very well... If you'll not indulge my research, we shall be off," he said, turning on his heel, and began issuing instructions to his assistants. Reno turned back to look at Elena, who was obviously unsure of what had just happened.

"Told ya the guy was creepy," he said, smirking at her bewildered and slightly disgusted expression.

----------

It wasn't often that Reno got to ride in one of ShinRa's massive airships. The things were damned impressive... and generally reserved exclusively for Junon's military troops. In fact, this was only the third time he'd ever been inside one of them. For Elena, it was a first, and despite the fact that she was trying very hard to be professional, Reno had caught her, more than once, looking around, awed by the complexity of the machinery that was keeping them aloft.

"Fuckin' cool, huh?" he commented.

"Y-yeah..." she breathed.

"Heh... Better go look around while you can. You probably won't get another chance for a long time."

"Er... But we're supposed to be on duty. I can't just go wandering off," she protested, though he could tell that she really did want to do a little exploring while she had the opportunity.

Reno shrugged.

"So call it a patrol," he replied.

"R-really?"

"Go," he said, smirking, "I'll cover things here. Just watch out for Hojo. Wouldn't wanna wind up as one of his "breeding specimens", after all."

"Ugh..." was Elena's only reply to that.

"By the way, while we're on the subject of breeding..." Reno said, a note of mischief in his voice, "How was dinner with Tsengy-kins?"

And Reno couldn't help but laugh as she rolled her eyes and walked away from him.

----------

Elena peered over the railing as the ground far below raced by, feeling exhilarated. They would be arriving in Junon very shortly, and from there, she and Reno would be supervising the unloading and transport of all of Hojo's materials. It was going to be a very long week, but the airship ride almost made it worth it.

Not long ago, she'd caught sight of Hojo below deck... which was, primarily, why she'd come out here. Reno had been right about him, though she didn't shared his apparent distrust of the scientist. He didn't seem dangerous... just very, very odd. Which, she supposed, was a trait that went along with being a genius. Her thoughts were interupted by the insistant ringing of her PHS. She quickly moved to answer it.

"Elena here," she said.

"Yo, rookie... Get back down here. We've got a problem," Reno's voice responded over the handset.

"On my way, sir," she replied, and hurried back to where she'd left her partner.

----------

When she arrived in the cargo bay, things were definitely not as she'd left them. Where once it had been only she and Reno, and the occasionally cursory inspection by Hojo or one of his lab assistants, now, it seemed, his entire staff was on alert, checking containers, flipping though checklists, and generally buzzing about with an air of repressed panic.

"W-what's going on?" she asked Reno.

"Not sure... Someone was down here. Almost had him, but one of those idiots got in my way, and he slipped past me," Reno said, annoyance clearly evident in his voice.

"Is anything missing?"

"That's what they're checking on right now," the other Turk replied, "But there's a lot to check. You and I are going to look for our intruder. He can't have gone too far."

----------

Their search was going nowhere fast. Whoever he was, he seemed to have vanished into thin air.

"Could he have left the ship?" Elena asked, her sidearm drawn and poised to fire, should it be necessary. They were searching one of the aft compartments, gradually making their way forward. The bowels of the airship, however, were like a maze, and their target could be hiding anywhere. Both Turks were on alert, and moving cautiously.

"Could've, if he had a parachute, I guess... But I think someone would have noticed a guy bailing out of an airship five miles above the ground. Nah, I think he's still down here somewhere."

A loud clang sounded behind them, and both Turks spun toward the noise, weapons raised, as a mangy-looking cat darted out from behind a crate.

"Shit," Reno muttered, rolling his eyes, "Fucking cat almost lost about six of his lives..."

He lowered his electro-rod.

"Come on, 'Lena... Let's keep go-AHHHH!"

Elena jumped at the pained cry, gun aiming automatically in the general direction of danger.

"Reno!"

The sight that met her eyes was not one she'd ever wanted to see. Reno had been ambushed from behind. A short, rotund man in a dirty blue and white shirt and jeans had a firm grip on Reno's hair. But that, Elena saw, was not what had made the Turk cry out. Implanted firmly in the side of his neck was a rather large syringe. A now-empty syringe. Reno himself had gone frighteningly pale, and beads of sweat rolled down his face. Whatever he'd been injected with was taking effect quickly.

Elena fired once, hitting Reno's assailant cleanly in the shoulder. He released his hold on the Turk and staggered backwards. Reno collasped, shivering, on the floor, eyes rolled back in his head.

"What did you do to him!" she shouted at the man, gun leveled at him.

"Why don't you ask that bastard of a scientist you've got workin' for ya? He's the one that made it," he sneered, reaching into his pocket.

"Don't move!" Elena warned, but the intruder apparently had a larger agenda than simply escaping with his hide intact. He withdraw a small remote control, thumb poised over the single large button in the center of it. Elena didn't give him a second chance. She fired, putting a bullet right between his eyes. He died instantly, but it was too late. At almost the same instant, his finger hit the button. Elsewhere on the airship, there was a massive explosion, and the entire vessel lurched to one side. Elena felt the sickening sensation of rapid decent in the pit of her stomach.

'This is how I'm going to die,' she thought, and was surprised that it didn't frighten her nearly as much as she thought it should. Suddenly, there came a jarring impact, and the screeching of metal against metal. Elena was thrown forward, slamming hard into the wall directly in front of her, and her world went dark.

----------

"Ohhh..." she moaned. For a moment, she was certain that she was dead... but a sharp pain in her side, followed by the near-blinding light of the sun as her eyes snapped open quickly convinced her otherwise. Elena slowly sat up, feeling vaguely dizzy, and very much in pain. Her head throbbed, and when she raised a hand to her scalp, it came back coated in blood. Shakily, she staggered to her feet, wincing as what could only be several broken ribs sharply protested the movement. Her entire body felt bruised, though judging by the wreckage that surrounded her, she'd gotten off relatively lucky.

Where once she had been in an hallway enclosed by cold metal walls, she was now very nearly out in the open. The floor was tilted at an angle, and the deck above had been ripped away completely. It took her a moment to remember what had happened. The memories came back one by one. She recalled shooting the man... the explosion... being thrown off her feet.

Then she recalled something else.

"Reno..." she gasped. She had no idea what had happened to the other Turk. Still not entirely steady on her feet, she stumbled across the debris-strewn floor.

"R-Reno? Can you hear me?" she called, taking a few steps forward... and promptly tripping over a large object in her path. She fell, letting out a scream as her already-traumatized ribs hit the floor hard. She lay there for a moment, dazed by the pain, vision dimming as she came close to passing out again. She fought it, taking a few slow breaths. Eventually, her head stopped spinning and her vision cleared, though each time she inhaled, her chest felt as if it were on fire.

Her gazed travelled to whatever it was she'd fallen over, eyes locking on the face of the dead man. The one who'd attacked Reno. Vindictively, she gave the corpse a sharp kick in the head.

"Asshole," she spat. But if he was here, then Reno had to be close by, too. She hoisted herself to her feet, using an overturned crate for leverage. She clambored over the wreckage, eyes scanning every inch of it. As she moved slowly down what was left of the hallway, a soft sound met her ears. It was barely audible, and she paused, straining to hear it. After a moment, she began to think that she'd simply imagined it, but then, suddenly it came again. It was muffled... a whimper. She hurried in the direction she thought it had come from.

"Reno?" she called, hopefully, silently begging every diety she could think of that he was still alive. She was getting closer now. Elena shifted a large metal panel to one side, revealing the object of her search. Reno was curled in a fetal postion, eyes squeezed tight shut, his face pale, his entire body shaking.

"Reno!" she fell to her knees next to him, pressing two fingers against his neck. His heart was racing. His skin was clammy and damp with cold sweat.

"Oh god..." she whispered. Reno's eyes opened, turning to look at her.

"'Lena..." he rasped, "It... h-hurts..."

----------

The call had come in less than five minutes ago. Junon had recieved an emergency signal from the Torrent... the airship that had been carrying not only Hojo and several of his projects and staff, but also two Turks. It was the latter that Tseng was currently more concerned about, though had anyone he and Rude met in the hallway asked, he would have said otherwise. He'd tried several times, unsuccessfully, to contact them.

It was supposed to have been routine. It was supposed to have been merely a formality, taking along two Turks as part of security... a favor he'd called in, in truth. The airship was a floating fortress, after all. It had no need for extra security.

He blamed himself. There was no real reason for them to be there. He'd only wanted to teach them a lesson, and there were few things less appealing than time in Hojo's company. It had all been meant in the spirit of fun, but now things had taken a decidedly more dire turn.

He and Rude boarded the helicopter that waited for them on the rooftop of the ShinRa Building.

----------

He wasn't injured, at least not as far as she could see. It was the syringe, then. Whatever had been in it was making him sicker and sicker by the minute. Possibly... probably, she amended... even killing him.

He was beginning to have difficultly breathing now. Elena simply didn't know what to do for him. It tore her apart her to see him like this, even more so because she was helpless to do anything to ease his pain. She had resorted to rubbing gentle circles on his back, offering what comfort she could. But she knew that if she didn't so something soon, there was no hope for him at all.

"I-it'll be alright Reno..." she said, though her voice was far from convincing, "I'll go get help. Just... hang on, ok?"

"N-no..." Reno managed, through clenched teeth, "Don't... leave me, 'Lena. Please... Don't leave me... alone..."

Her stomach twisted as she read the meaning behind his plea, and she felt ill. He was giving up. He didn't want her to leave, because he was afraid he'd be dead by the time she got back... and he didn't want to die alone. She swallowed harshly and blinked back the tears that had welled up.

"So... the two of you DID survive after all," a voice stated in a rather bored tone. Elena turned, utterly relieved that someone had found them. Hojo and two of his staff stood at the far end of the destoryed hallway.

"Oh, thank Ifrit," Elena sighed, "Reno needs help!"

The three of them came closer, and Hojo joined her at Reno's side.

"Well, well... How interesting," he commented, "I take it that this is our theif's doing?"

"H-how did you know?"

"We had just determined what had been taken when the explosion occured. This is obviously the effects of project 1071," Hojo replied.

"Is there are cure? An antidote? Something?" Elena pleaded.

"Certainly," said Hojo, and Elena sighed in relief, "However, like most of the cargo, it was destroyed. Nearly all of my specimens... gone..."

Her heart sank. That was it then... There was nothing they could do for him. So upset was she, that she didn't notice what Hojo was doing until it was nearly too late. The scientist's hand had crept into Reno's jacket, pulling the Turk's sidearm from it's holster. Hojo leveled the gun at the suffering Turk. Elena's eyes widened as realization dawned and she grabbed his arm just as he pulled the trigger, jerking the gun upwards. The bullet sailed high off course, striking something metal in the distance. In a matter of seconds she'd disarmed him and taken the gun for herself.

"What are you doing!" she shrieked.

"Hmph... it would be far kinder to end this for him now," Hojo said coldly, "And far safer for us."

"What do you mean?" she asked, eyeing him suspiciously. The two members of Hojo's staff had hung back, unsure of what to do, and as Elena glanced back at them, she realized that they seemed extremely concerned about something.

"This is only stage one," Hojo replied, "The pain will continue to increase, but eventually, it will subside. Once he enters stage two, he will gain strength very quickly, seemingly returning to normal."

Reno was going to be alright? She hardly dared to hope that she had heard correctly.

"Don't look so relieved. I said 'seemingly'," Hojo continued, "Once stage three begins, he will become violent. Very violent... He will attempt to kill anyone he comes across. Myself... my staff... even you. He will lose himself completely and no amount of pleading will dissuade him. And then, when the effects of stage three have worn off, he will slip into a coma and approximately 12 to 24 hours later, he will die. If we were in my lab, I could administer an antidote, however..."

He shrugged, gesturing to the wreckage around them. Given the situation, there wasn't much chance of getting Reno the help he needed before the drug in his system took full effect.

Reno gave a low, pained moan.

"'Lena..." he gasped, and Elena turned her attention to her colleague, soothing him. It was getting worse just as Hojo had said it would.

"Why do you continue to hesitate?" Hojo asked, shaking his head, "In such a situation, it is best to destroy the specimen. He'll kill us all!"

"Reno is NOT one of your specimens!" Elena protested, stroking the red-head's damp hair with her free hand, while her other held tight to the gun.

"Fine... stay with him, then. But mark my words, in the end you'll have to finish him off before he finishes you," Hojo said, climbing to his feet, "As interesting as observing this would be, I think I shall err on the side of safety and put some distance between myself and your friend there. When help arrives, I'll let them know where to find your bodies."

Elena glared at him as he and his assistants left them. Reno shifted slightly, looking up at her.

"It... It doesn't hurt... as much anymore," he said, panting softly. Elena's attention immediately shifted back to the other Turk.

"Reno? Are you... are you alright?" she asked, before mentally kicking herself.

'Well, that was a stupid question. Of course he's not alright,' she thought angrily.

"Tch... As 'alright' as anyone who's going to go completely insane and attack anything that moves can be, I suppose," Reno said weakly, some semblance of his usual twisted humor surfacing.

"Don't say that," Elena said.

"Elena, listen..." Reno said, "If things get bad... If what Hojo said actually happens... I want you to protect yourself by any means neccessary."

"Reno..."

"That's an order, Elena," he said, sternly, "Handcuff me... Knock me out... Shoot me if you have to. Just don't let me hurt you. I'm fucking serious."

Elena couldn't respond. She looked down at the gun in her hand, and nodded silently.

"Give me your handcuffs," Reno demanded.

"W-what?"

"Chain me to something sturdy, yo, so I can't get loose." he clarified, nodding to the gun "Long as I can't reach ya, you won't have to resort to that, right?"

Elena looked around and spotted the flight have stairs that would have led up to the upper deck had it still been there. There was a heavy metal handrail welded to the support beam on the wall. That would certainly be sturdy enough.

"Come on..." she she said, wrapping an arm around Reno's waist and helping him to his feet. Her injuries protested, but she ignored them for the time being. The two Turks slowly made their way to the stairs, and Elena handcuffed Reno to the railing. The red-head settled himself on the bottom stair.

"Make 'em tight," he instructed, and Elena hestitantly forced the cuff around his wrist as tight as she dared.

"You look like hell," he commented, smirking.

"You don't look so hot yourself," she countered.

"Please... I always look hot," Reno grinned, "Just ask Julie... Or Cynthia... Or Laurie... Or..."

"You are such a pig," Elena cut him off, grateful that he was trying to lighten the mood a bit. Reno smiled widely, with pride.

"Prude..."

"Jerk."

"Big-mouth..."

"Creep."

"Virgin."

"Ugh... Pervert," Elena said rolling her eyes, before adding, "... and I am not."

"Oh really," Reno replied, suggestively.

"Dream on, Reno," she sighed, shaking her head, but she couldn't quite surpress the snort of laughter that escaped.

"Gonna deny a man his last request?"

The small smile faded from Elena's face.

"That's not funny," she said softly. Reno shrugged.

"Who said it was a joke?"

"Can't you ever be serious?" she asked, glaring at him.

"On occasion... but I try to avoid it," he grinned in reply. Suddenly, he closed his eyes, drawing in a sharp breath.

"Reno?" Elena queried, concern quickly replacing annoyance.

"S'ok... Just kinda dizzy there for a second," Reno replied. But that didn't alieviate her growing worry. In the back of her mind, she knew... just knew that this was the beginnings of stage three, and Hojo's words came back to haunt her. Finish him off before he finishes you.

No... She wasn't going to do that to Reno. As long as he was chained up, it would be fine. They would wait for help to arrive. They would get him back to Hojo's lab at Midgar, and Hojo would give him the antidote... or she'd tear the little bastard's his head off herself. Reno leaned his head against the railing, closing his eyes.

"H-hey... Reno?" she said, moving toward him, intent on checking to see that he was alright. As soon as she was near enough, he lunged, backhanding her with his one free hand. Elena was sent flying back, and landed sprawled on the floor just inches outside his reach, gasping in pain as, for the second time that day, her broken ribs made contact with the floor. She turned and met his gaze, and a cry caught in her throat. His eyes were wild... there was nothing of the Reno she knew in them. He glared at her, pulling so hard at the handcuffs that held him that they dug into his wrist, tearing the skin and coating his hand in his own blood. Elena scrambled back several feet, snatching the gun from where it had landed as she went.

Her retreat seemed to anger him even more, and he pulled harder and harder at the handcuffs, mindless of the injuries he was inflicting on himself. The only thing on his mind seemed to be getting ahold of Elena.

----------

Tseng scanned the area from high above. The base in Junon wasn't entirely certain where the airship had gone down, but they had a pretty good idea. Luckily, something that big ought to be fairly easy to spot.

"There," he said at last. Curls of black smoke rose from the plains. He could just make out the shaped of the downed aircraft. Rude turned the helicopter towards the crash site.

----------

"R-Reno, calm down," Elena pleaded with the captive Turk, "It's me... It's 'Lena. Oh... Please, Reno. I know you're in there somewhere..."

Reno screamed in frustration as he fought wildly against his bonds. She held the gun like a lifeline... If he managed to get loose, it would be the only thing that stood between her and Reno tearing her limb from limb. But could she really do it? Could she really kill someone she considered both an ally and a friend... even if it was to save herself? She desperately hoped that she wouldn't have to find out.

But it seemed that hope alone wasn't enough.

There was a loud ping as the chain linking the handcuffs together snapped, and now Reno was free. He growled animalistically and flung himself at her. Elena backpedalled at the last second, narrowly eluding him.

"Reno! Stop!" she cried deperately. The other Turk paused momentarily, a flicker of recognition flashing across his face.

"'Lena?" he said, shaking his head violently, as if to clear it.

"Yeah... yeah, Reno. It's me. It's 'Lena!" she cried, hopefully.

Reno squeezed his eyes shut, fighting valiently against what Hojo's drug was telling him to do.

"Elena... shoot..." he managed before it overtook him again, and he resumed his attack. Elena scurried back farther, but Reno was too fast. He was suddenly on top of her, pinning her, his hands around her throat. She couldn't call out for help... couldn't breath. Reno was choking her... cutting of her airway completely. Her vision was growing fuzzy at the edges. The gun was clenched in her hand.

She pressed be barrel against Reno's belly.

'I'm sorry, Reno,' she thought, and pulled the trigger.

----------

The helicopter landed near the crash site, and the two Turks exited. It was bad. The survivors were clustered near what remained of cockpit. Several people had been killed outright, and lay covered in the shade of the debris. Several more had been injured. Tseng realized with dread that neither of his Turks were among those he could see. Hojo, however, was... and was approaching quickly.

"You certainly took your time getting here. At this rate there will hardly be anything left to salvage," he snapped. Tseng fought the urge to punch him. Rude wisely stayed out of it.

"We..."

Suddenly, before he could finish his reply, a gunshot rang out from somewhere among the wreckage.

"Ah... I guess she decided to take my advice after all," Hojo commented.

"What are you talking about?" Tseng asked narrowing his eyes.

"I told her she'd have to put him down. The drug he was given is very potent. You can't fight it," the scientist responded, "But not to worry... I'm sure you can replace him."

"Reno..." Tseng whispered, and took off at a sprint in the direction of the gunshot, Rude not far behind.

"Elena! Reno!" he called out, not sure where they were exactly.

"Sir!" came Elena's voice. The anguish in it was unmistakeable. Tseng raced toward the sound, and stopped short at the sight that greeted him.

Reno was slumped over, his breathing ragged, a pool of blood growing beneath him. Elena was sobbing quietly, one hand covering her eyes, the other limp at her side, a gun resting on her palm.

"Rude, get him back to the helicopter," Tseng ordered, snapping into professional mode, "Don't wait for us... get him back to Midgar. Now!"

Rude didn't need to be told twice, and Elena watched sadly as Reno's limp form was carted off by her fellow-Turk.

"I've killed him..." she whispered.

"Hush, Elena," Tseng said calmly, "He's not dead yet... They'll do everything they can to save him."

"He told me to," she said, taking a deep breath, and wiping her sleeve across her face, fighting to regain her composure, "He ordered me not to let him hurt me, whatever it took."

"That's enough Elena," Tseng replied, "You can fill me in on what happened later. Right now, you need medical attention, as do quite a few other people."

He helped her to her feet, and Elena let him lead her off in the direction Rude had taken Reno. She felt numb, and she was grateful for that, because at the moment, she didn't think she could deal with what she'd been forced to do... not without humiliating herself, at any rate.

----------

She must have passed out at some point while waiting for transport back to Midgar... because she awoke in a dimly lit room decorated entirely in white. Elena had no idea how long she'd been asleep. She didn't even know where she was at first, until her mind woke up a bit more, memories returned, and logic kicked in.

Of course, it must be a hospital room. Where else would Tseng have taken her?

But where was Tseng now? Had he been shooed out by the doctors and nurses, told to leave her be and let her rest. She doubted it. If Tseng had wanted to stay, nothing short of physical force could have moved him... and she had her doubts that even physical force would be sufficient.

Had he been needed elsewhere? That was perhaps more likely... but then, Rude could have handled anything urgent. On the rare occasions when Reno or Rude had been badly injured, he'd always stayed until they woke. Why, then had he left her? Was it because of what she'd done? She felt a bit dejected by the thought, as she stared up at the ceiling, though now her thoughts were drifting elsewhere. What about Reno? Had he made it back to Midgar? Had the doctors been able to save him? Or was he...

"Typical... I step out for two minutes and you go and wake up while I'm gone," a familiar voice said from the doorway, "We really have to do something about your impatience, Elena."

She lifted her head slightly, and there was Tseng, striding calmly into the room.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Sore, sir," she said. The corners of Tseng's mouth twitched into a smile.

"Understandable."

"S-sir?" she began, desperately wanting to know the answers the the questions plauging her.

"Hmm?"

"What about... What about Reno? Is he ok?" she asked, swallowing the lump in her throat.

"I don't think "ok" is the term I would use... but he's very much alive," Tseng replied, "Nine hour of surgery later, that is. At the moment, he's in the ICU. If you're feeling up to it later, I'll try to convince them to let you visit him for a little while."

He paused for a moment, hesitating.

"I should warn you... It isn't a pleasent sight. And they're keeping him sedated until the drug is completely out of his system. Hojo filled me in on the effects of his little experiment. Apparently, even after recieving the antidote, it would cause unbearable pain if he were awake. One of Hojo's favorite projects, I'm sure..." he said, sounding disgusted.

"H-how badly did I hurt him, sir?" she asked.

"Elena, this is neither the time nor the place for such discussions."

"Please... I want to know."

Tseng sighed.

"You only just missed his heart," he said at last, "The bullet pierced his stomach, collapsed a lung, bounced around a bit, and finally came to rest in his liver. All in all, he was lucky. Half an inch to the left or right, and it probably would have been immediately fatal."

----------

Elena was released the following day, with strict orders to take it easy for at least the next couple of weeks. Reno, however, remained in the ICU for more than a week, before finally being transfered to a recovery room. As much as Elena wanted to visit, if only to assure herself that he was alive and relatively well, she couldn't bring herself to face him. She was the one who'd almost killed him.

After several more days of avoiding the inevitable, Rude told her that Reno had been asking about her, wondering when she was going to come see him, and she knew she couldn't put it off any longer. As she stepped silently into his room, she realized that she had no idea what to say. It was, therefore, almost as much a relief as it was a disappointment when she found him asleep.

She crept up to him, and settled herself nervously in the chair beside his bed. Elena couldn't get over how wrong it seemed to see the usually-hyperactive Reno lying there so still and quiet. And she couldn't quite rid herself of the guilt she felt for putting him in such a state.

"You gonna sit there starin' at me all day or you gonna say somethin'?" Reno asked, and Elena jumped, nearly falling out of the chair.

"You're awake!" she blurted out.

"Heh... Nothin' gets by you, does it, 'Lena..." he replied, opening his eyes and grinning weakly, "What the hell took you so long? You shoot me, and then don't even bother to visit? You have any idea how fucking boring it is around here? It's fucking torture... Have you SEEN the nurses on this floor? All guys! 'Cept for Hilda... and no way in Hell am I flirting with that."

"I wasn't sure you'd want to see me..." Elena said, staring down at the floor.

"... Where the hell'd you get an idea like that?" Reno asked, bewildered.

Elena didn't answer.

"Oh, I get it..." Reno said, catching on, and rolling his eyes, "You've been beating yourself up for the last... what? Week and a half? Oh no, I hurt Reno... He must hate me... Oh, how could I do something like that to him? Why didn't I sleep with him when I had the chance."

Her head shot up, and she stared him in the face, and despite the fact that he was right... she had been beating herself up - and doing a damn good job of it, too... she started to laugh.

"Oh sure... laugh at me," he said in a mock-hurt tone, "That'll make me feel better."

He watched her, amused, until she composed herself.

"I guess this means you're going to be fine," she commented. Leave it to Reno to make HER feel better when he was the one in the hospital.

"Much, I'm sure, to everyone's dismay, yes," Reno replied.

"I'll try to break it to the secretarial staff gently."

"Hey 'Lena," he said, tone turning serious, "Look... I'm sorry."

"W-what?"

"I'm sorry you had to do what you did," he replied, "I know how much it must have hurt you. I've been there."

She very nearly proclaimed that she was the one who owed him an appology... but something about the way Reno was looking at her made her hold her tongue. Instead, she leaned forward and lightly stroked his hair.

"I hope I never have to do anything like that again," she said seriously, before adding "They told me that I shouldn't stay long, because you're supposed to be resting."

Reno snorted in annoyance.

"Figures..." he muttered, "Personally, I think they enjoy watching me go stir crazy..."

"I-is there anything I can do before I leave?"

"Hmm? Yeah, acutally, now that you mention it..." he said, grinning and beckoning her to come closer so that he could whisper something to her. Elena leaned down.

"Go find me a cute nurse..."

----------

Author's note: So there you have it. Too much seriousness and drama for this story series, or did it fit with the way the plot has been heading? Should I keep going in this vein, or go back to the lighter more humorous stuff? Review and let me know! 


	11. Ghost Stories

Taking Care of Reno: Part 11 - Ghost Stories by Desha

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Author's note: This was supposed to be up for Halloween... but of course I'm late. At any rate, time for a nice little Turks ghost story. As always, I hope you enjoy it, and please review... even if it's just to tell me that my writing sucks... I like to know that people are actually reading this drabble. 

----------

"... and when he woke up, he found himself in a bathtub filled with ice! And his..."

"Yeah, we know, Reno... His kidney was gone," Elena interjected before the redhead could finish. Reno glared at her in the darkness of the Turks' private lounge, and let the flashlight he was holding under his chin drop to his lap.

"Geez Elena... spoil the ending, why don't ya?" he muttered.

"We all KNOW the ending! That's the oldest story in the book!" Elena retorted.

"So? It's a classic," Reno replied.

"... It's lame, Reno," Rude said, adding his two cents on the matter. Reno folded his arms across his chest.

"Fine... I suppose you can do better?" he snapped. But Rude didn't have the opportunity to answer the challenge. Without warning, the room was illuminated by the harsh glare of overhead flourescent lighting, and all three Turks jumped in surprise, turning toward the door.

"Ahh! Little warning next time, yo!" Reno yelled, squinting in the unexpected brightness.

"Dare I even ask?" Tseng said with a sigh as his gaze fell upon his fellow Turks, all seated in a circle on the floor of the lounge.

"It was Reno's idea, sir..." Elena explained, "Since Halloween is tomorrow, he thought it'd be fun to tell ghost stories... er... seeing as we're not on assignment at the moment... sir..."

"Not the one about the stolen kidney, again," Tseng snickered, rolling his eyes, and strolling into the room, taking a seat on the arm of the overstuffed sofa that sat against one wall.

"It's a CLASSIC!" Reno insisted, irritably.

"It's an urban legend that's been around for decades. And not a very convincing one, at that," Tseng replied, "You do this every year, Reno. If you're going to make us listen to your so-called ghost stories every Halloween, you might at least try telling one that we haven't all heard a dozen times for a change. I'd be willing to bet you don't even KNOW any decent ghost stories..."

"Yeah? You challenging me?" Reno asked with a smirk.

"What if I am?" Tseng replied, feeling a bit more playful than usual and cocking an eyebrow at the redhead.

"You're on, boss-man," declared Reno, "You and me... one story each. Elena and Rude pick the winner."

"Mmm... And what's the prize?" Tseng asked, smiling slightly.

"... Good question," Reno replied, thinking for a moment, "Ok... if I win, you take my place next week when the President goes to give his speech in Junon..."

Reno had been dreading that assignment from the moment it had been handed to him. Not that it was anything difficult, but the President's speeches were notoriously long-winded... and boring. And Reno would have to sit through the whole damned thing...

"And if my story is superior to yours?"

"Name it," said Reno.

"No alcohol for one full week," Tseng said, smirking at the expression that came over Reno's face. Were it not for his friend's already-alabaster skin, he would have sworn the man had just gone a shade or two paler... which, of course, was the entire point behind Tseng's "prize".

"What's the matter, Reno? Losing confidence?" Tseng goaded him. Reno scowled at him.

"Fine, if that's what you want. Not like you're gonna win anyway..."

"We'll see," Tseng replied, as he twisted around and flicked off the lights.

----------

Tseng graciously allowed Reno the priviledge of going first. Elena and Rude sat across from the two of them, much more eager to hear whatever demented tale Reno's mind might concoct, now that his favorite after-hours hobby was on the line.

"Alright..." Reno began, "The story I'm about to tell you is true. It happened years ago, when I was just a kid..."

-----------

You all know where I grew up. The slums... not exactly a pleasant place most of the time. Oh, yeah... I could tell ya stories. Stories that'd make your skin crawl. I grew up in Sector 2... and let me tell ya, it was the worst of 'em all. Sector 2 was where the lowest of the gutter trash ended up when they were run out of the more respectable sectors. Real fucked up place. You had your decent people, of course, but a lot of scum besides. And that sent most of the good people runnin' for the hills... or for one of the other sectors, at least. But me, I toughed it out there in Sector 2 for a good long while. Me and a few friends of mine. I was probably somewhere around twelve or thirteen when it all happened.

One day, dead of winter, kids just started disappearin' all over the sector. No one knew what happened to em'. 'Course, it was nothing strange for a kid or two ta go missin' every once in a while in that place... but this was different. Whole bunch of 'em all a once, and no one saw what happened to any of them. 'Course the first thing people thought was that it was some pervert, grabbing up kids and carrying 'em off somewhere to do who knows what to 'em. So parents started watchin' their kids like hawks...

That didn't stop it, though... Kids kept disappearin'. Lot of kids down there with no parents, or parents that just didn't give a rat's ass if they came home or not. Those were the ones that went missing after people started to take notice. It went on like that for more'n a month, and then... it just stopped. Just like that. And no one knew why. None of the kids ever came back, but no more went missin' either, and eventually people stopped worryin' about it.

----------

"Oh give me a break..." Elena groaned, rolling her eyes as she cut him off, "That's how that stupid movie about the disfigured lunatic living in the sewers starts out... You know, the one that came out LAST WEEK?"

"... It is not!" Reno protested. Mentally, he was smacking himself... he'd never pegged Elena as a fellow fan of low-budget slasher flicks. What were the odds that she'd gone to the same movie he had last week? Elena snatched the flashlight from the redhead's hand, and passed it over to Tseng.

"It's your turn, sir..." she said, ignoring Reno.

"Hey! I wasn't even done yet!"

"... I don't think it's much of a contest at this point," Rude noted.

"Oh yeah?" said Reno, "We'll just see. He's still got to come up with something scary, yo!"

Tseng smiled a thin smile, and began to speak in a low voice.

"My story is a little different. I don't spend my off-duty hours studying the subtle nuances of cliche horror movies. They're not frightening in the least to someone who knows what fear is really about. Everything I am about to tell you is the truth... and if any of you doubt it when I'm through, you're welcome to look up the incident report for yourselves. You'll find it in the Turks Archives, in my own handwriting."

----------

Have you ever wondered why no one... not even members of the Turks... is permitted on the 14th floor? Oh, we tell the employees that it's a private area, only accessible by the highest level security clearance. Most people think it's some sort of lounge for Shinra executives. But that's not the real story. The fact is that the 14th floor has been sealed for the last nine years.

Obviously, it all happened before any of you were even being considered for promotion to the Turks. I myself had only been one for a few short years. The 14th floor used to be part of Shinra's archives. It's a literal maze of floor to ceiling shelves, drawers, and filing cabinets that once contained vast amounts of company data awaiting entry into the computer databases, unused equipment, unclaimed personal property... thousands of items and files, all waiting to be sorted into their proper places at some point. In fact, it was so maze-like back then, that's what quite a few people called it... The Maze.

Walking onto the 14th floor was akin to venturing into the unknown. It was almost disturbingly easy to simply vanish into the Maze... and even easier to get lost. The people who worked there knew it all like the back of their hand, of course, but anyone else wouldn't have a chance.

----------

"Yeah, yeah... so when's this get scary?" Reno muttered. Elena elbowed him.

"Just wait," Tseng replied.

----------

As it happened, the 14th floor had it's own ongoing drama amongst the employees. A love triangle, you might say. A shy, and somewhat disturbed young man named Haru Ishaboda was at the heart of it. As near as I was able to piece together after the fact, Mr. Ishaboda was... enamored... with one of his female coworkers. A woman by the name of Andromeda Marcus. She, however, was apparently involved with another young man named Noah Richardson.

One night, quite late... several hours after I'd gone home for the day, actually... I received a call from Veld...

----------

"Veld was head of the Turks before Tseng," Reno interjected, noting Elena's somewhat confused look.

"Ah, yes, that's right... You wouldn't know Veld, would you," Tseng replied, "He was killed... oh, about four or five years before you joined us."

"Killed my ass. Terminated was more like it," Reno muttered.

"Enough, Reno... or would you prefer a lecture on the history of the Turks rather than listen to my story?"

"Uh... no."

----------

At any rate, I received a call from Veld. There had been a murder on the 14th floor. Noah Richardson was dead, and the killer was very likely hiding somewhere in the Maze. The floor had been sealed off, but the security guards on the nightwatch didn't dare go after him in there... and when I got there, I could understand why.

Even in my short time as a Turk, I'd seen things... horrible things... that would make most people turn away in revulsion. But the sight that greeted me turned my stomach. My partner at the time, Artemis, was as hardened as they came, but even he was shocked.

The man had been stripped, disemboweled, and castrated... his heart had been cut out, and...

----------

Tseng paused, and shook his head.

"On second thought, I really don't care to go any farther into the specifics. Let's just say it was the singularly most disturbing and horrific thing I'd ever seen... HAVE ever seen... and leave it at that."

Reno and Elena exchanged a wide-eyed glance. Coming from someone as unflappable Tseng... that was something. He cleared his throat and continued.

----------

Our initial plan was to wait for backup. More Turks had been called in and would be arriving shortly, and the killer had literally hundreds of places to ambush us from. And if he was one of the employees who worked on the floor - as we suspected he was, given that 14 was virtually ignored by anyone who didn't work there on a daily basis - he would have the added benefit of knowing his way around.

But then we heard it... a shrill, desperate cry for help. It sounded like a woman's voice, and suddenly our pursuit of a deranged killer had become a hostage situation. Artemis and I made the decision to go in after the killer. I'd only ever had cause to visit the 14th floor once prior to that night... and I hadn't ventured far into the maze. Artemis had only ever gone a bit farther in than I had. Despite our best efforts, we were lost before we even realized it.

But by then, we could hear muffled cries coming from deeper within the rows upon rows of shelves and cabinets. We followed it as best we could, but by the time we found the source it was too late. It was almost as if he knew we were coming. Miss Marcus was on the floor, bleeding badly from hundreds of cuts all over her body. She looked me in the eye as her life faded away. Ishaboda was standing over her with a knife. His eyes were glazed over like a madman... And he was laughing.

Even as we took aim at him and ordered him to drop his weapon and surrender, he was laughing. And he kept laughing as he stabbed himself in the heart. He laughed until his dying breath a few moments later.

----------

"Ok, so the guy was nuts," said Reno, "Big deal. Disturbing, yeah... but not really scary."

"I'm not finished yet," Tseng replied, "I still haven't told you why the floor remains sealed, even now. You see, afterward, the scene was cleaned up immediately. No one was told anything about what had happened that night... the mysterious disappearances of Richarson, Marcus, and Ishaboda were explained away with some story, and the rest of the employees of the 14th floor went about their daily routine, none the wiser..."

----------

But things were never the same on the 14th floor. It began with minor incidents... a worker tripping over something that wasn't there... files falling from the shelves for no apparent reason...

Soon, however, it progressed to far more sinister occurances. One young woman was nearly crushed when one of the shelving units toppled over. And if you ever saw one of those things, it would be fairly obvious that they DON'T just fall over. Other people claimed that when they were working late they could hear crying... sometimes even screaming coming from somewhere deep inside the Maze, but when they followed the sound they could never find it's source. One man heard someone laughing behind him, and was so disturbed by the sound of it... even moreso when he discovered that no one was there... he applied for a transfer to another department.

Soon, no one was willing to work on the 14th floor, and so the files and equipment were carted off to other parts of the building, and the floor was sealed... permanently. Only the President, the Vice President, and myself have access... and quite frankly, I have no intention of ever using it.

----------

Reno rolled his eyes.

"Right... You're telling me the 14th floor is haunted?" he said, smirking, "Please."

"Believe what you will," Tseng shrugged, "The incident is, as I mentioned earlier, recorded in the archives of Turks case files. Case #1027-9, if you'd care to read it for yourself."

"Oh, come on..." Reno snorted.

"Read the case file if you don't believe me," said Tseng, shrugging indifferently, "It's all there in black and white."

"... Tseng wins," Rude intoned. Elena was nodding in agreement. The leader of the Turks chuckled.

"If I recall correctly, the deal was no alcohol for one week, yes?" Tseng added, goading the younger man.

"H-hey! Wait a minute!" Reno tried to interject... but it was too late, and he knew it. Resigned to his fate, he sighed and buried his face in his hands.

"I hate you all."

----------

The next morning was a Friday. No work the next day meant that Reno could have enjoyed a night of drunken Halloween fun... were if not for losing his little bet with Tseng the evening before. As an entire week of sobriety loomed before him, Reno couldn't help but feel a little dejected, even today, his favorite holiday.

It was so very unfair. The only reason Tseng's story had be even remotely scary was because he claimed it was all true. Reno knew better. There were no such things as ghosts, and even if there had really been a murder on the 14th floor once, he doubted that it was as dramatic as Tseng claimed. Of course, Elena had bought into it, hook, line, and sinker.

'Well,' Reno thought, 'If Tseng's gonna ruin my Halloween with that lame story of his, at least I can prove that it's a total fake.'

And with that thought in mind, he set off toward the Turk case file archives.

Unfortunately when he got there, he suddenly realized that he'd completely forgotten the case number. The archives were huge, containing files that went back more than 20 years. Files on every incident the Turks had ever handled... With a groan, Reno realized that it could take days to find the file without its reference number. He could always ask Tseng for it... but then he would have to admit what he was up to. No way would Tseng want to see Reno prove that he'd made the whole thing up... He'd probably find some menial little task to keep him busy for the rest of the day just to keep him out of the archives.

So that just left a manual search. Current cases were all neatly organized in the company's computer database. But older cases? Something from nearly ten years ago? The computer records didn't go back that far. Not for the Turks archives, at any rate. Generally once a case was closed by the Turks, it was quietly swept under the rug and never mentioned again. Shinra had never seen the need to digitally archive the massive backlog of case files the Turks had generated over the years.

"Well... Guess I've got some reading to do," Reno sighed, "Let's see... Nine years ago, he said..."

Luckily, the archives WERE organized enough that one could find something if one knew generally when it had occurred. Reno headed towards the filing cabinets towards the middle of the room, reading the dates on the fronts of the drawers. He finally found the year he was looking for, groaning upon discovering that said year took up three full cabinets and part of a fourth, each as tall as he was...

As he was reaching for the first drawer, he heard the door open behind him.

"Shit!" he hissed, ducking out of sight. Tseng was the only one who ever came in here... he was the only one besides Elena who gave a crap about paperwork, and as a rookie, Elena didn't have to worry about keeping up the archives. The last thing Reno needed was for Tseng to catch him in the act of debunking his ghost story when he was supposed to be catching up on his own paperwork.

But the footsteps that followed the opening of the door were definitely not Tseng's... They were much lighter, and more delicate. Unfortunately, Reno didn't have a clear view from where he was hiding. As silently as he could, he crept around the corner hoping that whoever it was wasn't heading his way.

It seemed, however, that luck wasn't on his side today. The footsteps were heading straight for him... and he had nowhere to go.

'Ah, hell... If I'm gonna get caught anyway, might as well make the most of it...' he thought to himself, and as the footsteps reached the row of cabinets he leapt out, shrieking like a madman.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" a female voice squealed, and the figure before him back-pedaled several feet before stumbling and falling flat on her backside with a soft thud... at which point, Reno burst out laughing.

"God DAMMIT, Reno!" a very peeved Elena shouted from the floor, "You scared the hell out of me!"

Reno grinned and offered her his hand. She took it and he helped her back to her feet.

"Sorry," he said, though he didn't sound the least bit remorseful.

"What are you doing back here, anyway?" she asked.

"I could ask you the same question..."

"W-well, I... Um..."

"Ha! You didn't believe Tseng's story either! Admit it. You were going to look it up."

"... yeah," she replied, glancing down at the ground, as if she had no right at all to question the validity of anything Tseng said.

"Great... finding the file will go a lot faster if there's two of us looking... I'll take the first cabinet, you take the last, and we'll meet in the middle."

Elena rolled her eyes.

"Or we could just open the drawer with the files 1020-0 to 1030-9..." she replied, pointing to the marked drawer.

"... Or we could do that."

"You forgot the case number, didn't you?"

Reno shrugged and opened the drawer.

"Remembering menial shit like that is what rookies are for..." he said with a grin, "So... uh... what was that number again?"

Elena sighed and leafed through the tabbed files until she found the one she was looking for, and pulled it out, handing it to Reno.

"Awesome," he smirked, and flipped it open.

---------

"I still don't buy it," said Reno.

"But... but it was all there, just like Tseng said..." Elena replied. Their little trip to the archives hadn't worked out quite as Reno had planned. Instead of debunking Tseng's "ghost story", the two Turks had found the file, just as he said, with an account of the events of that night just as Tseng had retold them.  
Along with some very unsettling photos of the crime scene that made Elena glad she'd skipped lunch.

"I'll bet he planted the file," Reno grumbled, "I'll bet he had the whole thing set up from the beginning. He knew I'd go looking for it after I lost the bet. That's got to be it..."

But he wasn't quite so sure of that now.

It was starting to get late. Normally, Reno would have been heading home for a beer or two, followed by some Halloween mischief, followed by another beer or two. But now, not only was he stuck honoring his bet, he was annoyed as well. There was no way he was actually going to believe the 14th floor was haunted.

"Why would he do that?" Elena said rolling her eyes.

"... I have no idea," Reno conceeded, "But there must be some ulterrior motive behind it."

"Or maybe it really did happen, and maybe the 14th floor really was sealed off because it's haunted?"

"Oh, please," said Reno, "Don't tell me you're gonna start buyin' into this..."

"W-well..."

"Ok, there's only one way to settle this," Reno proclaimed, "We go up to the 14th floor and spend the night."

"W-WHAT?!" Elena squeaked, stopping in her tracks.

"Even if the part about the murders is true, there's no such thing as ghosts. What's the matter 'Lena? Chicken?" he replied, smirking.

"N-no... of course not," she replied.

"So let's go," said Reno.

"What? Now?"

"Heh... no time like the present," said Reno, "Besides... it's Halloween. If I can't drink, I damn well still plan to enjoy it. Even if that enjoyment comes from watching you freak out."

Elena glared at him.

"Come on, 'Lena..." he goaded, "You know you're curious. And it's not like you're gonna be up there alone. I'm goin', too."

"Is that supposed to be reassuring?" she quipped. Though it wasn't as if she had big plans for tonight. All she ever did on Halloween was hand out candy to trick or treaters, or go to the occasional party. A little Halloween adventure was certainly tempting. Besides... if she backed out, Reno would never let her live it down.

"Alright. Let's do it," she said at last.

"Really?" Reno replied, looking somewhat surprised. He grinned, "Sweet."

"Um... But Reno... how are we going to get onto the 14th floor? It's sealed."

"Just leave that to me. Meet me in the lounge in an hour," he said, and disappeared down the hall, leaving Elena behind to wonder how he was planning to get into an area that only three people in the world had access to...

----------

He was late.

Elena glanced at her watch again, just to confirm it. He'd said he'd meet her in an hour. It had been nearly two, now. What was taking him so long?

Maybe RENO had been the one to chicken out. She giggled quietly at the thought of teasing him about how she'd been the one who was brave enough to show up... how she'd waited for him, totally committed to going through with their little plan... how he'd been too scared. Her amusement was short-lived, however, as another thought occurred to her. What if this was just yet another joke at her expense? Maybe Reno had no intention of showing up. Hell, he was probably laughing his ass off somewhere, or worse, watching her to see just how long she'd wait here for him. Just as she was about to start looking around for hidden cameras, the door opened.

"Yo, 'Lena! Ready to go?" Reno called, peeking into the room.

"Where were you?" she asked, narrowing her eyes at him.

"Heh... sorry 'bout that. Took a little longer than I thought," he replied.

"What did?" She was curious now... Had he really managed to get them access to the 14th floor?

"Had a little chat with Rufus. It took some convincing... and a few other things... but he finally gave me his access code for the floor.

"A few other things?" Elena queried.

"Uh... I'd rather not get into that. Let's just say that it didn't involve sexual favors, this time," Reno replied, "You comin' or not?"

She was going to question him further on the details... but Reno was already back out the door and striding down the hallway. Elena scurried after him, following him to the elevator.

"What do you mean... it didn't involve sexual favors THIS TIME?" she blurted out as she caught up to him.

"Loooong story," Reno said, "And it ends with me in bed with Rufus' girlfriend at the time's mother. Ugh..."

He shuddered at the memory, and hit the button for the 14th floor. The panel prompted him for a restricted access code, which he punched in.

"But why..."

"You seriously don't want to know," he said, cutting her off before she could weasel any other details out of him. As the elevator descended, the two Turks fell silent. Night had fallen, and by now most employees had gone home. Of course, the Shinra Building was never truly empty, but the closer they got to the deserted floor, the more the tension grew. Finally, the car stopped and the doors slid open.  
One thing was certain. No one had been here in years. The air was stale and somewhat musty. Reno flicked on the flashlight he'd brought and shown its beam into the looming darkness.

"Ladies first," he said with a half-smile, inviting Elena to take the first step into the deserted room.

"I... don't think so," Elena said quickly. Reno shrugged and stepped out himself. Elena hesitantly followed him.

"Ah, this isn't so bad," said Reno, swinging the light around to get a better look at their surroundings, "So let's see..."

He turned back towards the elevator and searching the wall. About twenty feet door the corridor, he found a light switch and flipped it on. Above the two Turks, rows of flourescent lights buzzed to life.

Elena had to admit, there wasn't anything all that creepy about the place now that it was properly lit. Aside from the layer of dust that coated every surface, it looked like just about any other hallway in the Shinra Building.

"So... now what?" she asked, glancing over at Reno.

"I guess we should do a little exploring," he replied, heading toward the only opening in the wall of bookcases that separated the elevators from the rest of the floor. As they passed into the main part of the floor, Elena began to see why the place was once known as the Maze.

Even though the shelves were now empty, they were an imposing presence. Paths created by the bookcases and cabinets snaked off in all directions, and most were so tall that even Reno couldn't peer over them. The two Turks rounded a corner and found a small grouping of desks nestled into a corner.

"Man, would I hate to work here," Reno muttered. Elena agreed. Not only could she not see anything beyond her immediate surroundings, she couldn't even see the elevator anymore. What was more, they hadn't even gone that far, and she was beginning to feel disoriented.

"Heh... lost already?" Reno taunted.

"Of course not," she replied, flushing slightly.

"Good, cuz my sense of direction sucks," he said. For a moment, Elena felt a small twinge of panic, but one look at Reno's face and she could tell he was just teasing her.

"Well, then you better not wander off... because I'm not going to come looking for you if you do," she retorted, and with that, she set off deeper into the Maze. Reno snickered and followed.

----------

Though she had started off confidently enough, it wasn't long before Elena wasn't so sure of herself. The more turns she took, the more turned around she felt. She thought she knew the way back... but she was no longer as certain of it as she'd been a little while ago.

"Heh... well, we've been up here almost two hours now. You seen any ghosts?" Reno asked.

"Not a one," she replied. Reno leaned against a nearby desk and lit up a cigarette.

"There's no smoking in the building, you know," Elena commented.

"You gonna rat me out?" he smirked, "Besides... it's not like anyone's gonna notice here.

Suddenly, something clattered loudly to the floor elsewhere in the Maze, breaking the still silence that had surrounded them. Both Turks jumped.

"W-what was that?" Elena whispered.

"Dunno," Reno whispered back, snubbing out his smoke on the edge of the desk, "Probably nothing."

"... Then why are you whispering?"

Reno glared at her, and motioned for her to follow him as he set out in the general direction the sound had come from.

-----------

"Has Elena left already?" Tseng asked. He'd been working late. It appeared that Rude had been as well.

"Don't think so," he replied, motioning to the coats that still hung on the hooks near the door. Four in total... which meant that Reno was still hanging around the building, as well. Knowing him, he was probably off playing Halloween pranks on the night shift.

"Hmm... Odd. Usually when she stays late, she's not too difficult to find. I was going to ask her if she'd care for some coffee, since I was heading for the cafeteria anyway."

Rude shrugged.

"I don't suppose you've seen Reno, either?"

"No."

Tseng sighed.

"What do you suppose they're planning?"

----------

Reno stood with his back against one of the larger filing cabinets, ears straining to catch the slightest sound. Elena, too, was on high alert... but all was silent in the Maze. Had they just imagined it? The two Turks had been still and silent for nearly five minutes and hadn't heard any further noises.

Reno had just opened is mouth to voice his thoughts to Elena, when a shrill, but muffled melody filled the air. He bit back a cry of surprise and jumped back, looking around for the source, his hand instinctively going for his weapon. Elena, on the other hand, screamed and tried to scramble for cover, only to trip over the office chair directly behind her.

"Ah, fucking hell... You've gotta be kidding me," Reno muttered as he realized that the sound was far from unfamiliar. Feeling utterly foolish, he reached into his jacket and pulled out his PHS, flipping it open as he did so. The sound stopped.

"Yeah, what?" he said into the handset.

'Reno? Where are you?' Tseng's voice, tiny over the small device, inquired.

"Just havin' a little fun," Reno replied.

'Whatever it is you and Elena are up to, just know that I'm ready for it,' the Turk leader intoned.

"Heh... Little paranoid, eh, boss?"

'Reno...'

"Just FYI, me n' 'Lena are doing something much more interesting than plotting against you, bossman," Reno said, smirking, then flipped the phone closed and turned to Elena, "That ought to worry him a litte... uh... You planning on staying down there all night?"

"N-no," she replied, staggering back to her feet and shoving the offending office furniture away.  
Her heart was still pounding.

"Geez, 'Lena... it was just the phone. Don't act so weak," Reno said with a roll of his eyes, tucking the PHS back into his pocket.

"Yeah... well... It scared you, too," she countered.

"True. But I didn't scream like a little girl and fall flat on my ass," Reno snickered. Elena punched him in the arm.

"Ow!"

---------

"Ha... Midnight, and still no ghost," said Reno, looking smug, "I knew it was all bunk."

Elena stifled a yawn.  
"So can we go home already?"

"Giving up so soon?"

"Reno... this is boring," she replied. And it was true... The initial novelty of being someplace that they weren't supposed to be had long ago worn off, and even their earlier scare, which had netted them a hearty laugh, was becoming a distant memory. The truth was that this was just an vacant floor. Aside from the somewhat disturbingly claustrophobic sensation of being isolated within the winding paths formed by the shelves and cases, it just... wasn't scary anymore.

"... Yeah, I know," he finally relented, "Guess tonight was kind of a bust, huh?"

Overhead, one of the florescent tubes flickered and then went out with a soft clink.

"Hell, maybe we ought to go before we're stuck wandering around in the dark trying to find the damn elevator until morning," he chuckled, "Wanna hit someplace for a late dinner and head home?"

Elena nodded.

"So... I hate to say it, but, uh... Any idea which way is out of here?" he asked.

"Real funny, Reno," she replied.

"Actually, I was being serious..." he said, laughing lightly, "I have no idea which direction we came from at this point."

Elena rolled her eyes. Of course, she supposed that it really shouldn't surprise her. Reno, after all, had once managed to get them lost during their mandated 'punishment' on a small island north of Midgar... and that time he'd had a map and compass, for crying out loud!

She turned 180 degrees and started off down the corridor... only to stop after a few dozen steps. This didn't seem quite right.

"Um..."

She turned back and took the path that opposite direction. Next to her, she heard Reno snickering.

"Ok, fine!" she shouted, "So I don't know where we are, either!"

"Not a problem," said Reno, "Just need a better vantage point..."

He turned to one of the studier-looking shelving units and began to climb the empty shelves. Though the stretched from floor to ceiling, they were open on both sides. It took some peering this way and that once he was high enough, trying to see around the other shelving units, but eventually his eyes settled on what he was looking for.

"Ha... That-a-way," he said triumphantly, pointing towards the openning to the hallway that led back to the elevator. Unfortunately, as he did so, he felt the shelves beginning to tip.

"Of course..." he groaned, knowing exactly what was coming next.

"Reno!" Elena shouted in alarm as she dove out of the way. The shelves came down with a series of crashes, sending up a cloud of dust as they hit the floor. The redhead, not having time to remove himself from harm's way, did his best to shield himself. Not that it was going to do much good... if he ended up under this thing, it was gonna do some damage.  
Thankfully, his luck seemed to have decided to give him a break just this once. Reno slammed into the floor hard, landing flat on his back and cracking his head against the hard tile. The shelves, however, landed on top of a nearby desk, leaving him some space underneath.

"Reno?! A-are you ok?" Elena asked, coughing in the dust cloud.

"Ow." He rubbed the lump that was forming on the back of his head.

"Reno?"

"Why is it whenever you're around someone or something nearly kills me?" he replied, sounding somewhat strained.

"Are you hurt?" Elena asked.

"Nah... I'm fine."

Elena quickly climbed to her feet, and brushed herself off... but as she moved to help her fellow Turk, the entire 14th floor was suddenly plunged into darkness.

"Oh, wonderful..." Reno commented from the floor.

"What's going on?" Elena asked, concern mounting. She couldn't see a thing. There was no light at all.

"Heh... no one's turned the lights on up here in almost 10 years. Something probably blew out," he said, "Dammit!"

"Now what?"

"Lost my flashlight," he replied, patting his pockets. He heard Elena moving toward him in the darkness.

"Ahhh!!" she suddenly cried out, and Reno heard a loud thud about a few feet away from him.

"'Lena?!"

"S-sorry... I tripped."

Some shuffling as she got to her feet, and then...

"Yo! Watch where you're stepping!" he shouted, pulling his hand back from underneath her foot.

"Sorry!"

She moved closer to him... and subsequently kicked him in the thigh.

"Ow! Dammit, Elena!" he growled, finally clamboring to his feet.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry..." she muttered.

Reno felt her fingers latch onto his arm, tight.

"Geez, 'Lena... let go. Ya don't have to cut off the circulation."

"Huh? Let go of what?"

"My arm," he replied, suddenly realizing that Elena's voice had come from the opposite side as the fingers that were locked around his wrist. He instinctively jerked away, free hand flipping his mag-rod out. Electricity crackled from its tip as he swung at whatever the hell it was that had ahold of him. In the miniscule light that resulted, he could have sworn he saw a pair of glittering eyes staring at him, but they seemed to vanish the moment he spotted them, and the grip on his wrist was quickly relinquished.

"Reno! What the hell are you doing?" Elena shouted.

"Fuck... There IS someone up here!" he ground out. He'd dismissed the sound they'd heard earlier... especially after Tseng had given them both that little scare by deciding to call them at the worst possible moment. He figured it was just something they'd knocked loose on their way in and left it at that. Now he was pretty sure that wasn't the case.

Reno didn't like this. He couldn't see and inch in front of his face. He had only a vague idea of which way was out. And now, on top of all that, he had to deal with a potential threat.

"Let's get the hell out of here," he said in hushed tones to Elena. Trying to stand their ground and fight under these conditions was insanity.

"Right behind you," Elena replied. Reno started to move in what he hoped was the direction of the elevator. Elena stayed close. From a distance, the pair suddenly heard what sounded like muffled crying. It was faint at first, but gradually became louder and more distinct... and then, a scream. A scream like nothing either of them had ever heard. Reno felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up as a chill ran down his spine.

"Reno..."

"Keep moving," he hissed. He was sweating, now, and didn't even know why. He'd been in more than his share of tense situations, but something about this just felt so very wrong. All, he knew for sure was that he and Elena need to get out of there. Now.

It was just about that time that he heard the footsteps.

----------

"It's been hours, and nothing," Tseng said, more to himself than to Rude, "What could be..."

As if on cue, his PHS rang, shaking him from his thoughts. He pulled it from his jacket pocket and flipped the handheld open. He'd been waiting for the call.

"Tseng here," he said. Rude glanced up at him, curious who would be calling on the Turks so late. 'Rufus,' Tseng mouthed in reply interpreting the other man's gaze. Rude raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, sir... Good to hear," Tseng said into the phone... his voice sounded almost amused.

"... What's up?"

"I'll tell you on the way," he replied, cryptically.

----------

Reno stopped in mid-stride, ears straining to pick up any sound. It wasn't hard, however, to pick out two sets of footsteps behind him. One was Elena, obviously. Which meant the other was...

"Oof!"

Elena, who had been hurrying to keep up with Reno's longer stride slammed into him from behind. Reacting quickly, Reno spun, grabbed her by the arm, and felt his way to the nearest corner, pulling her along with him. Thankfully, Elena seemed to understand, and kept silent. The two Turks stayed there, hardly daring to breath, as the footsteps carried on past them.

"Now what?" Elena whispered, once she was certain their mystery guest was out of earshot.

Frankly, Reno wasn't sure. They couldn't see, they couldn't be sure where the person who'd been following them had gone, and they had only a vague idea of which direction they needed to be moving in.

Reno opened his mouth to reply, but didn't get the chance as laughter filled the air. It began as a deepy, throaty chuckle, but soon escalated into gleeful, near-hysterical laughter. It seemed to be coming from all around them, growing louder and louder until the entire 14th floor seems to vibrate with it. The shelves rattled, and odds and ends toppled to the floor.

"Run!"

The Turks bolted, hoping that they weren't far from the elevator doors. Elena could feel something clawing at her jacket. Suddenly, a narrow slit of light appeared out of the darkness, slowly widening.

"The elevator!" Elena gasped, half out of breath. She and Reno sprinted the last few yards, and practically threw themselves through the doors, nearly trampling the car's occupants to the ground. As the doors slid closed, Elena could swear she saw eyes watching them from the darkness beyond... such a look of menace she'd never seen.

The elevator began to descend, and she was suddenly being helped to her feet.

"Are you alright?"

"Y-yes... I think so," she replied, though she was still out of breath, "Oh! Sir, it's you!"

Tseng... and when she glanced in the other direction, she realized that Rude was there as well. Tseng nodded curtly, and glanced over at Reno, frowning.

"What in Leviathan's name were you two thinking? Didn't I TELL you that the 14th floor was sealed for a reason?"

"What... the hell... was that?" Reno panted. By now, he was using Rude to pull himself off the floor.

"THAT was the reason," Tseng said simply. Finally, the elevator reached its destination, and the Turks disembarked.

"This is some kind of fucked up Halloween trick, right?" Reno asserted, still not willing to admit that just maybe there really were such things as ghosts. He narrowed his eyes at the Turk leader, "How'd you know we were up there, any way?"

"Reno, not everyone if as obsessed with Halloween mischief as you are. As for your whereabouts... It was Rufus," Tseng replied, "I'm afraid he ratted you out, and told me about the 'favor' you did for him. Speaking of which, you and I are going to have a little chat Monday morning and the appropriate use of company video equipment..."

Elena glanced suspiciously at Reno.

"Just what WAS the favor, anyway," she asked.

"Trust me. You're better off not knowing," Tseng replied. Reno simply grinned, but it quickly faded.

"So... wait. If this wasn't something you two came up with, then what..."

"Maybe next time, when I tell you that my ghost story really happened, you'll believe me," the Turk leader intoned.

----------

It took a several more minutes, but eventually, Tseng and Rude convinced their overly-curious compatriots to head home for the night. Tseng was certain that the evening's events would have some very interesting effects on their dreams that night.

The elevator doors had barely closed behind Reno and Elena when the second car began to descend... from the 14th floor. Tseng turned toward the doors and Rude strode over as well. The doors silently slid open.

"I trust you enjoyed yourself, sir?" Tseng asked.

"Hmm... well, aside from very nearly being on the receiving end of that blasted weapon of Reno's, I have to admit... I'm glad you included me in this little plot. When you decide to play a joke on someone, you go all out," Rufus said, smirking slightly.

-fin- 


End file.
